Are You Holding Happiness Hostage?

This is not so much a relationship support article as one about life in general.

Many years ago, a very wise friend asked me the following question:

“Are you happy?”

Seems like an easy enough question, right? But it rendered me speechless at the time. My brain was racing.

“What is happiness anyway?” I finally blurted out, desperate to mask my discomfort with pseudo philosophical babble.

My friend was not fooled.

This question of happiness applies to love as well. I often ask the people I meet if they are happy in their relationships. Over the years, I begin to notice the same type of answer that keeps coming back:

“I will be happy when my partner finally proposes.”

“I’ll be happy when my partner [inserts desired activity here].”

“When my family accepts my age gap relationship, then I will be happy.”

“My partner is so much older than me. It’s hard for me to be happy when I don’t know how much time we will have together.”

“I can be happy if only my partner’s ex will leave us alone!”

“I will be happy if my partner and I can stop fighting about stupid shit.”

Sound familiar?

Many of us subconsciously withhold happiness from ourselves until some external event occurs. We hold our happiness hostage, using the prospect of releasing it at some future date as a way to manage our present behavior.

This inability to stay in the present — a skill so essential for life in general but especially for those of us who find ourselves in age gap relationships — is a certain recipe for stress, anxiety, and unhappiness.

If you are constantly keeping your happiness at arms’ length, then how can you truly enjoy and appreciate your relationship now?

And make no mistake — the only thing we have that’s real is now. The past is already gone and tomorrow may never come. What you have now is today.

So enjoy this day with your partner and be grateful that you have each other!