Attention all Parents

Did you raise or are you raising your children the way you thought you would BEFORE you had kids?


I Know that I never wanted my kids to play with guns or soilders. Until the day they made guns out of legos.

I know that I never wanted them to eat junk food... till all their friends did.


I knew I wanted to practice 'baby led weaning' till I was nursing a child past four years old...


I knew I wanted to be a SAHM happily married in my big house on 2 acres until my marriage ended and I was a single mom in an apartment with two in day care.

I KNEW i wanted brilliant children till I had a disabled child and my whole plan when to hell


what about you guys?

Well, that LAST one rings home for me. :eek: *deep sigh*

I honestly don't remember any of the things I said I would do differently... I had hoped I would be able to provide a solid home with two parents.

But then again, nothing in my life is what I planned, because I made a concerted point NOT to make too many plans, knowing that plans lead to expectations which lead to disappointment, and I've known that since I was a little kid. (Thanks, Dad.)

I shared a story the other day with my bosses wife about my childhood (and why I know how to paint and do wall prep and the like)... When I was 9, I had this hideous '60's large funky flower wallpaper. I hated it. I ripped some of it down, thinking my Dad would come home and fix it (since he was always working on the house) and instead, he came home and blew a gasket. Told me I'd be doing ALL the work. And the work I did. Took down all the wallpaper, steamed it off, had to fix the drywall (at 9, people) and then paint. He asked me at dinner one night after all the drywall work was done, "Well, what color do you want?" I said, "So light blue it's white."

The next day, he comes home with a gallon of a medium PINK. I cried. I cried and cried and cried!!! "It's MY home. You defaced MY property and your room WILL be pink!" (I was a total tomboy!) I tried to fight it. I lost. My mom did go get me some dark purple semi-gloss for the trim, but painting the room pink I HAD to do. I invited my friend over and we painted the room (and each other) and had a lot of fun despite my anger.

Prior to this, I'd been sleeping in a cot. Dad said he'd get furniture. Asked me what kind of furniture I wanted. I told him I wanted a wood bunk bed. Guess what? I come home from school a couple days later and he's got a freakin white and gold CANOPY girlyass bed in there and again.. I cried. Cried my eyes out. I was so devastated as a child. :eek:

My bosses wife said that was a "really mean thing to do to your own child." But, I honestly don't think it was. I did then... but I don't know. From that entire experience, I learned a LOT. I learned that I had to be responsible for fixing shit I screwed up. Responsibility. I learned not to be afraid to try something new (painting, drywall repair). And I learned that things don't always turn out how you expect. In fact, frequently they don't. And I learned that sometimes, as a parent, you have to be MEAN to your child in order for them to learn the lessons they NEED to learn and that trauma and shame are character builders. :eek:

My Dad is a totally awesome person. I respect him deeply and hold no resentments, even if sometimes those memories still sting. I would not be the person I am today had I not gone through that. When shit hits the fan and my plans have to change (because of $$ or other people's wishes or circumstances, like a joist being in the way of piping, or materials not conforming to wishes), I can handle it and simply change my plans. Do I still cry about it when it happens? Sometimes... but I can get over it and accept that things just CHANGE. They just do!

My biggest and longest goal ~ the only one that matters to me ~ in raising my kids... is that they both make it to 18. If they make it to 18, living and breathing, and I can send them out into the world with some semblance of human decency, then I've done my job well. And I KNOW that my job doesn't end at 18, BUT, that's my main goal. After that, living and breathing is their own responsibily... I can focus then on being their friend/support/comfort, etc.

~phos

didnt have alot of expectations when i had my son. as long as he was happy and healthy thats all that really mattered to me.. now i did think he would turn out to be a "normal" child-social/extremely smart.. looking back on it all i never thought i would end up making appointments for several different therapist,speech,aba,OT,etc. hospital visits for neurology exams u name it.
raising him alone is a full time job, i love him to death but there are sometimes where i wish he could have just been a typical kid..

Wow Phos, that's a great story! :eek:

This is an interesting thread because, as you know, Hubby and I are trying to get pregnant. I haven't really thought consciously about what I expect, but I suppose I want what everybody else wants: a healthy baby. The kid doesn't have to be a genius, but I do hope s/he would have above average intelligence. Oh, and that kid is so gonna get piano lessons as soon as s/he can walk. ;)

The thing that I think about the most, is whether if my kids would be interested in environmental issues and enjoy being outdoors and I wonder what the best way would be to expose them to the things that I like, in a way that's not cramming it down their throat. Know what I mean?

I know people who dragged their kids camping and hiking, and they grew up hating these things. I'd definately want to take my kids on trips like this, and also travel with them...but I would only take them if they wanted to go. I just don't know what I'd do if they didn't want to go...

The thing that I think about the most, is whether if my kids would be interested in environmental issues and enjoy being outdoors and I wonder what the best way would be to expose them to the things that I like, in a way that's not cramming it down their throat. Know what I mean?

I know people who dragged their kids camping and hiking, and they grew up hating these things. I'd definately want to take my kids on trips like this, and also travel with them...but I would only take them if they wanted to go. I just don't know what I'd do if they didn't want to go...

Annie, I wonder that same thing with ART...Art is such a big part of our lives and sometimes I wonder if our kids will like it as we do. One of my biggest fears in to have a sporty kid??? I just wouldn't know what to do>>But I guess that would be M's area:)

Nessa,
As you know we don't have kids yet but we already know that they will be educated under the "waldorf curriculum"
I added a link if anyone is interested in learning more about it:

http://www.steiner-australia.org/other/Wald_faq.html

We have already agreed that we won't have any plastic toys...Only wood or other natural materials (also fit's in w/the Waldorf methods)

M and I are reading lots of books on the different parenting styles and we like Attatchment Parenting but don't agree w/every single AP approach so who knows???

One of our best friends (who is actually also in an age gap marriage) has a NO TV rule until her son is 3 or 4 because it's been proven that kids younger than that can develop an shorter attention span when it comes to school...So we will probably copy off of her and do that too:) I have been watching her son every Thursday for the past year and a half and he's very cool...I thought the NO TV rule sounded nuts at first but I have found there are sooo many great things for kids to do besides watching TV.

We also want to expose our kids to all types of people of every class.
I teach 7th and 8th grade art on Sundays at a very cool unitarian church and have learned so many things about religions all over the world...Some of my students are buddhist, some are atheist, some are pagan...It is very diverse and very accepting to all races and cultures...So we will become members after our twins are old enough.

Some immediate things when they're small are...breastfeeding exclusively, cloth diapers, slings, both babies will sleep together in the same bassinet, home made baby food, all natural baby products and pretty much everything else that would fall in the "crazy berkeley/san francisco california family lifestyle"

You guys can all throw this stuff back at me when I am sleep deprived and throw in a barney video so I can get some painting done:)

yeah GS I hear you

both my kids were going to go to private school.

then I went to holland.....(did you see that post)

no but I will search for it...

Yep... I went to Holland, too. It's a nice place, to be honest.

Both my kids slept with ME, btw. My son until he was about 4. He was not a happy camper in his own bed. My daughter moved to her bassinet around 6 months old. I know now, I won't have it any other way with the third I hope to have someday with Litical. I had no plans to do that in the beginning, but when you WORK, its the time you really GET with the kid ~ you don't want to give it up. Feedings are much simpler that way, too.

And NO BARNEY, GS. LOL. Egads, that's such horrific fakeness it made my skin crawl. Neither of my kids ever watched Barney. Acceptable baby shows were the Baby Einstein series, Sesame Street, Blue's Clues and PBS's Arthur. Now that they are older, we all watch Avatar. My son had a major obsession with the movie Titanic, and to this day... anything to do with ships. ;) Also, both kids could load and play their own computer games by 2. :eek: They were captivated by the Reader Rabbit series.

I do have to say... do not worry about your kids being into art or not. Your influence by producing art around them will be HUGE. My mother was an artist. She painted while my sister was young. My sister became a painter! Then a computer animator! :eek: She was into sculpture when I was in my formative years (sis is 5 years older than me) and I got my degree in sculpture. She never pushed it. Just DID it. If we asked, she showed us techniques or got us involved in it. My aunt was a photographer, which fueled my interest in photography. My sister taught me to draw. My brother ended up in carpentry, as my father built everything in our house... shelves, train sets, cabinets, flooring, wainscoating, everything! It's no wonder that just through observation and involvement, we went the routes we went. So, hon, have faith. Art will be a very important part of your children's lives.

~phos

Fos, michael could quote ghostbusters chapter and verse....

Gee is STILL into Titanic. Some... oh... 8 years later. :eek: I swear, I've seen that movie over 700 times. :rolleyes: At this point, my hair stands on end and I run from the room just hearing the theme song. ROFLAO.

At least there is now also The Poseidon Adventure (from 72, which I had him watch before the new one comes out to compare it to ~ the original was AWESOME), U571, Pirates of the Carribean and Master and Commander (which he played to death!) so I don't have to choke every time I hear Titanic music. ;)
~phos

well from about age 3 to age 10 he loved Ghostbusters, we had all the action figures, we had a ghostbusters quilt... i just bought the movie on DVD and boy did it bring back memories...

what our aspies latch on too...

when there's something strange, in your neighborhood, who you gonna call Nessa??? :)

Thanks for that Phos, that makes me feel better hearing about your mom:)

We have already agreed that we won't have any plastic toys...Only wood or other natural materials (also fit's in w/the Waldorf methods)

M and I are reading lots of books on the different parenting styles and we like Attatchment Parenting but don't agree w/every single AP approach so who knows???

One of our best friends (who is actually also in an age gap marriage) has a NO TV rule until her son is 3 or 4 because it's been proven that kids younger than that can develop an shorter attention span when it comes to school...So we will probably copy off of her and do that too:) I have been watching her son every Thursday for the past year and a half and he's very cool...I thought the NO TV rule sounded nuts at first but I have found there are sooo many great things for kids to do besides watching TV.

We also want to expose our kids to all types of people of every class.
I teach 7th and 8th grade art on Sundays at a very cool unitarian church and have learned so many things about religions all over the world...Some of my students are buddhist, some are atheist, some are pagan...It is very diverse and very accepting to all races and cultures...So we will become members after our twins are old enough.

Some immediate things when they're small are...breastfeeding exclusively, cloth diapers, slings, both babies will sleep together in the same bassinet, home made baby food, all natural baby products and pretty much everything else that would fall in the "crazy berkeley/san francisco california family lifestyle"

You guys can all throw this stuff back at me when I am sleep deprived and throw in a barney video so I can get some painting done:)

GS, you guys rock!! I love your approach to parenting and we've got really similar views on it. I LOVE the no plastic toys and no TV rules. It's great that you have really THOUGHT about all the little things. I think you're going to make great parents!

Thanks Annie:) We already have a great wooden toy start thanks to our friend Whitney and e-bay:)

From Whitney:
http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f255/katluce/DSCF0173_131.jpg

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f255/katluce/DSCF0172_130.jpg

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f255/katluce/ourbarn.jpg

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f255/katluce/112840.jpg

She also gave us a few things I can't find pics of...and lots of little ethnic doll house dolls:) So Cute

Then M got this treehouse for me at our museum shop last december:) I love it!!! We love treehouses:)

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f255/katluce/ForestGnomesBig.jpg

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f255/katluce/twinstreehouse.jpg

Then I bought this whole set NEW on Ebay

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f255/katluce/ourfairyset.jpg

Whitney Also Gave us this Stuff...We owe her!!!

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f255/katluce/baby4.gif
http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f255/katluce/baby1.gif
http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f255/katluce/baby2.gif
http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f255/katluce/baby5.jpg

I can't figure out what we will need to have two of yet, I think we'll just wait and find out after they are here:)

Wow. Would you and Griffin consider adopting Zakem and me as your "twins"?

I know we're kinda big...and old (especially him ;) ),but we are already potty-trained AND we can bring home a six-figure salary! :eek:

That crib may be a tad small for us though. :D