Once a cheater, always a cheater?

OK, here's my question...

If someone cheats in a relationship, are they considered a LIFE-LONG cheater?

One of my professors basically said this was so, and I was really upset by it. What I felt she was implying was that a person has no opportunity to reform and change their behavior if they cheat once.(She was referring to any kind of cheating: test taking cheating, relationship cheating, lying, etc.) How about the person who makes a mistake and admits their wrongdoing and feels horrible about it? I know it shouldn't matter what just one person says, but I really respect her opinion most of the time and i'm not sure how I feel about this one.

I just think what she said is a little unfair--should people be labeled for LIFE?

Just curious what people here thought...

Well, I think she probably meant it more along these lines, maybe? If you can justify doing it once, through whatever twisted logic it took, you CAN justify doing it again ~ which makes that person suspect, especially to whomever they cheated upon.

Cheating hurts people. Most people realize this. But, if you can somehow justify doing it in the first place, then it will be much harder for people who experienced that and know about it, to ever trust you NOT to do it again. (And I don't mean you as in YOU... LOL)

Burned once, twice shy? Burn me once, shame on you, burn me twice, shame on ME!

I don't think there is anything wrong with being unwilling to accept being in a relationship with someone who cheated, as it does compromise TRUST long term with that person... but, I do think people CAN and DO feel remorse. I've just found that there is a lot of truth to what your teacher said. If you can justify doing it once, you can justify doing it again if it suits your needs. Makes the person wholey suspect.

~phos

OK, here's my question...

If someone cheats in a relationship, are they considered a LIFE-LONG cheater?



yes.

in my opinion.

even if they never cheat again, i would always know they were CAPABLE of it.

My boyfriend has lied to me about certain things to "get out of trouble"... Once he lied once, I always had to worry about trusting him because I know he can and will lie to me.

Trust is a beautiful thing. I think if someone can cheat, it is VERY difficult to EVER trust them.

Luckily, I still trust my boyfriend 100% in that department.

Why did you or are going to cheat? I would think there is a reason for even thinking about cheating. Is there something lacking or missing that makes you look else where. I have cheated in many ways over my years. The only straying involving another woman is the love of my life now. I strayed a very long time ago mentally from her(my ex) as I somehow new this was the right one. But being from the generation that was taught right or wrong its for ever! Might as well shot me. Are you or am I going to branded for life? That depends on us. Me I am going to enjoy my time here on earth loving alanna, and can really care less about my past. Sometimes in life things happen for a reason and no telling how they started, they just do. If by cheating really got you where. what or who you needed and the end result is your happy and you realize how you got here and what it cost you and think about it really hard and understand there was a right way but we did not want to get out of our confortzones; then we will know how to not do that again.

my dad cheated on my mom. He had an affair after they had been married 25 years.

they split up... that lasted a few months they got back together.... that was 1984. in 1995 she died in his arms. I was there. he never looked at another woman after that.

He never cheated again. and he won't marry his live in. that's not right according to him.

my DH cheated on me once before we were married. he told me about it and we got past it. I do not think he will ever do it again.

i don't think that once a cheat always a cheat but i do think that once the trust is broken by cheating it's nearly impossible to repair.

my dad cheated on my mom. He had an affair after they had been married 25 years.

they split up... that lasted a few months they got back together.... that was 1984.he never looked at another woman after that. in 1995 she died in his arms. I was there.


he won't marry his live in. that's not right according to him.

my DH cheated on me once before we were married. he told me about it and we got past it. I do not think he will ever do it again.

i don't think that once a cheat always a cheat but i do think that once the trust is broken by cheating it's nearly impossible to repair.

I agree with Nessa: I don't think if you cheat, it means that you always will be a cheater, but I do think that it does make it hard to trust because you always have that nagging thought in the back of your mind that they COULD do it since they've done it in the past.

If I found out that my BF had cheated on someone in the past, I don't think I'd think much of it - the past is the past.... naive, maybe....but I would still trust him.

OK, here's my question...

If someone cheats in a relationship, are they considered a LIFE-LONG cheater?

I think the answer is......it depends.

What were the circumstances of the cheating? For example, someone who got drunk and "accidentally" cheated (even that may be debatable, but bear with me here) is, in my opinion, less culpable than someone who actively engaged in deception and snuck around behind his/her partner's back for months or years.

Also, how much lying accompanied the cheating? For example, someone who fessed up and did so voluntarily (i.e. not backed into a corner because s/he was caught with smoking gun evidence) is less culpable than someone who either did not fess up at all or did not do so willingly.

My ex cheated several times during our relationship and he was also a pathological liar, so in HIS case, yes: once a cheater, always a cheater. But if the circumstances had been different, that may not be the case.

I cheated on an ex once. I would never cheat on my fiance.
So...I vote no.
In my case I didn't really love the one I cheated on. Hence....the cheating.

I cheated on an ex once. I would never cheat on my fiance.
So...I vote no.
In my case I didn't really love the one I cheated on. Hence....the cheating.

Ditto.

Nadine.

I gotta go with sierranevada on this one.
I was with a guy for FOUR years! For the last year we were having some serious problems, I was graduating from college and he was still in Jr. College, perfectly content to work at Lackluster Video and have me (or his mother) support him. (and he REFUSED to learn how to drive). Well I'm getting really fed up with the whole situation (and a lot of my friends were getting married and I knew he wanted to get married too, I didn't). About 6 or 7 months before it finally ended I met his father (who lived in Georgia) and I realized that I had more in common and was more attracted to his dad (I always liked older men). So 3 months before the end, he goes to visit his dad and while he was gone I had an affair with one of his best friends (I didn't sleep with this guy untill after I broke up with the first guy, but I did fool around with him).
My affair continued for 3 months, untill I finnally had the balls to end the relationship.
Now nothing really happened with guy number two, we're still friends.

I know what I did was wrong, and I got the Karma payback several months later when going through a HORRID breakup with someone else who used me solely for sex.

Did I cheat? yes, I'm the first person to admit this, and Shane (current BF) knows all about it.
Does it mean I'll continue to cheet? OH HELL NO!!!
I honestly can't see myself EVER doing it again. And I do know that if I'm tempted by some other guy than I need to reevaluate my relationship.