should I be worried??

Okay more to the saga that is my life!
As most of you know Shane and I have been together for a little over 5 months. And it's been WONDERFUL!! I have never loved ANYONE half as much as I love him. And I know he feels the same way (even if he can't say it, which is a whole other issue).
Well since we first started dating Shane has brought up the idea of "couple's counseling". He's constantly bringing up the idea of our wedding, though he hasn't asked me to marry him yet.
Now when he first brought this up, about a month after we started dating he said it was just to keep things running smoothly, which I believe.
I do suspect that some of this may have to do with his own comming to terms with the age difference between us. He keeps asking if our relationship is fair to me. (something about being saddled down with an invalid husband in 20 years).
What do y'all think about this?
We have our first appointment a week from Friday.

You know I don't much believe in couples counseling for non-married couples.

I really feel that if you have to work THAT hard before your married then maybe it's not worth it.

I also have an issue with women that say "oh i know how he feels he just never says it, or WORSE, he never shows it. I'm more inclined to be ok with guys that can't express their feelings.


Here's the bad stuff (as if what i just told you wasn't bad enough)

Your together only 5 months. He started talking about weddings etc almost immedicately. NOT GOOD to my way of thinking.... Brian did the same thing so does every man... they truly love the idea of someone of their own... but the truth is it's a GENERIC dream and you just happen to be the current star player.

Brian was so much like that but he truly did NOT make that internal emotional commitment for almost a year. I just don't think that men that talk about it from the very beginning really truly mean it. Oh he's not lying, but if push came to shove he doesn't mean it from his core....


in addition, I married my husband who is 11 years YOUNGER than I am knowing that a. I will probably push his wheelchair and b. i'll probably bury him.


I wish you a lot of luck with it. I hope it all works out. I"m a bit of a pessimist about relationships.

Oh Nessa, you are indeed cranky this morning! :D

That said, I do agree with some of what Nessa said. I am also very suspicious when guys talk about marriage early on in a relationship. Even if they are sincere, I just don't think they're SERIOUS about it--they talk about getting married in a wouldn't-it-be-nice day-dreaming kinda way, not realizing that we women actually put stock in what they say.

Also, in the beginning, they're probably feeling carried away by the intensity and novelty of their emotions that they're just "going with the flow". My husband did that too at first, talking about getting married and having a baby within 6 months of the relationship, while I remained cautious. Then of course a year and a half into it, when everything he's been saying might actually become a reality, he flipped out and started back-pedalling. MEN! :rolleyes:

However, I don't think pre-marital couples counselling is a bad idea at all, especially since it sounds like the goal of your counselling would be to prevent potential future problems, not to fix current ones (in which case, I too would agree with Nessa that things shouldn't be THAT hard in the beginning).

Before Hubby and I got married, we did couples counselling, both with a regular therapist and with our minister friend who officiated our ceremony (the latter was required by our friend's church before he could marry us). These sessions were extremely helpful for two reasons:

1) It helped us lay the groundwork for developing an effective communication style with each other, especially when discussing sensitive issues, right from the get-go.

2) It helped ferret out all the important issues that every couple should discuss thoroughly before getting married, such as finances, expectations about sex, whether or not to have children, how to raise those children, setting boundaries with the in-laws, etc.

I actually think it's pretty smart for you guys to be doing this now...BEFORE problems arise.

Good luck and I can't wait to hear about your session!

Okay, I have to post to clarify this.
Shane and I talked about this a little more, and apparently the counseling is more for him than for me or us. Basically it's what I thought, he's still having issues with the age difference. I respect that, I don't understand it, but I respect it!
It's also been a LONG TIME since he was SERIOUSLY involved with someone.(did I mention that about 10 years ago he almost joined the priesthood?)
He said that he was "confused" I don't know quite what to make of it. But we're seeing the couselor on Tuesday (yeah I know Valentine's Day). He made a comment this afternoon that Valentine's Day will be a new begining for us. Don't know what to make of this either?

oh sweetie he has serious concerns about the age gap. I hope he can get past them.

oh sweetie he has serious concerns about the age gap. I hope he can get past them.

Actually, it sounds like he has serious concerns about romantic relationships in general (hence the priesthood) and the age gap is just the convenient scapegoat.

Chikygrl, I bet he's just feeling overwhelmed by all the WONDERFUL feelings he has for you--and he's just confused because at one point in his past, he was ready to swear off all woman and commit to god! :eek:

Just go to the session on V-Day with an open mind. You may be pleasantly surprised. :)

Chiky, I agree with everyone. It's good that he's getting these issues out and wants to work through these now. A committed relationship is a big switch from priesthood, and I bet he's just trying to deal with this AND the agegap.

Also, was he ever married? My BF has been married twice, and he swore off women after his last divorce. I know that he had trouble letting himself feel vulnerable and was scared about committment because of past experiences. OM can have more baggage to deal with and I think it's great that Shane is wanting to deal with it instead of stuffing it further back into the closet.

No, he's never been married and doesn't have any children.
However he was engaged twice and had his heart broken.
Life hasn't been easy for him (alcoholic parents and he was homeless at one point, about 15 years ago).
He also has issues of passing on learning disablities and propensity to alcoholism (which is why he doesn't drink) to our children.

Shane sounds like a sweetheart to be concerned about those things, and genuinely wanting the best for you. I can see how his rough past could make him worried and want to make sure he does things right. Hope your session goes well next week and he gets what he needs out of it!

He really is such a sweetie!
He came over this evening and cooked dinner for me and my grandmother (whom I'm living with while I finish my education) and then we watched the opening ceremonies for the olympics.
I thank God everyday, for I have been truly blessed with him in my life!
(though it's odd, he almost became a Priest and I almost became a Rabbi!!)