Kids my age ???

Hi all ! This is my first asking for advice post. I've tried on other relationship based forums but they were nieve in accepting the "age gap". I know where to come to now. Anywho, my G/F is 36 years old and has 2 daughters. The older is 19 and the youngest is 17. I was friends with both of the daughters before I met her and after a short time talking to my G/F accidentally (I was trying to talk to her daughter online) we hit it off and life hasn't been better for me. I never knew I would end up with such a beautiful older woman at this time in my life and I thank god for everyday he gives me with her. But all isn't "biscuits-n-gravy" if you catch my drift. I went to high school with the older daughter and am a month older than her. I really have no problem with them and would gladly accept them as friends again but for some reason they refuse to accept that their mother and I are seeing each other. They argue with their mother constantly about me and will absolutely not accept the fact that we go out together. They assume they knew me because they were my friends and make up wild stories about me. They really only knew me a few months and assumed a lot of stuff about me. For example they somehow assumed I was sitting back leaching social security disability payments and had no car or no job and I am such a big womanizer. Nothing could be further from the truth. I have a car, have a job, I go to college full time and have never ever cheated on any of my past girlfriends and this is the first time going out of my age group for me. I don't know what it is they have against me but for some reason I'm the worst person in the world to them and deserve to be shot lol. The 19 year old I haven't even seen in months so there was no confrontation there but her mother tells me about what she says about me. The 19 year old doesn't argue or fight with her mother but she asks her mother to leave me. The 17 year old once walked in on her mother and I sleeping in bed (we were nude but covered up ) and she attacked me throwing shoes, a basketball and a lamp at us and she was dragged outside the home by her aunt after which she decided to try to bust the windows out of my car. Her aunt stopped her again and sent her home after which I was so saddened by the whole experience because I don't understand how so much hatred could come out of that girl when I really am not a bad person and love her mother seriously and intensely. Other than hwe kids being a major hurdle all else is great. We have great sex, we just seem to "mesh together" and most importantly we are very open and honest with each other. I feel like I can tell her anything and I do. Anybody else in this situation where the kids are near your age and are lashing out ???

Wow. First of all, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation! (((((HUGS))))

I can't believe the 17-year-old actually physically attacked you :confused: and I'm glad your aunt kicked her out. I hope your gf also gave her a good long lecture! :mad:

As for the 19-year-old, is there any chance she is jealous because she liked you for herself? (You mention that before you met your gf, you were friends with her and was talking to her online.) If she had a little crush on you, that might explain her horror about you dating her mother, though it certainly does NOT justify her behavior.

Bottom line is your gf is free to date whoever she wants and she is NOT obligated to explain or justify her choices to her daughters. They need to learn to respect her private life--and you, just for being their mother's friend, regardless of their own personal feelings towards you.

P.S. Welcome to the board!

I forgot to mention that another member here, SierraNevada, will be back from vacation in a week or two and BOY, can she tell you horror stories about her same-aged stepkids. You are definitely not alone! :D

I don't think he needs to hear horror stories!

But I do think it's different for a younger guy and daughters... Daughters tend to have a close relationships with their mothers- often time more if the mother is divorced or single... And this mother sounds like she was young when she had them, which also tends to form a "friendship" bond more than a mother-daughter bond...

They're probably threatened by you... not just that you are taking their mother from them, but you being their age... it's not conventional, therefore they probably have some worries about what is "wrong" with their mom to be with someone THEIR age. It's just going to weird them out.

It's good that you are open with it because they are just going to have to get used to the whole idea. TIME, my friend...

I don't think he needs to hear horror stories!

Hahaha, true, true. I just wanted him to know that many here can feel his pain! :D

Well, --im placing myself to your g/f's daugter--- since i am also somebody's daughter and being in the same age like them...

Finding out that (IF) my mom dating my friend, that would makes me scared to death. I would feel humiliated by their behavior especially if my another friends find out what happend!!! I might have no guts to put my face in the school. Because there might be some girls laughing at me behind my back. And i was ever feel 17. That even worst!! The girls in 17 usually put judgement to another based on what they see, not what inside. So the 17-years-old attacked you might be because the expression of her fear to get rid off you.

But since you said that you really love her, that means you have a hard way to go to convince the daughters that you both sharing not only sexual need but also happiness. We both share common problem about AG. One of them is family matter. My advice is, dont attack them back. Even say something to convince them may sounds silly to others who dont understand. Just show them...

showing is better than talking

not to justify her daughters...but,me being myself in a 19 age gap relationship (that used to be 15 lol but that is a different story :D)i would freak out if my mother had a relationship with someone my age.Is that being judgemental?i dont doubt it.Things would be different if she dated a 30 something yo guy...is that stupid?for sure,does it make a difference between the 20 something or 30 something?not really,but we are talking about MY mother,i know it would take me a while to understand,and fully trust the guy,but i know too i eventually would cause in the end all we want for hose we love is them being hppy.

Being together and happy is nice,what their children are doing is not fair,but i think they will understand.
how long have you been together?maybe it is just too soon for them yet.Maybe it was just shocking for her seeing you in bed with her mom and lost control.I am not saying what you are doing is not good,but if i were the mother i would try to avoid such kind of incidents by having as little contact as possible so far until with the time they see it is serious,it is love and her mother has never been happier than now.They may be young but not stupid nd finally they will understand i am sure. Try to be in their place,and be patient :)

oh just one more things,many people never manage to see "mom and dad" as adults and persons with needs,able to love other people beyond their children or dad,sounds stupid but it happens,even to grown up children.In this case,i think it is just too soon for them.

Good luck!

Just like has already been said, I can see how it would be difficult for the daughters to accept, partly because you were friends with the one before you met her mom. That would make for quite the interesting social situation if her friends know you and find out you're dating her mom. That doesnt make their behavior right in the least, but try to be alittle understanding.

If the two of you truly love each other and make each other happy, then they'll probably eventually come around. I have 3 stepsons 5, 7, and 9 years older than me. They're all in their 20s and probably at a more rational place in their lives than teenage girls, but they still were not overly accepting of any relationship their parents have with other people. Their mom is dating someone 2 months older than her and they have a problem with him because they dont think he really loves her. It took them awhile, but they accept hubby and my relationship because they can see that I make him happy.

It will probably just take time. Hang in there.

Whoa, hang on a second here, folks. How is Mrbeefy's situation any different than when we date someone close to our parents' age, and our parents don't understand or approve because they think it's weird?

It's not like the daughters in question are little--one is an adult and the other is almost there. They are, for all intents and purposes, GROWN-UPS and should act accordingly. I'm sorry, but THROWING A LAMP AT ANOTHER PERSON is not appropriate behavior, period.

Now don't get me wrong--I agree with all your advice, i.e. that he should try to be patient and try to see it from their point of view, but I feel that some of you are being too easy on the daughters. :confused:

Personally, I always sympathize with the kids in these situations. It is DIFFICULT to have parents who are no longer together, and then to have one date someone significantly younger. I always feel as though the kids have every right to be resentful... they don't have to be mean, but it is a TOUGH situation, and I would hate to be in it personally.

So.... after I posted this last night, My G/F called me and we met up. We had one of our beautiful talks together where we discuss everything. One of the subjects brought up was her kids. She confessed to me that she believes both her daughters actually did have a "crush" on me. Appearently they didn't tell her about me but she overheard her daughters talking about me once and it was of a very uhhhhh explicit nature. She admits she feels a bit wierd about that and asked me if I had any romantic "episodes" with her daughters and I denied that. In all honesty I was trying to just be friends with them and appearently they couldn't have that. So that does explain some things but it sure doesn't justify any of it. I feel so bad for these girls, I wouldn't want to be in their situation either. I have taken all consideration for them also. When asked about my girlfriend from my guy friends I calmly explain to them that I'm trying to help out her daughters by not bragging about her openly. This fall when the 17 year old turns 18 I overheard her say she's gonna leave and live off of her trust fund she's getting and the 19 year old is going back to college this fall smemester. I realize that solves nothing but the be proverbial knife will be off my proverbial neck ! My G/F and I plan to move in together once we figure out the particulars of my job and when and where she starts working again. So the situation seems to be unraveling a bit but I really hope the 17 year old decides to grow up in the time she leaves. I fear for my car sometimes, I might buy another just so they don't recognize what I'm driving.

IF you think that the girls moving out will make a difference you're sadly mistaken.... they move out, you move in take over their home, gonna make it ten times worse....

How old are you?

He's 19- the same age as the older daughter.

may i ask...again,how long have you been together?do you think moving in together will be the solution?sounds to me like it will be much more pressure for both the kids and the couple,but if you think it is the best thing to do go ahead.

IF you think that the girls moving out will make a difference you're sadly mistaken.... they move out, you move in take over their home, gonna make it ten times worse....

How old are you?
I didn't say that. I'm looking at an apartment near here and want my G/F to move in with ME. Currently the 19 year old lives with her grandma and the 17 year old and my G/F live with my G/F's nephew in his house. Should the 17 year old move out this fall, this might all happen but until then it's still quite iffy. I need my own place now myself. My dad isn't going to help with college anymore so I have to move out and start working full time again. I wish I could have finished college but appearently pops doesn't want to help me out anymore so I have to go get another job and keep the one I have or get a full time job again.

reread this qoute =
I realize that solves nothing but the be proverbial knife will be off my proverbial neck

EDIT: We've been together for four months now and we've been planning moving in together for most of that time. I know it's hard and stressful on all involved and I don't believe it's the solution. I just wish we could be together a lot more than we are.

He he...I have an older man with daughters YEARS older than me. His daughters are CRAZY! I would never want to raise girls. So much drama. I've never met two ladies who so definitively KNEW what was right for everyone's life...and how two people could be so right about absolutely EVERYTHING!

I don't have any advice. They never go away. Like herpes. You can treat the outbreaks, and institute a containment policy, but that's about it. The best you can hope for is that meet good looking hippy guys with cars and move across the country. I pray everyday that my man's oldest daughter's newest boyfriend's company decides they have a position for him in California. She's pretty smitten with him, and might follow him there. Youngest daughter is slowly moving closer to us. Maybe I'll get lucky and she'll get drafted or something.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Sierra, you crack me up. It's nice to have you back! ;)

I need my own place now myself. My dad isn't going to help with college anymore so I have to move out and start working full time again. I wish I could have finished college but appearently pops doesn't want to help me out anymore so I have to go get another job and keep the one I have or get a full time job again.

Have you looked into financial aid or anything for school so you can finish? It might sound like a great idea to move in together, but I think you might have more luck with your relationship in the long run if you have some independence before you move in together. I know at 19 I wanted to move in with my bf. Living on my own for awhile, supporting myself by myself, helped me get more ready to actually be with my bf full time. I think if I hadnt had that time, we wouldnt have worked out as well as we have. (sorry if this doesnt make much sense, I just finished a test and my brain isnt working so well).

Financial covered the entire thing! lol But just living with dad and having him support me appearently is too much for him and he's "Tired" of me. Whatever that means. So yeah I'm pretty "tired" of living here with dad too, for some reason he thinks he's not independent at all and I just recently showed him that he is. I haven't lived on my own in a year or so and I miss the independence and it would be nice for my G/F to live with me and share my everyday with her.

If you really want to finish school, its entirely possible, especially if you qualify for financial aid. I didnt qualify for ANYTHING last year (my parents made 10k more than what would allow me to qualify for something), yet I managed to get a loan that took into account living expenses, yeah you have to work parttime to make it work, but its entirely possible.

If the 2 of you have only been together 4 months, I would seriously consider taking more time before moving in together. If nothing else, get to know each other without the drama of having her daughters around everyday. Its your relationship and you know whats best for it, but I would seriously consider saying I love you and want us to work out, so I dont want to rush anything. Lets just date until say december, and let the relationship develop.

Just my opinion, as I've said, its your relationship and only you know what is best for it.

We are full-blown in love with each other already and both of us are ready we are just waiting for her daughter's qaulm to pan out. That being said I meant my dad doesn't want me living with him anymore for no rent and I only have a part-time job working for 6.75 an hour. Financial aid for us Indigenous Native Americans is great, covered everything with money to spare. I was talking about moving out and living on my own for now. Not sure if I will continue college this fall.

It sounds like the 2 of you have a great relationship going and I hope someday these problems with her daughters are just distant memories.

Being really close to your age and looking at the job trends in the US, I would really strongly recommend continuing in college if you are able. I know quiting school often looks really good (trust me, I would love to make this my last quarter), but its hard to do much without that little piece of paper. And, its easier to go now then to try to start again when you have a house payment, car payment, etc. My husband has a great job without a college education, but jobs like his are very hard to come by anymore (he'll have been working there 20 years in july). His youngest son didnt do the school route and just hasnt been able to find much, at least around here, without any education. If not fullblown university, I would at least recommend considering a trade school of some kind.

Wow, well I've rambled on a whole lot more than I meant to. Sorry about that, I seem to have shifted your whole thread. Whoops.

I realize after being the workforce as a general laborer for two years where I would be if I don't get my education. I hope to go back this fall after my finances are set up and my living situation gets uhh situated lol.

Sorry if I came across as preachy...it really wasnt meant that way, but I just reread my post and it kind of came across that way.

Oh no prob, I know what I'm doing ;)

Sounds like.

Sounds like.
nonononononononono
I make it look like I know what I'm doing :p

nonononononononono
I make it look like I know what I'm doing :p
LOL....I dont think I have yet met anyone who TRULY knew what they were doing. Looking like you know what you're doing is doing pretty good.