Different Sexual Preferences [Archive] - MIND THE age GAP

Softiee21

02-12-2006, 10:07 PM

Scenario: Say you and you’re partner have WAY different sexual preferences… Like one’s into finding the ultimate pleasure AKA the ultimate orgasm, where as the other partner feels just fine with the current sex life? . Where is the compromise? Terry’s “Ultimate” would be with multiple partners with us, where as myself I am very happy with just us. Is there a compromise? Is there a way to sexually satisfy you’re partner to the point where they feel that sex just between the two of you could be the “ultimate orgasm”?

Thoughts/Suggestions?

Momma Nessa

02-12-2006, 10:20 PM

Hold on to your hat....

THE PERSON with the lowest comfort level sets the rules.

i.e. if your partner wants to 'swing' or be 'kinky' and you don't. then THEY are the one to compromise.

Now that being said... there are ways to spice up a sex life that remains just the couple. Role play, sex toys, etc...

but WHATEVER is decided... the person with the LOWEST comfort level ALWAYS sets the rules.

at least in my weird life.

Softiee21

02-12-2006, 10:39 PM

Some Dude

02-12-2006, 10:40 PM

Some Dude

02-12-2006, 10:42 PM

Momma Nessa

02-12-2006, 10:46 PM

Ah nessa you know how much I really wish I had the comfort zone you do in you're relationship in regards to sex/swinging/bi-sexuality?

I don't know why I can't seem to have the whole "open" relationship/ultimate pleasure attitude that terry does.... He claim's to respect my wishes and understands that just not me.... But at the same time I feel like I'm not being fair to him..

I just don't know how to "Spice" it up enough to make it the "ultimate" for him...

You know what softiee.... YOU can't have the open relationship thing cause it's just not RIGHT FOR YOU. and that's OK.

trust me my lifestyle is so NOT for maintream folks and that's a good thing.... it would really upset those who don't feel this way to be in the minority... just like hetrosexuals would freak if we lived in a predominantly homosexual world....

YOU have to be true to yourself.

why do you think your such a disappointment to him?

if you like we can take this to PM and talk.... or im me on yahoo....

Some Dude

02-12-2006, 10:53 PM

trust me my lifestyle is so NOT for maintream folks and that's a good thing.... it would really upset those who don't feel this way to be in the minority... just like hetrosexuals would freak if we lived in a predominantly homosexual world....

One might say that someone in an alternative lifesyle wants to be in the minority cause that makes it more taboo.

And I don't believe homosexuals want to be looked at as anything but equal.

Emzak

02-13-2006, 02:47 PM

Be fair to yourself first. If you do something that you know you're not comfortable with you will regret it and it can be a big strain on your relationship.

Softie, I agree with Some Dude. You can't compromise your own values and beliefs. I hope Terry is not trying to pressure or guilt-trip you in any way. :(

Softiee21

02-13-2006, 05:38 PM

Softie, I agree with Some Dude. You can't compromise your own values and beliefs. I hope Terry is not trying to pressure or guilt-trip you in any way. :(

I don't know if he did/does it intentionally but this issue went as far as almost destroying the relationship.... As some of you may know Terry and I did some couple's counseling (first he did individual then I was brought into it) and one of the main things that the counselor mentioned was that Terry was probably going to "resent" me for not being able to fulfill his sexual preferences... When this was said to Us Terry didn't say much of anything. When I brought the resentment thing up to him a few days later, his response was pretty much that he hopes he doesn’t one day, but he can't guarantee it...

I don’t know, maybe I need some ideas how to "kink" up the relationships.....

Momma Nessa

02-13-2006, 05:43 PM

softiee, i get the feeling..... that your being blackmailed.

i.e. do what i need you to do, what i want you to do and i won't be unhappy. if you don't do as i need you to do i will be unhappy and it will be your fault.

that's childish and immature.

grown ups compromise and give in. they care not about themselves as much as their partner. i would do anything I can to make sure brian is happy. that being said.. i'm the much more sexually adventerous partner.

your SO needs to suck it up and deal.

YOU are not responsible for his happiness.

do you think you could go to the adult toy store with him?

Salt

02-13-2006, 06:12 PM

Well Softiee, I see it like this.

Jane does not like TexMex. Even so, everytime Jane eats TexMex she gets the winds something bad. Jane does not eat TexMex. Jane hates TexMex. TexMex makes Jane feel terrible.

Dick loves TexMex and really really wants Jane to eat TexMex too. Actually, Dick so loves TexMex he wants it all the time, with Jane.

"How about a vanilla ice cream cone Dick?"
"Vanilla? Don't they have TexMex?"
Now Jane may be willing to try some sprinkles on the vanilla cone, but TexMex is just not her thing.

Now, Jane can just say "Ok Dick, you eat TexMex BUT I'm going for some Italian." Doesn't bother Jane that Dick loves TexMex, wants TexMex (but then again, it might). But it's bothersome that Dick pressures her to eat TexMex.

Problem - we're not talking about food, are we.

Momma Nessa

02-13-2006, 06:16 PM

the problem with that salt is that dick may start to eat tex mex with sally who loves tex mex and not invite jane.....

Salt

02-13-2006, 06:24 PM

the problem with that salt is that dick may start to eat tex mex with sally who loves tex mex and not invite jane.....

I'm hoping Softiee comes to that very conclusion.

Lanners05

02-13-2006, 07:13 PM

I'm sorry Softie, I understand your dilema and my only advice would be don't compromise if it makes you uncomfortable because you'll be bitter about it later.

BUT, I spit juice all down my chin after reading this!!!

the problem with that salt is that dick may start to eat tex mex with sally who loves tex mex and not invite jane.....

Funny as hell, sad, but true ;)

Alanna

Emzak

02-18-2006, 06:25 PM

one of the main things that the counselor mentioned was that Terry was probably going to "resent" me for not being able to fulfill his sexual preferences...

I can't believe she said that! :mad: A therapist is supposed to help UNITE a couple at odds, not drive them further apart by making assinine remarks. Did she also mention that YOU will probably end up resenting HIM someday for practically forcing you to do something against your values and comfort level? :rolleyes:

You know what Dr. Phil would say to Terry, right?

"What the hell is wrong with you, man? She's your WIFE and the mother of your CHILD! Grow the fuck up and just get some porn like everybody else."

fos4snt

02-25-2006, 07:13 PM

"What the hell is wrong with you, man? She's your WIFE and the mother of your CHILD! Grow the fuck up and just get some porn like everybody else."

ROFLAO! Now, that's a fair thing to say. ;) So long as it doesn't become an addiction... porn, I mean. :eek:
~phos

CindyLee

02-26-2006, 06:26 AM

Ok....I am with everyone else on he shouldn't pressure you and you shouldn't do anything that you don't want to do...

But, what about a strip club? Kind of involves others but doesn't bring them into your bedroom?

Just a thought.

Movies...

Maybe actually talking about what he expects from such a scenario it may be the fantasy is better than the actual reality of it. Reading stories, maybe playing along with him talking through the scenario while in bed...or wherever.:D

Just a few thoughts.

Softiee21

02-26-2006, 08:28 PM

Sdoah

02-28-2006, 01:43 PM

Thank you guys for you're responses!!

I don't know what’s really going to happen with this issue. T has admitted that he feels like he has abnormal sexual thoughts in regards to this, and he wants to find alternatives that will completely satisfy us both in this relationship... I don't think a three-some is an abnormal thought, but it’s just not for every individual...

He's been talking about Tantric Sex lately... He would like us to "Study" it... Anyone have any experience with this?

Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! My first post and it's about sex. :p Softiee, definitely give the Tantric sex thing a try. I've read quite a bit about it and it's wonderful in regards to increasing intimacy. Adam and I have tried one exercise, but given that we're a world apart normally we haven't got to try much more, but let me just say that the one exercise was incredible!

Personally, I find threesomes tiresome. No offense to anyone that likes them, but both Adam and I have participated in a threesome in the past. (not with eachother...couldn't do it with someone I love) Neither of us found it to be exceptional. He and I are very, very experimental and we've found other things that are much more fulfilling than adding another person to the mix. We've gotten so deeply involved with eachother sexually that adding another person would just mess with our groove.

I highly reccomend reading up on Tantra.

~Shan

Poll

02-28-2006, 01:49 PM

Personally, I find threesomes tiresome.
I've never had a threesome. Why do I consider that advice cold consolation?

j/k Welcome! :D

Sdoah

02-28-2006, 01:55 PM

I've never had a threesome. Why do I consider that advice cold consolation?

j/k Welcome! :D

LOL! Well, actually I bailed before it really got started. Two extremely heterosexual males were trying to split me down the middle. It was just very off putting.;)

~Shan

Poll

02-28-2006, 02:59 PM

But a proper threesome has two women. It's written on a stone tablet somewhere.....

Momma Nessa

02-28-2006, 03:09 PM

But a proper threesome has two women. It's written on a stone tablet somewhere.....

in my house a proper threesome has 3 women and an audience.

Poll

02-28-2006, 07:30 PM

in my house a proper threesome has 3 women and an audience.
Ummmm wow.
I retract what I said

Softiee21

02-28-2006, 08:22 PM

Ummmm wow.
I retract what I said

hmmmm.... In my house if there was going to be ANY threesome (which there wont be) it would be 2 guys and myself... :p

Poll

02-28-2006, 08:29 PM

And the voice in my head that calls itself God says that's unnatural :p

sapolula

03-01-2006, 03:32 AM

[...]

Flanker

03-04-2006, 09:06 PM

Trish

03-05-2006, 02:31 PM

What is a threesome? :D

Fantasy is the most powerful driving force when it comes to sex. No other force including love and commitment can overcome the force of fantasy.

Some times we do not know what our heart fancies till our eyes lock with the stranger making our heart skips a beat.

The best relationship has love, commitment, and fantasy all in one.....
And it does all start with the heart skipping beats....
Which is something, I've discovered, one never gets too old for.....

Flanker

03-05-2006, 06:25 PM

We continue to yearn for romance all our lives. :)

Trish

03-05-2006, 06:52 PM

We continue to yearn for romance all our lives. :)

Yes....and someone should just shoot me and put me out of my misery.....http://bestsmileys.com/lol/5.gif

Softiee21

03-06-2006, 08:56 PM

"Moan and Groan" I think I need to start a new thread now, asking as to where you even find TIME to have sex with you're partner?

Mine is now out of town almost EVERY week.... *sigh*

Emzak

03-07-2006, 11:12 AM

"Moan and Groan" I think I need to start a new thread now, asking as to where you even find TIME to have sex with you're partner?

Mine is now out of town almost EVERY week.... *sigh*

Wow, that sucks! Is it for his business? How far does he have to go? Ugh.

((((HUGS))))

Softiee21

03-07-2006, 08:21 PM

Wow, that sucks! Is it for his business? How far does he have to go? Ugh.

((((HUGS))))

Yup its all about wooooooooooork.... He is usually in the Ft. Worth area sense that is where our biggest client is based out of...

Flanker

03-07-2006, 11:24 PM

Life has no meaning without sex.

Trish

03-08-2006, 12:47 AM

Life has no meaning without sex.

Is that a Buddha quote because if it is I'm converting....IMMEDIATELY!! http://bestsmileys.com/lol/10.gif

Flanker

03-09-2006, 12:40 AM

Is that a Buddha quote because if it is I'm converting....IMMEDIATELY!! http://bestsmileys.com/lol/10.gif

Those quotes are from a fallen angel. :)

Trish

03-09-2006, 12:49 AM

Those quotes are from a fallen angel. :)

No, I just think they are from a human angel....

Flanker

03-09-2006, 12:51 AM

No, I just think they are from a human angel....

That conclusion is quite plausible. Human angels are indeed horny angels. :)

Trish

03-09-2006, 01:05 AM

That conclusion is quite plausible. Human angels are indeed horny angels. :)

Then that completely explains my crooked halo.....

fos4snt

03-10-2006, 12:16 PM

Then that completely explains my crooked halo.....

You mean like this?

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2004-10/866457/TrishAngel.gif

BTW: I love that picture in your signature line. ;) :D
~phos

Emzak

03-10-2006, 01:36 PM

You mean like this?

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2004-10/866457/TrishAngel.gif

BTW: I love that picture in your signature line. ;) :D
~phos

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Trish

03-10-2006, 03:13 PM

You mean like this?

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2004-10/866457/TrishAngel.gif

BTW: I love that picture in your signature line. ;) :D
~phos

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! http://bestsmileys.com/lol/1.gif

I do NOT look good with wings and a halo!!!!!!!!! LOL! I better stick with the horns and pitchfork!

Thank you, Fos.....that's hysterical! I'm very glad I logged on here before going to work. I really needed that laugh....

And thank you for the compliment about my picture. I bought a new webcam so I took a bunch of pictures with it the other day. The quality of the cam live is pretty good. But the pictures came out very bad.....all pixelated....I don't know what I did or didn't do because I messed around with all the settings....

Gosh, that picture is too funny! I don't know how to do things like that. Every time I look at it I crack up all over again!!

fos4snt

03-10-2006, 03:58 PM

YAY! That was all I was hoping for... ;) A Trish laugh. :D Hehehheee...

~phos

Trish

03-11-2006, 12:57 AM

YAY! That was all I was hoping for... ;) A Trish laugh. :D Hehehheee...

~phos

I'm saving that picture so when I feel down in the dumps....kinda like now....I can have a good laugh....that is too funny! I still have to show it to my daughter. I can almost imagine what she's going to say....lol!