Another ex rant

So my 11-yr-old stepson broke his collar bone during baseball practice and Hubby did not find out until...............three days later! :eek:

And that was only because SS happened to mention it when he and Hubby were emailing about something else. You'd think that Hubby's ex would have the courtesy to call and tell him about it as soon as it happened, but nooooooooooooooo. :rolleyes:

It's amazing the extent she would go to pretend that Hubby doesn't exist. I just hope she didn't tell the kid something stupid like "See? If Dad cared about you, he would have come to the hospital." Urrrggghh! :mad:

The worst part is that she is robbing the kid of his father's presence and comfort at a time when he needs it the most, but she doesn't see it like that. :(

Ugh.. I would be irrate. I don't particularly care to talk to my daughter's dad, but there are obviously times when you have to let go of your own personal issues and just do whats right for your kids.

My ex doesn't pay me the support he has agreed to, or any for that matter, but I never say no when he wants to spend time with her. Again, our problems, shouldn't hurt the kids.

When my parents were divorced my mom played the poor me role, she bashed my dad every chance she got. I would hate hearing her bad mouth him back then and once I got older and could make my own decisions I ended up living with him. He wasn't perfect, but he never said a bad word about my Mom and he and I are very close now, while my mother and I are not.

I'm sorry you guys are having so many issues with the ex, she is just digging her own grave, one day the kids will see it for what it is, in the mean time I know it sucks. Hope he's feeling better.

That really does suck. Last summer my oldest fell at the pool and busted her lip open. She had to have five stitches. I called my ex-husband on the way to the hospital. My mother kept my youngest and I needed support. He and his new wife came and I was very thankful. His wife even kept giving me tissues as I snotted and cried over my baby as she had the stitches sewn into her little mouth.

I look at it this way. I'm a single mother, I need help and they need him in their lives. I'm not going to keep him in the dark about anything. People have always commented on how well my ex and I get along. I get along with him because my children did not ask for this divorce. I want them to have the best life possible even though I screwed up. So, I suck it up and work with the ex-husband. We both attend soccer games and all their birthday parties and any other function of theirs along with his new wife. It makes my children feel loved and secure and as much as I don't like him my children are more important than my petty grudges.

I also choose to live my life without bitterness. I'm not going to waste my life walking around bitter. That's no way to live.

Shan

wow!! You guys are all such great parents.
When I was a kid I was thrown from a horse and broke my knee. My mother NEVER called to see if I was okay (she was gone by this point). My father, who had been on holiday in Mexico (a 4 hour drive from my house) decided it would be best if he stayed in TJ for a few more days.

It's amazing the extent she would go to pretend that Hubby doesn't exist. I just hope she didn't tell the kid something stupid like "See? If Dad cared about you, he would have come to the hospital." Urrrggghh! :mad:

The worst part is that she is robbing the kid of his father's presence and comfort at a time when he needs it the most, but she doesn't see it like that. :(

I can empathize with your hubby's situation. My ex has done her upmost to deny me access to our son and him access to me. It is hurtful to me and I am sure it is hurtful to our son but she does not see this point of view. I have tried many times to contact him but she stops me in all cases; it's been one year since I last spoke with him over the phone and over two since I last saw him.

I'm quite certain she is brainwashing him, convincing him that I don't care or love him or that I don't ever try to contact him. Many people tell me that he will try and seek me out when he gets older but I don't have the same faith that others around me have. It is a great sin to have one parent's personal views and biases interfere with the balanced development of a child.

Robert.

Thanks, everybody!

When my parents were divorced my mom played the poor me role, she bashed my dad every chance she got. I would hate hearing her bad mouth him back then and once I got older and could make my own decisions I ended up living with him. He wasn't perfect, but he never said a bad word about my Mom and he and I are very close now, while my mother and I are not.

I know this is what Hubby is hoping for, and it just might very well happen with the way things are going right now. He has never said one bad word to the kids about their mother, whereas she trashes him every chance she gets. Also, he makes all his child support payments on time and makes a point to stay involved in the kids' school activities, even when she doesn't tell him about them or (purposely?) gives him the wrong information. I don't think she understands how lucky she is, as far as ex-husbands go. :rolleyes:

My ex has done her upmost to deny me access to our son and him access to me. It is hurtful to me and I am sure it is hurtful to our son but she does not see this point of view. I have tried many times to contact him but she stops me in all cases; it's been one year since I last spoke with him over the phone and over two since I last saw him.

I am so sorry to hear that. How old is your son? When he grows older, he's going to realize how much he has missed out on because of what his mother did, and his anger will be profound. How long have you been divorced? Also, do you feel the situation has gotten worse after you re-married?

That situation really does suck. Thankfully your stepson is old enough to probably realize what his mom is doing. When hubby and his ex split up, his kids were 1, 3 and 5. Some of the shit his ex says happened, his youngest kids werent old enough to remember so they just went along with what mom said. She had the youngest one convinced up until very recently that hubby had sexually molested him.

She has also thrown in accusations that hubby was the one cheating and she was the victim. (the reason for the breakup was the middle son was talking to hubby and asked why the neighbor guy and mommy took naps together). He has also been accused of not paying child support.

The oldest son was old enough when most of this was going on that he knows his mom is full of shit. Its been a real challenge to get the youngest son to see his dad at all. Hopefully your stepson is old enough that you wont have the same problems.

Well, this is in response to Robert's comments. My parents went through a really bad, long divorce. My mother tried doing that stuff to my father. The biggest constant of the situation was my father's attempts to maintain contact. He was calling, and coming to sporting events, and school functions. You may have to find out the times from the school and the coaches etc., and you should keep track of every time you called and mailed. I know this is so discouraging to keep at it - but peacefully keep at it. It will mean something someday, and once you have a record of attempted contacts, you may be able to have the situation addressed through the courts. Of course I don't know your situation, but in most situations, the father has enforceable rights.

I am so sorry to hear that. How old is your son? When he grows older, he's going to realize how much he has missed out on because of what his mother did, and his anger will be profound. How long have you been divorced? Also, do you feel the situation has gotten worse after you re-married?

My son will be 8 in August. He was five when I last saw him, which was the time I became divorced. He lives on another continent so my only means of communication is by mail or telephone. But now those means are cut off because all comunications must go through his mother.

The split was amicable but after another person entered their lives, my ex turned around and has become mean and disagreeable. I have my suspicions as to the cause for this 180 degree turn around but it is not because of my remarriage -- she is not aware of this fact yet (to my knowledge).

I am 100% positive that my son is receiving disinformation from his mother. When I tried to find out information from my son's school, I was denied based on a lie that they had been told about me. It took a call to the school board lawyer to reverse the situation and get access. If his mother is lying to the school, she is lying to our son for sure. It's a very bad situation but I am bearing up as best I can and I get wonderful support and understanding from my wife which helps.

Robert.

Missy, I am amazed by how calm you and your hubby are handling his crazy ex. I would have totally lost it by now.

Prompe, your situation sounds worse than ours. I'm sure we are not the only ones having this problem. I wish there was some kind of online support group for divorce dads--we tried looking for one but came up empty. Maybe we should start one! :D

Irish, it made me feel better to hear that your dad's attempts to stay involved managed to register with you. Hubby is doing everything that your dad did, but his kids seem so nonchalant about it, like they couldn't care less if he showed up or not. Sometimes I wonder if we are simply playing to an empty audience, and I'm happy to know that we are not!

Here is a link with a few support groups for MEN... you can also google "Fathers Rights, Support Groups" and there are MANY hits.

http://fatherhood.about.com/od/mensissues/a/support_groups.htm

~phos

I'm in contact with a local support group, www.f2f.no. The reps there are pro-father and have been wonderfully helpful in guiding my way through the legal maze. However, the organization is viewed to be militant right of center (hawkish) and one person has advised me not to align myself with them for that reason. Oh joy!

My mother was the classic case of "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." She would cry and beg us to stay with her on his weekend. My sister often stayed behind. One night she was drinking and sat us down very seriously to tell us that our father had been arrested for dealing cocaine. We were hysterical, and it was NOT TRUE. Except for the personal problem in the marriage, he is a very well-respected person within the community. She tore him down to anyone who would listen, and I think it would have been easiest for him to move even 10 miles away, but he remained where he was. We always had the understanding that he would take our phone calls 24/7 and even though we did not receive his messages, we made outgoing calls.

There were so many bad years, but even my sister, who was brainwashed and alienated found her way back to my father. My mother still walks out of the room when my father and wife walk in, but both parents have relationships with the grandchildren. My mother is really the one now with the problematic relationships in the family because her poison methodology crosses all kinds of lines.

I just think that even though it is so discouraging for the fathers, you don't know what is happening to them psychologically. My sister and younger brother would feel disloyal for showing my father affection. We could hear my mother's words in our heads. We were not allowed to speak of my father's girlfriend's NAME. If she gave us a gift, we would lie and say he gave us the gift. Even after she was happily married (4 years later) to a wonderful man. It's not until you are older that you realize you have been a pawn, and then all those messages, cards, e-mails from Dad are going to matter.

People like that make me really mad! She is obviously not looking out for what's best for the child. Just because they are upset or whatever w/the former spouse they keep them out of the children's lives, a father figure is very important, and yeah she probably did say something along those lines to their son. I don't think that is going to help a young boy's self-esteem if he thinks his dad doesn't care about him. I feel bad that you have to deal with her.