Young and Pregnant

:( I am saddened by catgirl's thread because I wish I saw it and responded to it sooner because it seemed like she needed help although she didn't give us a lot of time to do so :(

What would you say to another young person who was young, alone and pregnant if she came here for advice?

I have actually recomeneded to my students to have abortions. When I was teaching high school, I lost 5 girls my first year because they got knocked up. They were all either 15 or 16. They would come to me for advice, and I wouldn't tell them flat out "Have an abortion", I'd lose my job if I did that! BUT I did tell them that they HAD OPTIONS!! They didn't HAVE to keep the child, they didn't HAVE to get married, (to good for nothing little cholos!) And if they were afraid of their parents reactions, there were places they could go that would protect them.
I think 2 girls got abortions, the other 5 didn't. Damn Mexican Catholics, breed like freakin rabbits. I told them flat out when they left that they were "Fucking up 3 lives and needed to think about what kind of life they were going to have for themselves OR their babies!"

I think EVERY teenage girl, from the age of 14 to about 19 needs to work in a preschool or daycare with about 15-20 SMALL children, for at least 6 months. I guarentee the teenage preganancy rate will GO DOWN!!!!
I was 19, all I wanted to do was have babies, then I started teaching kindergarten, I'm now 29 (well will be in about 3 weeks) and in a couple of years I'll be ready to have my own kids!

i didn't see the thread, but for any teenager i would also recommend abortion. then get yourself on the pill..

Abortion can leave too many emotional scars...

Why isn't adoption one of the first things that ppl think of? Why is abortion so easy ???

I had a child out of wedlock. I gave birth and gave my daughter up for adoption. It was not easy, it was the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. I cried for many years on her birthday, but when I met her 11 years ago, I knew that adoption was the right decision. With abortion you can never go back...

For personal reasons, I am not one who would suggest adoption over any other option.

If I were in a position to give advice to a young woman, I would tell her to explore her options, and would (probably) tell her about some of the realities of adoption.

I would recommend they consider every option they have. Being pregnant when you dont plan on it is a huge deal. Every choice has major pros and major cons.

I do think abortion is the right choice for some...its not something I could ever do personally, thats just the way I am. Adoption is perfect for some, but terrible for others. Same goes for keeping a child and struggling to raise it.

Its an incredibly personal choice and I really disagree with anyone pushing one option as the one "right" way to handle the situation.

the same thing i did here. state that abortion is a legal option, and let her make her own mind up.

I'm not for changing the existing laws.

But if someone is coming to you looking for advice, what do you say? Young pregnant women might look at the world and feel mostly judgment and intense fear. As one mentioned, many girls drop out of school. But isn't it fair to say that being a single mother doesn't have to mean the end of your education? Don't many single mothers "make it," as hard as it is? Is it fair not to tell someone (who is asking) that many people regret having abortions, and mourn their decision?

Sometimes people assume that their boyfriend won't step up to the plate, and assume that their parents will disown them. After all is said and done, and they let people know they've had any abortion, people may say, why didn't you let me know? I would have liked to have done x,y, and z.

Well, I know a lot of people who say they made the right choice, and I know a lot of people who are suffering from their choice.

I know many single mothers who made it. And made it brilliantly. One was 16. Was excommunicated from the mormon church due to her pregnancy and unwillingness to marry the father. She left home, left Utah, came east, fought for and made a wonderful life for herself and her daughter. When her daughter was 10, she was 26 and going to college herself. I have nothing but admiration for her. And she would counsel (and did) to other young women that you can make it work, its not the end of the world, and you do not have to live with regret ~ either of abortion or adoption.

I was unwed and in college when I got pregnant. I considered abortion for all of about 10 seconds. I knew I could not live with the "what ifs" throughout my entire life ~ what would he/she be like now, what would they look like, could we have made it work. Guess what. He's 10. He's amazing, the light of my life and has helped me grow into being the person that I am now. The mere fact I considered it for 10 seconds is even too much to fathom. I honestly don't know how anyone could make that choice ~ or would. (Not that I think I have a right to tell them not to... )

I would never counsel anyone who I remotely cared about to have an abortion. Just wouldn't do it. I would counsel them, if they asked my advice, that they can make it work and become a stronger person as a result of it. My son derailed my life, but it didn't end. It became something different. And in many ways, it became something WAY better then I could have ever imagined without him.

~phos

I would never tell anyone to have an abortion.

There are other options out there. Thats what I would tell them. I would encourage them to consider those other options.

Nadine.

I would never tell anyone to have an abortion.

There are other options out there. Thats what I would tell them. I would encourage them to consider those other options.

Nadine.


and if they did consider them and still wanted the abortion then what?

Then I don't agree with it...but there's nothing I can do but hope they realize they've made a mistake and hope that they learn something from that experience.

Nadine.

Then I don't agree with it...but there's nothing I can do but hope they realize they've made a mistake and hope that they learn something from that experience.

Nadine.

and if they gave the baby up for adoption would you hope they realize they made a mistake and hope they learned something from the experience?

Just barely out of the teen years myself I want kids actually. My G/F is older and has had children before so that's not an issue and I'm not going much further than community college then directly into a career. However I beleive it is an issue of maturity and capability. Lets say I got one of my ex-girlfriends pregnant. I would have been prepared to handle it no matter the maturity of my former partner. My family is large and all of my brothers and sisters have kids. It must be a "peer pressure" thing huh ?? :D

I think you're onto something Mr. Beefy. If you are young and pregnant there is the "what will my friends think?"; "what will my parents think?"; "my boyfriend can't handle this"; or "my boyfriend won't love me"; and "no one will love me." It probably does feel like being between a rock and a hard place.

and if they gave the baby up for adoption would you hope they realize they made a mistake and hope they learned something from the experience?

Obviously if they're considering alternative options...they've already realized that they've made a mistake.

Yes...I would hope they've learned something from the experience.

I would hope that they would be more careful when having sexual relations.

Nadine.

Well, here's another one where I've "been there, done that"....sheesh...by the time I'm through here I won't have one single secret left....well, there are a few things you people will never get out of me....lol!

Anyway, when I was 18 I got pregnant with my son. I swear it happened the first time I ever had sex. We were already engaged but we hadn't set any wedding date, and who knows if we actually would have ended up getting married if I hadn't become pregnant. I actually found out I was pregnant on my 19th birthday. I was so niave that I was really in alot of denial. It was 1972, pre Roe v. Wade....women had abortions anyway....the back alley type and a few that doctors performed. One of my best friends had one performed by a doctor because they said to go through with the pregnancy would damage her mental health. So it was possible, albeit not easy, to get an abortion back then. At the time, I had no family support for anything in my life so I definitely couldn't go to them and tell them I was pregnant.

I considered having an abortion. Then I realized that because I loved my baby's father and we might actually have a life together in the future, I couldn't live with myself knowing I had terminated our first pregnancy.

Now, having said all that, I would definitely counsel a young woman to consider abortion as one of her options. I have a 19-year-old daughter. Because of my life experiences, I've always been very open with her and honest with her. When she became old enough to be sexually active, and there was a boy she adored (who she's still with now), I talked to her ad-nauseum about sex and getting on the Pill. I told her if she was even thinking about having sex I wanted her to tell me so we could make a doctors appointment. Well, despite everything I said to her, she still became sexually active....unbeknownst to me....without protection. Well, they did use condoms....I got tipped off to that when I was in her room one day and found them. But it was about a year before she finally admitted it to me and we made an appointment for her to go on the Pill. That was about a year ago.

I have a 23-year-old niece who got pregnant at age 20, and my sister and brother-in-law are helping her to raise her daughter. Personally, I wouldn't want to do that....I want my daughter married with a good job and a husband with a good job before she ever starts having children. We actually had that very conversation a week ago.

So, I guess all I can say is I'd offer all the options to a young woman. Abortion would be one of them.

By the way, I didn't see the thread that this discussion is based on. I hope the young woman who started the thread doesn't feel that we didn't help her because if I had seen the thread I definitely would have offered any help that I could provide.

Hm, well I think if someone came to me, like my sister's sister in law who is 17 or so and she wasn't sure what to do, I'd present to her all her options, 1) have an abortion, 2) have the baby and give it up for adoption, 3) have the baby and keep it. They all have pros and cons.

I personally if I was in her position, and got pregnant when I was in high school, I would want to have an aboriton, though it's easier said hypothetically than if I was actually IN that position. But anyway, I wouldn't want nor try to force my option on what she should do because it's not me and not my choice. I don't have to live with the decision. Really, all 3 options are very difficult and are all life changing if you are not prepared or have planned getting pregnant and REALLY torn as to what to do.

But yes, it's a controversial issue and people are going to do what they're going to do. Sadly, sometimes people don't understand the consequences of having sex until something unplanned occures, whether it be a pregnancy or an STD. I think when people decide to have sex, they really should realize they are saying "I am prepared to deal with and know what could happen every time I have sex." Though I think only a small number of people think that. I did when I decided to have sex, the thought of getting pregnant or an STD scared the crap out of me. Even when I'm on the pill and using condoms, I still think in the back of my head that anything can happen.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents.

Well i know i did the right thing for right now and that latter in life maybe i will become a mom when i am ready. just to let u all know im 26 years old too.
i will say thou it was hard for me to do what i did but i know it was the right thing to do at the time cause im still living with my dad and i would like to have my own place before i become a mom. So now im just trying to figer out if im still in love with the would have been dad.