well we saw the tharapist

Well part two of my saga!!
Shane and I saw the counselor this afternoon (I talked about this in an earlier post). It went well, I think. I know he certanly feels better about us. He said he thinks "we have a fighting chance"! Actually what it really comes down to are two things. Apparently he's afraid that I'm going to meet some hot young thing and dump him like a dirty rag. AND he's afraid of becoming a burden on me when he gets older.
I understand these fears, and I respect it.
But like I told him, I live in the now. YES I'm afraid of the future, I don't know what is going to happen 10 minutes from now, or 10 years from now.

I do know that I love him and that's not going to change.

So... any of you dealing with issues like this?
How do I convince him that HE is the best thing for me???

you can't. you just put one foot in front of the other and keep on going.

I feel this way about brian. i'm 11 years older. here i am barely able to do anything. he needs a younger wife... a prettier wife.... it's really about the only thing we fight about.... it pisses him off when i feel like this.

it's cause i love him. i want him happy and my self-esteem does NOT permit me to think I could be that person.

does that make sense?

:eek: Well, I think these concerns on the older partners part are very, very normal. I had a freak out last week! :eek: Nessa, wise counsel that she is, gave me the kick in the shin I needed to get over myself already. LOL.

Worries are normal. If you're not paranoid, you're stupid. But if paranoia makes you freeze up and NOT go on anyway, then you're even stupider. ;)

Nothing in life comes without risk, and nothing comes without challanges. Struggle on!

Anything good is worth the fight.
~phos

I understand the older parnter feeling this way...

But what if the younger partner sometimes thinks like that? I worry all the time about how Alec should have a prettier girl...smarter...funnier...how he maybe should have someone closer to his own age...with more "wife" skills...yada yada.

The problem is...that I love him too damn much to let him go.

So I have to swallow those fears and live life instead of letting life live me.

Nadine.

"problem is I love him too damn much to let him go"


do you really really REALLY want me to address this?

cause i don't buy it.

I loved brian so much when we were dating and i wanted him to be happy and IF THAT MEANT that he had to be with SOMEONE else then I was willing to let him go.

When the LDR relationship he was having at the same time he was pretending to woo me, went south he cried. TO ME. (not realizing that I had become his best friend on top of everything else) I asked him "do you love her and do you REALLY want to be with her?" He said he did. AND as much as it killed me... I knew i would never be happy if i had a man with me who truly loved someone else but settled for me.

SO I did everything in my power to help him get to her. To help him figure out how to make it work with her. I knew it was a bad thing for him to be with her but I had no choice... it was what made the man I Loved happy.

To me personally I LOVE HIM TOO DAMN MUCH TO LET HIM GO is not about loving him but about being selfish..... You need to love someone too damn much NOT to let them go.

right on nessa!

My question is, what happened, and how did you wind up together in the end?

there is an old saying and I forget how it goes, but it's along the lines of "if you love something, let it go free..." Anyways the point is, we have to let go of the ones we love. When they come back to us, than it's ment to be.
Right after new years Shane and I went through a real difficult time. Long story short, the woman that he works for, her mother had passed away and Shane took me with him to the funeral. We thought it would have been a nice gesture. That's when the SHIT HIT THE FAN!!!! Apparently the really Catholic Philipeno family was scandalized. Apparently his employer had given the family the impression that they were romantically involved. (that's a WHOLE other issue!!) SO Shane was fired (and than hired back, it's still not really settled).
Anyways, long story short. Seeing that I was the cause of more strife in his life I offered to backout quietly. I told him that I thought it would make his life a lot easier if I was no longer a part of it. Well... Shane wouldn't hear of this. He insists that this woman is going to be like this regardless if I'm in the picutre or not.
So I stayed. The point is, regardless of how much it would have hurt me, I was willing to leave him, to make his life easier.
God I love him!!!

True version:

If you love something
set it free
if it comes back to you it's yours
if it doesn't, it never was


Prefered version:]

if you love something
set it free
it it comes back to you
it's yours
if it doesn't hunt it down and kill it.

right on nessa!

My question is, what happened, and how did you wind up together in the end?


ah yes... it worked..

i've told the story at ageless but my posts are not searchable and many of them are magically disappearing...


anyway i told him i would help him and i tried.... and she continued to demand things of him and berate him and insult him.

and i was just quietly helping him. I loved him but he was just not going to be the man i needed him to be... not if he loved another.

and then one day he told me... I realized that the person that REALLY loved me was you... and I realized that the person that I loved was YOU

and that you are the best thing to happen to me.

I pushed him to her. I let him come to me at his own pace his own speed.

we met online 11/02. we met IRL 12/1/02. we moved in together the end of march 2004. we married 12/31/04.

every day we are more and more in love....

so much so it scares me....