Let's talk about the pink elephant in the room--YOUR FAMILY!

My parents HATE the fact that I'm in an age gap relationship. But then again, they've disliked every bf I've had, for one reason or another (not age gap related). I think they just hate the fact that I'm dating PERIOD. I haven't spoken to them in over 2 years.

What's your relationship with your family like? Do they approve of your relationship? If not, are they still supportive? Do you even care what they think? What about your extended family--do they like your SO?

In the beginning, my parents hated the fact that I'm in an age gap relationship, but after talking to them about it I found out it stemmed from an abusive age gap relationhsip my mom had been in before she met my dad. Now, they seem to really like him, my dad even took him fishing awhile ago. The biggest problem they seem to have is that they now have 3 grown step-grandsons and a step-great-granddaughter while feeling like they arent old enough to have a daughter in college. So, we just dont talk about his family.
My extended family.....I'm not sure what they think of my OM. If they didnt like him, they probably would not tell me because they know it wouldnt change anything.

At first, both sets of parents heavily disapproved of the age gap and our being together. It took them both about a year to get over it, but they continued to be supportive of us individually (as in, no threats of disownment or cutting us off or alienating us... we just had to endure harsh comments and disapproval for a LONG time).

BUT, as time has gone on, his folks have come around ~ as have mine. My mother still worries he'll leave me and hurt me AND the kids, but the fact that she homeschools my kids and hears such glowing reports from them all the time has a huge softening effect on her.

For Christmas this year, we went to my parents house in the AM, his parents after that, then dropped my son off at his other Gramma's (and spent about 2 hours there, because that family is AWESOME in every regard... love the hell out of my ex-MIL because more generous, open, wonderful people just don't exist and I want to grow up to be JUST like her ~ LOL ~ she's also in an YW/OM relationship, BTW) and then back to my folks for dinner and then back to his folks for dessert. LOL. THEN home. Crazy, eh? Anyway, I drew a nice, large, photo-realistic drawing of Litical for his folks and when they opened it... his Mom cried. Kinda freaked me out, but that was a really cool moment. It was a good drawing, but I didn't really expect that. The hugs helped a lot, too...

So yeah, they are supportive of us now on both sides. We've come a long way, but it's been worth every second of it. His mom even asked him a while ago not to run off to Vegas to get married or anything, cuz that would bum her out. LOL!!
~phos

Phossy, I want to see the drawing!!!! Do you have a jpeg or something?

And it's so nice that both your families and missymissus's family came around. Unfortunately, I just don't have a good enough relationship with my parents even before all the bf troubles, so there's no foundation to "re-build" a relationships. There was no relationship in the first place!

And SO MUCH has happened in my life that they don't even know about--me quitting my job and going back to school (they were not supportive of me wanting to go to law school so I never bothered to tell them last year that I was applying), getting married , buying a new house, etc. etc. The phone # they still have for me is like from 3 cell phones ago. And once I move, they won't even have my address. And you know all the legal trouble we've been having with Hubby's ex? Well, if my mother knew about it, she'd totally stick it in my face ("See? I told you so. You made your bed so lie in it.") and that's the LAST thing I need right now. When I told her that I was dumping my ex because he cheated on me, she had the nerve to say that *I* must have done something that "drove" him to cheating!!! :mad:

So I guess after years of them threatening to disown me (and actually doing it three times), I finally disowned them. It's a bitter-sweet feeling. :(

I was disowned by my father at 17 (not for any relationship issues...) and what i learned is that you must be strong on your own and must count on yourself. your family may not agree, but you must do whats best for you.

it's tough!

When I told her that I was dumping my ex because he cheated on me, she had the nerve to say that *I* must have done something that "drove" him to cheating!!! :mad:

How Chinese of her.

My parents were never against it... they had concerns... especially before meeting him... but they still wanted me to be happy.

He and I got together in August '03 and they wound up meeting him that November, for Thanksgiving, because THEY invited him... so even with concerns, they still tried to be supportive.

They have pretty much totally accepted it now. They like him and get along with him... although I do think my mom still makes sure to tell everyone and their brother how old he is.

His parents are in their 80's and the sweetest people in the world... they have always been great but always wonder what on earth I see in their bonehead son! He's sort of the black sheep... he moved out early and did his own thing for 20 years, when his 3 sisters and one brother were all married at 20-22 years old...

His brother and sisters and their spouses are all 20 years older than HIM (he was a surprise) so sometimes I feel like they think I'm kind of a joke... since they're all in their late 50's and earlly 60's and have kids older than me... but I just act like me and thats all i can do!

I kept my relationship a secret from my parents (not really intentionally...i just didn't tell them about it. It was easy not to...I didn't live at home and it never came up when I would call home to talk)...and when I told them about it...a month before I moved from Texas to North Carolina...the crap hit the fan.

My parents were livid. Not only because in their eyes I had lied to them...but also because of his age. (he's 44, I'm 23...he's older than they are) My dad went so far as to call Alec (my bf) up and scream at him to leave me alone.

To say the least, things were tense. My mom threated to disown me lots of times. My dad got to the point where he didn't even want to speak to me.

Now that I'm out here...and I've been here for about 5 months, they've relaxed.

They actually paid for me to go home and visit the week inbetween Xmas and New Years. (I made sure they knew I was spending the actual holidays with Alec) My dad actually talks to me now which is nice cuz I've always been a daddy's girl. My mom actually send presents for Alec home with me...and made us an ornament for our tree that says "Nadine loves Alec." *grin* Totally shocked the heck out of me!

So things are getting better and time is healing wounds. I do worry about my parents though...between my leaving and my sister (she's 1 getting engaged and wanting to move to Iowa...I worry about their sanity. lol.

Nadine.

Emzak--WOW, I just read your posting about you and your parents' relationship...i'm so sorry to hear that! It is too bad that it has to be this way. Do you think you'll EVER reconcile??

My parents have come closer than ever to threatening to disown me ever since my relationship with my OM had begun. It was so shocking to me at the time, because our relationship (parents and I)had always seemed great. I always thought they would support me and trust me in my decisions. It hurts me deeply even now that they didn't and still don't, and were willing to sacrifice our relationship. Our relationship has definately changed (and in some not so good ways) since all of this. It makes me sad sometimes, especially when I never meant to hurt anyone simply by falling in love with someone.

They actually paid for me to go home and visit the week inbetween Xmas and New Years. (I made sure they knew I was spending the actual holidays with Alec) My dad actually talks to me now which is nice cuz I've always been a daddy's girl. My mom actually send presents for Alec home with me...and made us an ornament for our tree that says "Nadine loves Alec." *grin* Totally shocked the heck out of me!

Wow, that's great! It sounds like they're finally coming around. Have they ever met Alec in person? Have you met his parents?

Emzak--WOW, I just read your posting about you and your parents' relationship...i'm so sorry to hear that! It is too bad that it has to be this way. Do you think you'll EVER reconcile??

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, esp. since my husband and I are trying to have a baby so there will be a grandchild in the picture not too far in the future. I think I've come to the sad conclusion that while both my parents are still alive and together, a reconciliation is unlikely.

Why? Because my parents are kinda like the black sheep in the family. They are literally together 24/7 (they work together and don't really have any hobbies, friends, etc. apart from the other) and are so isolated from the outside world that they're completely out of touch with reality. I really think that one of them has to die before the other one will be willing to step outside their fantasy bubble.

For example, my mother doesn't really have anybody to confide in or vent to about stuff. She doesn't have someone who can give her objective feedback and say "Hey I hear what you're saying but maybe the other side has a point too". Not only that but she actively AVOIDS seeking feedback from people. For example, I just found out through a third party that she's been telling friends and acquaintances what a great Christmas she had because her daughter (me) came to visit them for a week and we had a "nice family reunion". Now keep in mind that I have not seen this woman for almost 3 years!!!

I almost fell off my chair when I heard about this. Instead of confiding to the friend about her family troubles and asking for help, she concocts this stupid story as a cover-up. Basically, whatever she disapproves of in my life, she pretends it doesn't exist. And I refuse to let her back into my life only to have her deny the existence of all that is important to me. :mad:

Wow, that's great! It sounds like they're finally coming around. Have they ever met Alec in person? Have you met his parents?

My mom and sister had lunch with Alec and I right before I left for North Carolina. I think that's what helped my mom realize that Alec wasn't an ax murderer or child molester.
My dad still refuses to meet him. But I'm hoping with time...

What worries me about that is that Alec and I talk about getting married...but I don't know how to tell my parents about that when it comes down to being time for it. *sigh*

As for Alec's parents...no...I haven't met them. I have talked to his dad on the phone...he's a hoot! :D

Nadine.

Well, both our parents are ok with it. Not happy, not disappointed (I hope) but just ok.

My parents are pretty wrapped up in their own little world and as long as my life doesn't interfere with it, then they are happy. Emzak....my parents are in their own little world too - I can relate though they don't seem to have anywhere near the same attitude; they are just out of touch with reality. They haven't met him yet though....I guess we've been putting it off cause my BF is worried that they'll think he's too old.

I had to meet his parents because we were stranded in their neighbourhood (long story - they live out of town). Anyhow, we had to stay the night at their house. It was stressful because I was NOT prepared for it. But, I guess it worked out for the best - I didn't have the chance to get all worked up about it and I had no choice to back out :o . Anyhow, the only real feedback that my BF got about me was that I'm tiny and young-looking. I haven't a clue as to what that is supposed to mean :confused: . I think that what his mom meant was that I'm tiny so I look really young? I think he's avoided saying how old I am and just says "around 30".

My mom likes G. And she has come to accept our relationship (almost 5 years later, but better late than never, right?). My father didn't speak to me for almost 5 years, and prolly still wouldn't be speaking to me if he hadn't been forced to by a few major family traumas we had this summer. But my family, especially my father, is totally dysfunctional, so it was no big surprise when he "disowned" me. But I have learned to accept it.

My siblings like G and they have no problems with the fact that it is an AGR. My sister was a little skeptical for a time - she was concerned with our future when he is "really old" :rolleyes: But she actually knows him the best and like him the most out of all of my family. Before we were even a couple, when we were all just good friends, she used to say to me that she thought we would make a great couple.

My aunt, the only extended family that I really, really care about (she's my "other mom"), also likes G (she would like anyone as long as they were good to me). She is in an AGR too.

I got lucky with this relationship. This is the only relationship that my Mother and Step-Father haven’t had a problem with….strange. I was raised as typical Asian girl; go to school and do good, make parents envy of friends, cooking and clean (basic domestic thing), and respect you elders and stuff like that but I was a total outspoken independent tomboy. So it came to a shock to them that my bf is well mannered and respectful; so that made them give the okay. My older brother (very protective of me), didn’t like the idea at first but grew to appreciate the fact that my bf was treating me right so now my brother approve. His family was in the same boat as my brother, and it’s been great. I’m finally going to meet them in person this summer when we’ll fly out to visit them.

Wow, it sounds like a lot of moms come around quick but the dads are stubborn as a mule! I wonder if it causes stress in a marriage when one parent disowns the child and the other one doesn't. I bet it must.

We were involved 6 months before I told my parents...
I went to my mom and dads house and let them know I had something to tell them that they might not like...
They went through the whole list of questions
Are you pregnant?
Are you in debt?
Are you on drugs?
Are you in trouble with someone???
It was sooo funny, but it conditioned them to know that what I was going to share could have been a lot worse:)
They were iffy at first, at least my dad is older that my OM, so I'm sure that helps.
We have been together for a little over 4 years now and it's just the norm in both of our families. Everyone is just happy that we are happy:D

I was actually my favorite Aunt (my Mom's sister-in-law) that told me to go out with Shane. We're very close and I told her that he had asked me out again (the first time was 4 years ago, and I had just gone through a bad break-up, & wasn't ready to get involved.) I told her that I was concerned (okay a little creeped out) by the age difference (I'm 28, he's 51). But Aunt Martha told me to give it a shot, who cares what anybody else thinks! Needless to say I'm SO HAPPY that I followed her advice. About a month ago (when Shane and I started to seriously talk about marriage) Aunt Martha told my grandparents that I was seriously involved with someone 23 years older, and they were really cool about it! They sent me a card and told me I have to bring him back east to meet the family. (my mom's whole family is in Tennessee, I'm in Los Angeles). I told my Mom and brothers about it and they were cool with it. (actually they were more like, "okay, whatever!").
So I have the support from that side of the family, which is really nice.

So the OTHER SIDE!! The side that I have to deal with everyday... the side that makes me crazy...

My Dad, well I couldn't care less what my dad thinks about anything, which makes things a whole lot easier! He left when I was 7 and didn't want to have anything to do with me unitll I started making money and he found out that I am the executor to his mother's will (or at least will be). He's ruled by two things money and sex and not always in that order!
He's not walking me down the isle when I get married (partially because he doesn't deserve it and partially because I'm not a piece of property to be "given"!)
So I haven't told him, he's met Shane, he likes Shane, he thinks Shane is too old for me.

My grandmother... well this is where things get complicated. I have lived with my grandmother since I was 15. I can't afford to move out of her house untill Shane and I finish school. I have student loans, I have a job, but rent and the cost of living in Los Angeles is just too high!! Shane and I are both in bad living situations (he's a caregiver for a disabled woman) but we just simply can't afford to change anything right now.
I haven't told my grandmother about us either. She knows we are friends and I think she suspects something but that's a whole other matter. It all comes down to the simple fact that the woman is paranoid. According to my father, grandmother is convinced that Shane is using me to get to her money.
First of all THERE IS NO MONEY! (everything went to take care of my greatgrandmother and my crippled grandfather).
Second he doesn't know that there ever was any money!
We live in a nice house, but that's all he knows.
The woman is nuts and she keeps getting worse. (She also thinks that I'm never going to get married and will be perfectly happy taking care of her for the rest of her life). SORRY! I'm not changing her dirty diapers for the next 20 years!

Wow, it sounds like a lot of moms come around quick but the dads are stubborn as a mule! I wonder if it causes stress in a marriage when one parent disowns the child and the other one doesn't. I bet it must.
Its the opposite for me...when I told my parents about my boyfriend being 22 years older, it was my MOM that totally flipped and my dad was....okay. He didn't approve, but he didn't totally ignore me like my mom did. Now that I've moved back, my parents don't really know that we're seeing eachother again, but they've got an idea. And, for now, I'm on speaking terms with both of them...but I am dreading the day that I tell them we're back together. I'm expecting full out ignoring me for a year, AGAIN. :rolleyes:

The last two girls I dated before Naya were at least 9 years younger than me. My mom has never been mean to any of my old girlfriends but she's always said "I wish you'd find someone your own age". But I didn't, heh. I took Naya back home to MO with me abouta month ago and my family really liked her. Naya is one smart cookie and is thinking of being a doctor. Once they heard that they kinda thought "what the hell is she dating you for?". I'm uncertain of that myself, but I'm not bitchin.

Today we went to the casinos for my boyfriends dad's 85th bday.

On the way back, his 83 year old mom said "I thought YOU two were bad but I saw a lady on Dr. Phil who was in her 60's and her boyfriend was 21.

So apparently, she does think we're "bad".

She said she hopes I know what I am getting into!

It took me a little while to tell my grandparents, who raised me and my brother, but once they found out, they were fine with it. They don't like my brother's wife very much, so it took the heat of my relationship a little. When we finally went up to see them together (they are a good 400 miles away in the summer, FLA in the winter) they took to Bill like he's been in the family forever, and they just hadn't talked to him in a while. In fact, they seemed to express little interest in talking so much to me, but had the time of their lives with Bill. They now refer to us as "you kids" and actually asked him, after knowing him for 8 hours if he (not we, but I think they meant we) wanted to MOVE IN with them!

My brother thinks Bill is totally awesome! He won't come and visit if Bill is out of town.

My mother...she's just on another planet. When she met him she tried to bum 5 bucks from both of us for scratchy tickets and smokes.

Bill's family of origin (not his kids) love me. His grandmother recently died, but his mother and aunt are both wonderful people. His father has been ill for a while and is pretty much confined to the home. He has 9 brothers and sisters, all of whom are very loving and caring people and have done more than any one could ask for to make me feel at home with their family. He is closest two his sister and brother who were born right after him (he's the oldest.) The first time I met his mother, she had a few glasses of wine, and decided to tell me a long and detailed version of why, of all her kids, Bill is her favorite! LOL!

Seirra, sounds like you have a great support system in both your families. Good luck with your relationship, sounds like you got a great guy.