My heart hurts...

I am trying to stay focused and work my butt off today but I just can't do it.

My daughter has her first day of school today. She is going from her grade being 30 kids, to this new town with 30 kids in her class alone.

Aside from the huge size difference, she knows noone at all. I am sitting here thinking, please god don't let her spend her entire hour for lunch and recess completely alone.

She was so brave this morning, but I could tell she was really scared. I guess at 12 your not supposed to be apprehensive (or so she thinks). I hope she meets someone, anyone today.. she is shy with new people so it's so hard.

Ugh.. I can't stop thinking about her and worrying... thanks for reading my babble..

You're such a good mom! I can totally understand your worry!

I was the new girl when I was 12 (and 8 and 16) and I was very, very shy. Painfully shy. Sometimes people mistake that for snobbery.:( And 12 year old girls can be mean with their cliques and attitude.

Here's hoping she is having a good day and someone is nice enough to talk to your daughter and invite her to eat lunch or play at recess. Being the new kid is so stressful. If anything this will also make her more compassionate towards other new kids because she's been through it.

You never know... she may come home excited and ready to tell you about all the new friends she made today! I'm crossing my fingers for you! If she had a terrible day and no one talked to her...:( The only thing I can tell you is that it happens and it's not indictative of the rest of the school year. Adjusting and making new friends can take time. Just encourage her to smile, be friendly, maybe include some extra cookies or something in her lunch that she can share with the other kids, encourage her to invite anyone she likes to sleep overs, to hang out after school. Let her know that sometimes kids feel threatened by someone new (especially if not many new kids enroll in that school).

Please keep us posted!

Thanks GF.. she's due home at 4.. it's going t be a long 2-1/2 hours.

Ugh. I don't blame you. I'm really hoping she had a good day! Keeping my fingers crossed for you and your daughter.

Ugh. I can imagine how scared she might be.

But Goldfire is right--it is equally likely that she is having a great day at school and is dying to tell you all about it!

Have you met the teachers? Are they nice? Maybe they set her up with a buddy.

We went to a meet and greet last thursday. It was overwhelming to say the least.. but her teacher was nice and said she would introduce her to the class today.

But my daughter is not a big fan of being the center of attention and I said that to her teacher, so hopefully it all went ok.

When I was 14 my father and step-mother moved us from a small town in New Jersey to Phoenix. I went from being in my last year of Junior High (7th, 8th, and 9th grade) with lots of friends, to being a Freshman in a huge high school where I didn't know anyone. It was terrible. I had to ride the bus for the first time ever since I'd been in kindergarten. The first day after school I got on the wrong bus.

I was painfully shy then, too. I only made a couple of friends there to have lunch with. Then before that school year was even over we moved again because the house my parents had built was in a different district. At that school there was a girl's club that would welcome new students and introduce them to other girls. The members kind of took the new person under their wing, took them to lunch, showed them around school. It was great. Some of those girls, one in particular, became my very best friends.

I'm sending good thoughts to you and your daughter. She'll adjust and in a few weeks you'll probably have kids at your house hanging out and everything will be great.

Also, when my daughter was in her first few years of elementary school we moved a couple of times and she had to change schools. She was in 4th grade when we moved here to Rhode Island and I promised her I would never make her move and change schools again until she graduated from high school. Thankfully, that's one promise I was able to keep. She graduated last year with lots of kids that she went to school with from 4th grade, through middle school, and high school.

At that school there was a girl's club that would welcome new students and introduce them to other girls. The members kind of took the new person under their wing, took them to lunch, showed them around school. It was great. Some of those girls, one in particular, became my very best friends.



What a wonderful idea!!!! Why don't all schools implement something like that for new students? Some people honestly have no clue how traumatic it can be for a child to be the new kid.

Because I changed schools so many times I always promised myself I'd do everything I could to make sure my child didn't have to start new schools as much as I did. When you're little it doesn't make that much of a difference. It's still scary, but little ones are more prone to acceptance. Older kids get in their cliques, feel threatened, and some honestly don't know what's it like to be in a new school.

When I was 16 I had to start my junior year in a brand new school. It was hell. They weren't used to military kids and deemed me a snob for living in Europe. They thought I was rich and shunned me. I didn't eat lunch because it was too embarrassing to sit alone amongst high school students. I spent my lunch break in the library. My mom came to pick me up one day and found me sitting alone in the library reading and it broke her heart. Thankfully, one girl took an interest in me after awhile and introduced me to her friends, took me to parties, etc. She introduced me to a couple of people that, to this day, are my best friends. I will never forget her kindness and willingness to take me under her wing (we're still friends although she's been lame about keeping in touch since I moved so far. Another story!). It instilled confidence in me and I ended up coming out of my shell and meeting lots of new people. My senior year turned out to be pretty cool with plenty of friends to hang out with.

Wow, Malani, this thread is really dredging up some memories for me! Good and bad!

Please, please post as soon as you can about your daughter! I want to know so badly how today was!

Even if the first day is hard for her,I bet in no time at all she meets some kids to be friends with,sounds like there will be a bunch to pick from...may just take a little time for her to get to find the ones she really likes:)

Nafadda.. she's a bit like you with animals.. she spent 4 days a week at the horse barn.. cleaning stalls, bathing the horses, feeding them and watering them.. then she came home and played with our dog for an hour or so. She loves animals, there were other kids at the barn, but instead of hanging with them, she would take the new pony for walks around the farm to get used to being handled.

I know eventually things will fall into place.. what also sucks is the fact that she's 12 and if the whole day was great except for the last 5 minutes.. all she will have to say is.. school sucked (well stunk) this happened.. then over the next 5 hours she'll spit out bits and pieces of the good stuff..

40 minutes and counting...

Trish I have my fingers crossed someone showed her around the school that really does sound like a great idea.

And GF Thanks as always.. hopefully the good thoughts are outweighing the bad thoughts..

And GF Thanks as always.. hopefully the good thoughts are outweighing the bad thoughts..

Oh, they are! At first it made me meloncholy, but then I thought about how strong it made me as a person and I wouldn't be who I am today if I weren't the new kid so many times.

She sounds like a wonderful girl with a compassionate nature and you can't beat that! I'm sure she'll have plenty of friends in no time and will get into the swing of things. This could be for the best!

awww,since she is an animal lover that says a lot about her.....true animal lovers have good hearts and things work out for them one way or another....your lucky to have a kid like that:)

*fingers crossed* hope her day went well for her. i got dumped into a boarding school at 14 and was extremely shy also. can understand your concern. keep us posted.

I asked how it went and she said "Much better than I expected". She ate lunch with 3 girls who she sits with (group of 6 desks) and says they are nice and thinks they will be friends. She also has a classmate on her bus who she talked to on the ride home.

I am so relived, and I can hear in her voice the relief. One of the girls suggested they all get together, to get to know each other better, she didn't want to invite them over without asking me, but I of course said.. anytime.. just let me know.

I know how hard it can be to get into a group of already established friends, so I have my fingers crossed that it will be an easy transistion and there won't be the jealousy of someone new taking away a friend. Luckily its already a group of 3, sometimes even numbers work better. I learned after countless sleepovers, always try and have an even number.

I was so nervous, I sat here with soda and cookies for her waiting on the report.. :)

I asked how it went and she said "Much better than I expected". She ate lunch with 3 girls who she sits with (group of 6 desks) and says they are nice and thinks they will be friends. She also has a classmate on her bus who she talked to on the ride home.

I am so relived, and I can hear in her voice the relief. One of the girls suggested they all get together, to get to know each other better, she didn't want to invite them over without asking me, but I of course said.. anytime.. just let me know.

I know how hard it can be to get into a group of already established friends, so I have my fingers crossed that it will be an easy transistion and there won't be the jealousy of someone new taking away a friend. Luckily its already a group of 3, sometimes even numbers work better. I learned after countless sleepovers, always try and have an even number.

I was so nervous, I sat here with soda and cookies for her waiting on the report.. :)

I'm so glad she had a good day! YAY!!!!! That's so nice of those girls to include her. I know that took a lot of your daughter's worries away!

It sounds like you'll be having a group of girl's hanging out at your house soon!

What a relief! I'm so glad for you and your daughter! :D :D :D

Thanks :) I guess I should go grocery shopping.. 4 kids for an afternoon will probably do a number on our snack cabinet...

Thanks :) I guess I should go grocery shopping.. 4 kids for an afternoon will probably do a number on our snack cabinet...

You know it!;) But so worth it.:)

so glad it went well!

Wow, it seems so different for boys. I recall days when I never said a word to my best friend. Males seem to communicate without words. Maybe it's all the grunts, groans burps and flatulance ??? :D






On a side note, my step-daughter started back at college yesterday. My G/F is a lil hurt about her daughter going back to the windy city and being so far away. I only hope my unconditional love can come close to the love of a daughter. :D

Awwww, I'm so glad things went well for her! I remember those feelings of being scared and lonely. I also think it's something we never quite get over....I know when I'm going into a new situation.....like a job, I have all that same anxiety again.

It sounds like she's going to be fine....and she'll meet other kids through the ones she's meeting now.

GF, my niece and nephew were military (my brother-in-law was in the Air Force) and I always worried about them moving and having to start over in new schools. Thankfully, they only had three moves to go through and they were able to be in the same high school (well, my niece was for 2 or 3 years and my nephew was for all four years). It does get so much harder once kids get older.

That's terrific! Your daughter sounds like a sweetheart and a real trooper. I'm not surprised to hear that she made friends so easily. :)