Losing One's Best Self

One of the worst parts about a relationship ending is the feeling of no longer being the confident, fully alive person the other was attracted to in the first place. Anyone else know what I mean?

I definitely understand where you are coming from. My ex and I were together for three years when we parted ways and I know that for me, it just took awhile for me to get back to my "normal self." I think there is a typical 'grieving' time for anyone with the loss of a relationship and during that time it is hard to be the happy, alive person you were before. The fact is that you don't feel that way anymore -- you've lost something very dear to you. It's like grief in any other realm, right?

I think if you just give yourself some time, you will find that it's easier and easier to find that part of you again -- and maybe even more so the next time around! :)

yup, I know what you mean. (((hug)))

oh yeah...

it just kills your self - esteem and then you have to revive it again.

It sucks.

I recommend the book "A FINE ROMANCE" by Judith Sills ( I thnk that's the author)

in it you learn that HIS (or her) leaving you is NOT ABOUT YOU but it's THEIR garbage.

YOU are all awesome wonderful women. If you were not I'd be GONE... I only hang with the best.

You know the one thing that made my life easier...

as i got older (i'd say about 40)... I learned.... WHAT others think does not matter as much as how I think and feel. It REALLY freed me up to be me. and enjoy.

it sucks when they take something so precious and personal from us because we let them.

heal quickly.

Nessa, I've read that book and I agree it's excellent.

Crackerjack, I know exactly what you mean. The feelings are ten times worse if the relationship ended without some sort of closure. When my ex and I split, I stayed single for almost a year (by choice) just so I can have enough time to heal and, more importantly, to get to know ME again.

((((HUGS))))

I know the feeling too,when my ex-bf and i broke up i had the feeling i did not know who i was anymore,and that no one else would ever find me "worth-loving" cause he was the only one who knew me that well and cause after all i had been with him in a very important part of my personal development (from 17 to 22 (not sure if this makes sense :D )).Some may think i was silly thinking that at the age of 22 but that is how i felt.

It may take a while but you will feel good again,you are the same awesome person someone fell in love with, the one their friends love for what you are.Circumstances change,so do people needs and feelings and they can affect your relationship but as i said,you still are the same awesome person you were before.

up with your self-steem,focus on you and not in others,you feeling well is the first step to a successful new life.Some people may like you others may not,it is not because of you but because of the attributes others value in you.You like yourself the rest will come :)

when i feel down i repeat to myself we are all unique and extraordinary human beings,and as someone once saw it someone else will,but it will be nothing if we dont see it ourselves.

sigh sorry,i always say it will be a short one and it is always long...i just cannot find the right words to keep it short :(

YOU say what you want CJ.... did you know MOMMA Nessa has a degree in Psychology?


and a few broken hearts...


talk to me bubbala...

Wow...reading this thread made me stop and think about my Ex...

When I left him...I felt like I had gotten my best self back...not that I had lost it.

Thats sad to me.

Nadine.

I am not very happy with myself right now.
Me neither...
I know what is like to feel that way...

when Chris left me. (you all don't know about him) i was devestated it took me MONTHS and MONTHS and MONTHS to feel human.

when I ended my second marriage.... I did NOT date at all for nearly a year.... i was just not all there.....

one day slowly we start to heal.....

interesting:
i remember that i would wake up thinking of the ex (not my husband a different ex).... i would think about him all day just about constantly, in the shower in the car... any minute my mind was not work occupied I was thinking of this guy..... i would fall asleep thinking about him....

one morning i woke up.... and i didn't think about him till the shower... wow... that's a big step... i did not wake up thinking about him

then a bit further down the road I realized i did not think about him till the car wow a bigger step...

one day further on down the road i got into bed and thought about him and realized WOW I had not thought about him ALL DAY....

it was not a short progression it took a good couple of months but it's nature if you let it happen.

LOL CJ... I'm not a guy and that's SO true! :eek:

I've had my share of heartbreaks and heartaches. I think, oddly, that I'm the kind of person who always ends up saying to myself the hell with that, I'm not going to wallow in it and just get the hell back out there and startin' livin' the best I can as soon as possible.

I'm also not sure I've ever, ever loved anything or anybody the way I do Litical and it scares the living hell out of me. Cuz, its like ~ inside, I know that he's probably the first person who could ever really truly hurt me. But yet, I trust him NOT to... which may be my demise some years down the road. :eek: I hold out hope that my instincts are right about him, though. ;)

Like Nadine, when my husband dumped me, it was like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders and I could look at myself again and see me... JUST me and damn was I relieved. The only sadness I felt was that I couldn't make him love me or see me for who *I* saw me as in that very moment. I realized then that I could never MAKE someone see that. They had to see it on their own... and if they didn't ~ it was there loss and not mine.

CJ ~ I've read some of your other posts. You are a true romantic with a good heart and a sensitive soul. Someone will find you and look at you in the way you truly deserve, desire and need and you will see all that reflected back on you when you look at them ~ 10 fold.

As Nessa always tells me (when I have my "off" days) ~ it's kharma, baby. It's how it works. Just keep being you and never give up. ;)

~phos

CJ ~ I've read some of your other posts. You are a true romantic with a good heart and a sensitive soul. Someone will find you and look at you in the way you truly deserve, desire and need and you will see all that reflected back on you when you look at them ~ 10 fold.

I agree!!!

There's nothing wrong with fixing things that can be fixed. You know, like the clutch on your car, or the woodstove that doesn't vent right, or the toilet that runs all the time. ;) Or the smack down some horrible friend needs and deserves when they've dissed ya.

BUT, some things cannot be fixed and aren't even things that SHOULD be fixed. If ya do all you can and it still ain't right, then there's nothing broken needin' fixed, except finding something else that WILL be right.

;)
~phos