My own demons

Hey yall...

I have some things I need to get off my mind...and I know that writing them is a good way to do that...so I hope yall can bear with me.

Alec and I's financial situation is NOT good. We basically make ends meet. I know it's wearing down on Alec really badly. He wants to be able to provide for us and to be able to have a little breathing room and not be worried about making ends meet.

I'm trying to get a job. Yes I'm picky about the kind of job I'm looking for...but I've asked Alec if he wanted me to just get a job job...and he said we were ok. My reasoning behind being so picky is that part of Alec's problems with his ex-wife were that she worked nights and weekends and they never saw each other. They were more like roommates than anything. I don't want that...I'm scared that we'll get like that. Not to mention that I have to work around my school scheduale.

Ok...so we're not destitute.....but it is starting to wear on us.

Today when Alec came home for lunch...he was a little down (his job is really stressful) and he made a comment about our financial situation.

I didn't know what to say...so I asked him the question that I really shouldn't have. I asked him if things would be better if I wasn't here.

He told me that emotionally...it wouldn't be...that he wouldn't be happy if I wasn't here. But that financially...yes...it would be better.

*sigh*

I know it's true. I try so hard not to be a burden on him...and I've been on a whole bunch of interviews and i just can't seem to land the job. I think my "situation" weirds people out.

Blah...I don't know. I know that I feel empty at this moment. I know that I feel like the worlds biggest weight around Alec's neck.

Nadine.

ah nadine...*H* its a rough time living like that and the uncertainty of making ends meet.
look a bit ahead...you have to finish in school... then you are bringing in a full time paycheck. both of you need to remember that!
you are interviewing today...and we all have our fingers crossed for you!
perhaps, if it comes to it... sit down with alec, see what hours you can work around school/his hours and see if someone will hire you with just that part time availability at the dreaded any job

hey nadine, now I'll give you hugs (((hug)))

I agree with Christina. Hang in there, once you are done with school, you will be able to contribute financially. And just because he said it would be easier, doesn't mean he doesn't want you there, he was pobably just stating a fact. :D It is hard to support another person.

Don't give up on looking for work - in time you might find something that fits your school schedule and leaves you time to see eachother.

Thought: I don't know what kind of school you go to, but might there be a job opportunity on campus? I know many schools hire students and make the hours very flexible. They don't usually pay much, but something is better than nothing, right?

((((((((HUGS))))))))

I don't blame you guys for being stressed. That's a tough situation to be in.

What did you mean when you said your "situation" weirds people out? How would they even know about it (whatever it is)?

I agree with Christina. Maybe it's time to pick one of those less-desirable jobs--ANYTHING to put more $$$ into the bank.

Good luck with your interview today. Let us know how it goes!

((((U))))

If I hadn't taken these last two semesters off of school here in Cali, we would be in the same situation. It's hard having one person in school and trying to support both.

Finding an on-campus jobs is a great idea, and have you checked around at local coffee shops? They're pretty apt to hire college students. Also, many daycares have afterschool programs from about 2pm-6pm that they hire college students to "coral" the kids. Telemarketing jobs are usually really flexable and pay pretty decent. Lastly, as a last resort, only if the world comes crashing down, there's fast food. Enough said. These are all part time jobs that wouldn't put too much strain on the hours you guys see each other. I mean, at the coffee shop, you might have to work some long night shifts and early morning shifts, but the tips are great incentive.

Hope this helps. Also, sometimes time can be best measured in quality, not quantity. And don't be afraid that what happened with Alec's ex will happen with you. Remember, this is a temporary situation for you. When you graduate, you'll be more stable in your hours. Sometimes you have to give and take a bit to get what you want in the future. Good luck! God speed!

Alanna:o

Well, living together can cause stress. Finances can cause more stress... together it can be rough.

My boyfriend and I did not want to live together. We were together for a year when I was living at home and at school and he had his own place... then we moved to Colorado and he moved in with his parents and I found my own roommates. We DEFINITELY did NOT want to live together until we were engaged...

but 6 months aftre living here, we moved in together, because it's hard to live with roommates when I have to get up for work at 1am... and he can deal with it!

But financially, paying half our rent isnt easy for him... But I won't cover it... I really want to push him to survive... I pay for everything else- food, I bought all of our furniture, I put down the deposit, I paid for all our Bronco tickets this season, I have bought the flights to Florida and to my brother wedding... but I do make him pay half the rent...

It's hard sometimes, when I come on here and a lot of people talk about how being with an older man is so great because he's so financially stable and takes care of everything... because my boyfriend just CAN'T.

But I also like the fact that it really shows that I love HIM and that is why I am happy to take care of most things... because I can, I am 23 and I make a good living and I was in a bad accident when I was 12 and got a hefty settlement from the insurance companies...

So if you can survive this, you'll be fine... because you know that your relationship can survive without lots of material things.

wow, i totally forgot that i just had a birthday and I am 24.

Thank yall so much for all the hugs. When I wrote my post I really needed them. I'm feeling much better now though.

First....I think my interview went well. It's not a job with lots of hours...so I'll probably keep looking for another job too...but it pays decently and I've definately got a leg up on the other people cuz I already know everyone there. *grin*

Emzak...when I said that my "situation" weirds people out...it's cuz when interviewers ask me why I'm in North Carolina rather than Texas...the first thing I get asked is why I'm here. Then I have to explain that my boyfriend moved out here...and yada yada.

I have been checking on campus jobs...the job site I look at almost everyday is from the campus website...and some of the interviews ive gone on have been on campus...so I'm definately keeping that in mind...cuz I know they're a LOT more flexible with students.

I think yall are right...once I finish my degree (and I'm really almost done too!) I'll definately be a lot more able to pull my weight.

I'm hoping I can put of the dreaded "anyjob" for a little while longer...but I'm thinking it might be time to start looking. i'm not afraid of the anyjob...I just hate it. Been there...done that. lol.

Ok...yall. Like I said....thank you all so much for your help and advice. I really was kinda worried about posting my thoughts on this...i felt a little weird about it. Im not sure why now! :D

Nadine.

I was a "tour guide" in college. It wasnt the best pay... 12 bucks per tour, but I could sometimes get them done in like 45 minutes... but sometimes they would take close to 2 hours if someone had tons of questions.

Not that it will pay the rent, but it's FUN and flexible if you are looking for extra cash. Not sure how your school handles student tour guides though...

I was a "tour guide" in college. It wasnt the best pay... 12 bucks per tour, but I could sometimes get them done in like 45 minutes... but sometimes they would take close to 2 hours if someone had tons of questions.

Not that it will pay the rent, but it's FUN and flexible if you are looking for extra cash. Not sure how your school handles student tour guides though...

LOL skibunny...it's funny you should mention campus tour guide! I actually interviewed for that!!! I figured it'd be pretty easy...seeing as I used to be a tour guide at Disney World. But...alas...didn't get that one! *sigh*

I'm really hopeful about the job I interviewed for today though! It seemed to go really well and I've got a leg up on the rest of the canidates.

Nadine.

Hey I'm glad the interview went well. If you don't mind me asking, what are you getting your degree in? Sorry if you've already answered this.

No! I totally don't mind you asking! :D I love to talk about myself...can you tell? *grin*

My degree is in Public Relations...with a double minor in Theater and Sociology. Once I finish this semester...i'll be two classes short...and I'll finish up those classes in the summer....then fly back to Texas and pick up my diploma!!! *huge grin*

Nadine.

Hey another good way to pick up some extra cash is to join focus groups. Now this isn't regular pay--maybe once every two months--but it's a great way to make $100 in 2 hrs. You can use the $$$ for special occasions and take Alec out to a nice dinner! I like Focus Pointe--not sure if they have it where you are, but just google market research/focus groups.

P.S. I forgot to say earlier that I'm in school full-time too so Hubby is supporting me 100%, not just financially but everything else. Like if I am busy studying (or setting up new internet forums! ;) ), he will make dinner, clean up, etc. I feel guilty sometimes too but the others are right--this is only temporary and you make up for it in other ways!

Hey another good way to pick up some extra cash is to join focus groups. Now this isn't regular pay--maybe once every two months--but it's a great way to make $100 in 2 hrs. You can use the $$$ for special occasions and take Alec out to a nice dinner! I like Focus Pointe--not sure if they have it where you are, but just google market research/focus groups.

P.S. I forgot to say earlier that I'm in school full-time too so Hubby is supporting me 100%, not just financially but everything else. Like if I am busy studying (or setting up new internet forums! ;) ), he will make dinner, clean up, etc. I feel guilty sometimes too but the others are right--this is only temporary and you make up for it in other ways!

My mom sent me this link to a secret shopper thing...her friend does it all the time and says it's a great way to pick up a little extra cash. I might give that a try on the side. *grin* And now I'll definately have to look into focus groups. Have you actually done it?

I know what you mean...I feel like if Alec is supporting me...then it's my job to support him as best as I can. So I do laundry, make dinner, keep the apt clean, lots of massages, ect. ect.

I'm feeling better about the whole situation now...we talked about it a little bit when he got home from work...and plus I know we're gonna make it. *grin* I just get down a little bit sometimes.

Nadine.

And now I'll definately have to look into focus groups. Have you actually done it?

Oh yeah, I used to do them a lot. My favorite times are when companies want to launch a new food or beverage product. Lots of free yummy samples. :) I've done focus groups for hair styling products, internet dial-up services, iced coffee, and a bunch of other stuff. It's quick and easy money!

Or you could be a lab rat and let scientists use your body for medical studies...

Or you could be a lab rat and let scientists use your body for medical studies...

*grin* I've totally entertained that idea!!! Especially since we live in an area with lots of medical research going on.

Problem is that I don't have the best medical history...and it causes my body to react funnilly (is that a word?) to things.

Nadine.

Alec and I's financial situation is NOT good. We basically make ends meet. I know it's wearing down on Alec really badly. He wants to be able to provide for us and to be able to have a little breathing room and not be worried about making ends meet.

I totally know how you feel, Nadine. I just recently moved back in with my parents because my boyfriend and I ended the lease at our apartment ($800/month) and we're living with our parents to save money. We're hopefully going to buy a house in ...6 months? But...I know how you feel..I only make $8/hour at my little receptionist job....plus I'm going to school. :eek: He makes much more than I do, but he has alimony payments, and those are $700/week. So, I know what you're going through. Hopefully when we're done with college, we can help out more!!

Alec and I joke about when I graduate and get a great paying job...about how I'll make so much that he can retire and let me take care of him! :D

I have to make a joke and try to smile right now...cuz i'm having a bit of a rough day. (more about that in Chit Chat)

Thanks to yall again for your support and ideas...it's good to know that there are others out there in the same boat...and also that think along the same lines as me. *smile*

Nadine.

oh honey!! I'm sorry! I know all about the financial situation!
Shane has had an odd assortment of jobs over the years (from off-shore oil to video-tape duplication) He was even homeless for about a year and half, but that was 15 someodd years ago. Right now he works on campus as a computer tech and works as a live-in caregiver for a disabled woman. This wouldn't be so bad, if the woman weren't NUTS! And thourghly convinced that they are boyfriend/girlfriend. (they have never dated, never had sex and sleep in different rooms!) Well several months ago (when we started dating) she got all uppity and has been threatening to fire him. (two weeks ago we went to her mother's funeral, to show support and her family thought it was rude to bring his "mistress", needless to say I was PISSED!!!) so now we're looking for a new job for him and a new place to live.
I teach highschool social studies (gov't & econ) part time at a private school, so it gives me lots of time to work on my master's degree. However, since I'm only working part time, I'm not making very much money either (and I'm about 30K in the hole with student loans). This forces me to live with my grandmother (who is convinced that Shane is after her money, that's a WHOLE other story!!!). So grandmother doesn't know that I'm seeing anyone right now, much less someone who's only 4 years younger than my own parents!
We want to get married, but can't afford to!
We do know that we are moving South as soon as we graduate (may, 2007!). The family that supports my personal decisions (and aren't paranoid) live in Tennessee, and the cost of living is less and teacher salaries are comperable.

(two weeks ago we went to her mother's funeral, to show support and her family thought it was rude to bring his "mistress", needless to say I was PISSED!!!)

LOL I bet! I would be too. :D

chikygrl...wow! Thats some situation yall have! I know what you mean about not being able to afford to get married...we're there too...but thats ok with me for right now. (doesn't mean I don't have my ring all picked out though...lol)

Things will get better...I can feel it. The trick is just to remain strong. *smile* ((((HUGS)))) for the both of us. :D

Nadine.