Am I being hypocritical???

So my widowed 77-yr-old father-in-law has a big crush on my 47-yr-old friend. They met last June at our wedding when he was the Best Man and she was the Maid of Honor and apparently he's been carrying the torch for her ever since. :eek:

It's not so much the age gap that bothers me but rather the circumstances and potential awkwardness. It also makes me feel self-conscious about my own age gap with Hubby--I can just imagine one of my sisters-in-law rolling her eyes and blaming us for being a "bad influence" on the old man.

The problem is that my friend has always been a bit oblivious to social norms regarding appropriate displays of affection. I used to be weirded out by all her birthday cards ("Happy Birthday, Emzak. I love you!") which I felt were over the top. She's a total flirt but doesn't know it! It's hard to explain but I've seen the way she is with men where she sends out a gazillion signals, yet in her mind, she's just being "friendly". She has NO IDEA what effect her words and body language have on guys. Anyway, she is totally leading Dad on (unknowingly), but he doesn't care. His attitude is "I've got nuthin' to lose so I'm going all the way!"

So apparently they have a "date" in a few weeks. Well, HE thinks it's a date and SHE thinks they're just getting together as "friends". I'm worried that he'll try to kiss her or something and she'll freak out. I don't want her to feel awkward around me or Hubby. Also, and I know this is selfish, I just don't want any hard feelings between her and Dad or I'll be reminded of it every time I look at my wedding album!

I should add that my friend is not into older men at all but instead prefers younger men. In fact, for the past year she's been lusting after her 32-yr-old Arab personal trainer who I suspect is using her for $$$. :rolleyes:

have you told both of them whats really going on? in point blank, real simple terms? that she's not hitting, and dad's got the hots?
if so, let them handle it

I'm sure that your friend will be able to avert whatever awkward situation may come of this. At 47, she is probably able to tell when someone is interested in more than friendship--long before any physical passes are made. She seems like a loving person--one who will gently resolve this situation before it gets out of hand.

Not to make light of this dilemma, but it all sounds rather endearing and cute--the sort of thing everyone will have a good chuckle over some day :D

No,you are not being hypocrital.They are just two people you care for and dont want them to get hurt,or that their misunderstandings effect their relationship with you.

Being "worried" about them sounds pretty fair to me.I would talk to them and try to explain them how you think things are,and how you would never want their actions effect you in the future.They are both grown ups and make their own decisions,they should be as well mature enough as to know whatever happens between them has nothing to do with you.

To avoid annoying "you could have told me about it before" i would just talk to them,probably they would keep up the date,but change their attitude to a more "just friendly" one :)

ouchies tough place.

two options.

1. tell dad and your BF that he's got a crush and she's a good time girl and does not feel that way. the problem is that you run the risk of pissing one or both of them off


or

2. say nothing at 47 and 77 they are grown ups. let them figure it out for themselves.

Not to make light of this dilemma, but it all sounds rather endearing and cute--the sort of thing everyone will have a good chuckle over some day :D

Oh, I'm laughing all right. Except I'd be laughing harder if this was happening to someone else! :D

And yeah, I've talked to him and he knows she's not interested in him "that way". It doesn't help because he claims he doesn't want a "girlfriend" and he wants to be "just friends" with her, yet he sure isn't acting like it! I think he just wants the female companionship and I don't know what the heck she wants. She claims she wants to be in a relationship yet she comes up with a gazillion excuses not to date people (too fat, too busy, too hot, too cold, etc.). Either that or she'll fall for completely inappropriate people, like the personal trainer. :rolleyes:

I think I'm gonna stay out of it and just hold my breath. Also, if I say something to her and she cancels the "date", Dad will kill me! :eek:

You know... she prolly makes him FEEL good and he might honestly not have any aspirations to actually dating her ~ but just going out as friends and being FLIRTED with. Let him have his fun. ;) It doesn't really sound to me like he's intending to get her into bed or anything... LOL... but maybe he just needs an ego boost, some attention paid to him and the feeling of walking on air being seen with some hot young thing in public. ;)

:D
~phosthinkingpositively

ouchies tough place.

two options.

1. tell dad and your BF that he's got a crush and she's a good time girl and does not feel that way. the problem is that you run the risk of pissing one or both of them off


or

2. say nothing at 47 and 77 they are grown ups. let them figure it out for themselves.

Well, I think Momma Nessa is right with the second one, they are both adults and they'll know what to do. It's nice you are concerned about that, because in some way it would affect you, but If neither of them wants a relationship it's ok to go out as a friends.

If your concern were just the age gap, it might be hypocritical, but I don't see that as being your major concern. You are concerned about the feelings of someone you care about.

How close are you to this woman?

How close are you to this woman?

Close enough for her to be my Maid of Honor! :eek:

Oh well. I'm just gonna stay out of it, methinks...

They're both adults. Footloose, fancy free. Been around the block.

:D

Close enough for her to be my Maid of Honor! :eek:

:eek: yeah, that makes it a wee bit more complicated.

Oh well. I'm just gonna stay out of it, methinks...
methinks this is wise

:)