Question for those who are/have been pregnant

Please map out the whole nine-month saga for me in terms of easiest to hardest. What has your experience been?

For example, I hear that morning sickness is worst during the first three months. But for those women who are prone to complications (e.g. cervix opening up), the last three months have to be spent on bed rest.

I am trying to plan my class schedule for next semester when, if I am lucky, it will be during my first trimester, vs. my class schedule for this fall when I will be in my third trimester. I have the option of taking more classes next semester so that I can have a lighter schedule in the fall, or vice versa.

What should I do?

EM every pregnancy is different for each woman. The first three months you are tired and queasyand have to pee constantly. the last three months you are big and bulky and hurt and have to pee constantly

the middle three are good... LOL

Ok...but if you had the choice of taking a heavy class load during the first three months vs. the last three months, which one would you pick?

Granted, they are both crappy options, but I want to pick the lesser of two evils here.

oy vey EM... you are nuts girl....


i suggest it does not matter when in the pregnancy but rather when during the day...

if you have to do it in the first trimester go for midday and early afternoon

if you ahve to do it in the third trimester go for early in the day.

With my daughter I was sick almost all 9 months, I had low amnionic fluid from 6 months on and had to drinka gallon of water a day and have a ton of ultrasounds.

This pregnancy the nausea seems to be getting better now but the first 3 months I was so exhausted by 3 o'clock every day I could barely see. (It may just be because I am 38 and was only 26 during the first one).

This pregnancy is definately very different than the other, the doctor just keeps saying "All pregnancies are different".

You may be one of the lucky ones that never feels sick :) or tired ;) (I hope you are)

i suggest it does not matter when in the pregnancy but rather when during the day...

if you have to do it in the first trimester go for midday and early afternoon

if you ahve to do it in the third trimester go for early in the day.

One of my classmates (who just had her baby last Tues) said the same thing.

That's gonna be a hard one to plan Em. What if you plan to take the heavy load during the first trimester but then get hit with a really bad case of morning sickness that lasts all day? I don't think there is a way to plan it because, like the others said, every pregnancy is different.

Yikes! That sucks! :(

Hmmm, good point about the time of day. I never even thought about that.

Ok I just talked to Zakem and he suggested taking a heavier load next semester because:

1) I may not get pregnant in the first few months anyway;

2) If I do get pregnant next semester and it becomes unbearable, I can always drop some classes.

I'm just hoping that I'll be able to graduate on time if I get pregnant. :)

With my son I was sick all 9 months and ended up in the hospital a month before he was born....with my daughter I felt fine pregnancy-wise but my allergies got really bad and I couldn't breath for months. The doctor finally let me take something towards the end of the pregnancy.

Nessa is right. They're all different and there's really no way to predict what will happen or how you'll feel. I agree with the idea of what time of day you schedule the classes.

Like everyone else said, each pregnancy is different, but knowing what I know for myself, I'd go with the heavier load earlier in my pregnancy. I never had morning sickness with either of my girls, but the end was misery for me.....especially my second. Maybe because she came so soon after my first and the fact that she was 10 lbs 8.8 oz and 23 inches long. That alone is hard on a girl.

Now my cousin? She has ALWAYS had hellacious morning sickness, but couldn't be happier in the later months.

*shrugs* Girl, this is a hard decision for sure.


Shan

Em, this is an interesting discussion because your decision is exactly the same one that we must make next year. It will be interesting to hear what you and Zakem decide. I'm wondering (silly male question maybe) but could there be any connection between the severity or longevity of morning sickness to the intensity of menstrual periods? My wife has little problem with the usual menstrual issues and I'm wondering if this indicates that she may have little problems with these pregnancy issues.

Em, this is an interesting discussion because your decision is exactly the same one that we must make next year. It will be interesting to hear what you and Zakem decide. I'm wondering (silly male question maybe) but could there be any connection between the severity or longevity of morning sickness to the intensity of menstrual periods? My wife has little problem with the usual menstrual issues and I'm wondering if this indicates that she may have little problems with these pregnancy issues.

As far as I'm concerned the answer to that is "no".....I always had "normal" cycles.....usually 4-5 days....no severe cramping.....normal flow.....

My first pregnancy was horrible.....I was sick for 9 months. I couldn't eat or drink much of anything. Even ginger ale made me sick. I gained about 12 pounds and 6 lbs. 10 ounces was what my son weighed.

My second pregnancy was fine (well, except for the allergies....sneezing, stuffy head, etc.) I was able to eat anything and everything....very little morning sickness.... I watched what I ate but I still gained 45 pounds (it didn't help that I went 3 weeks over my due date). My daughter weighed 7 pounds 2 ounces. I was scheduled to be induced and then went into labor the day before. I ended up having an emergency C-section. With both my children my labor did not progress as it should have.

I don't think menstrual cycles (severe or not) have anything to do with the way a pregnancy will progress.....

Oh, and after both pregnancies and their own separate problems, I went right back to completely normal periods.....every 28 days.....no awful pain.....normal flow.....

I don't think there is any way to predict what type of pregnancy a woman will have.....even based on genetics (her mother's or grandmother's). All of our bodies are different.....and each pregnancy is different.....although I do think that women who have easy deliveries will usually have easy ones for each child.....unless something abnormal happens...for example if the baby is breach. The ease or difficulty of delivery can be a physiological thing.....

i'm with trish... nope... no way to determine how a pregancy will go.

isn't nature wonderful?

Yep, no way to determine it. The only things which remain constant are that once you've had more than one, you realize they DO have souls and personalities in utereo and you DO get to know them while they are in there... my daughter never stopped moving for a moment inside once I start to feel her and she has never stopped moving outside, either. :eek: Always in motion. My son was more chill and relaxed the entire pregnancy and in NO hurry to be born, either. :eek: Both pregnancies, in my eyes, were really pretty easy. No morning sickness. Just tender boobs. I did have bedrest with my son, but that wasn't that hard either. I really LIKED being pregnant and want to do it again.

My sister had HORRIBLE pregnancies, but even now just having her 2nd at 40 years old, she wants more despite how horrible they were. Sickness, puking, physical pain, a premie on her first, losing one of the twins on her second... yet she wants to do it again. :eek: Yeah. I can totally understand. The first look into your babies eyes negates every moment of pain or frustration during those brief 9 months. The world stands still when you look into the eyes of YOUR baby for the first time. Stands absolutely still for a few moments.

~phos

Em, this is an interesting discussion because your decision is exactly the same one that we must make next year.

Phew, I am so glad that I am not alone with this!!!!

Have you guys started talking about this yet? Where are your heads at so far?

Phew, I am so glad that I am not alone with this!!!!

Have you guys started talking about this yet? Where are your heads at so far?
We've been discussing it for some time; even while we were engaged. We have decided on the right time of year such as to have the delivery occur after graduation when she will be living with me but not be so far along that the pregnancy interferes with finals. However, we have not addressed the issues you brought up which make this discussion interesting. My wife doesn't have a lot of flexibility with classload -- it's fairly constant and heavy in engineering at 18 some odd credits per semester. Deciding to lighten the load at critical junctures of the pregnancy is not an option.

ya'll make me laugh with your PLANNING....

Well, I'd prefer to be together with my wife when she gives birth than 500 km away. I think she might like the support.;) Best way to do that is PLAN.

Well, I'd prefer to be together with my wife when she gives birth than 500 km away. I think she might like the support.;) Best way to do that is PLAN.


you can plan only when you stop using birth control.... that's the best you can plan

you can't plan what kind of pregnancy you will have or even when you will get pregnant.

you can plan only when you stop using birth control.... that's the best you can plan
LDR, the most reliable birth control method possible. :)

you can't plan what kind of pregnancy you will have or even when you will get pregnant.
True, nature doesn't always cooperate and can throw you a curve ball when you least expect it. But one can stack the odds and increase the chances of getting pregnant by planning. You prepare by doing the things that will supposedly increase your chances, try and see what happens. Sometimes you hit the mark, often you fail and have to try again. In our (and presumably Em's) case, getting pregnant early will affect current lifestyle. My aim is to be in a position to make a lifestyle change at a time of my choosing rather than leaving things up to chance.

ya'll make me laugh with your PLANNING....
Well, laugh away! I'm still gonna keep planning. :)

Seriously though, like Prompe said, I know that even the best plans can be cast aside according to the whims of nature and fate, but I'd rather try to prepare as much as possible than to leave it completely to chance.

I mean, assuming all goes well physically, it is likely that I will get pregnant some time next year, so why not prepare for that likelihood by arranging my courseload to make things a little easier for when the time comes?

And if it turns out that I don't get pregnant next year, well then, I haven't really lost anything by taking certain courses earlier as opposed to later. Either way, it's a win-win. :D

I've said this before but it's kind of appropriate to the discussion....

I gave birth to both my children on the same date.....
Son.... October 10, 1972 11:26PM
Daughter.... October 10, 1986 11:59AM

Neither one of them was planned.....they also have different fathers.....
Planning is fine and very practical if it all works out.....but what's that quote from Shakespeare?.......The best laid plans of mice and men oft go astray..... Nature is a wonderful, mysterious thing.....

Now, having said that, if I was starting all over again I'd probably try doing the planning.....

Em, I get the planning. But why do both?
I understand the wanting to get pregnant, and I understand the wanting to finish school. But why the rush? Why not get as much as you can done this semester, then get pregnant the next semester?

I'm looking ahead, trying to plan myself. I'd like to get pregnant some time around August or September of 2010. That will be right after my 33 birthday, and I would deliver at the begining of the summer or 2011. I should be All But Dissertation (ABD) at that point and done with my coursework for my PhD. Leaving me with several years to write my dissertation, which will leave me at home for the first few years.

Granted I'm not involved with anyone at the moment, and no real prospects on the horizon. But I am thinking artificial insemination, or other options. It's not easy to do it alone and I'd rather not, but I'm also running out of time and would like to have kids before I turn 40.

Em, I get the planning. But why do both?
I understand the wanting to get pregnant, and I understand the wanting to finish school. But why the rush? Why not get as much as you can done this semester, then get pregnant the next semester?

Because if I don't get pregnant until next semester (i.e. Fall 2007), then the baby will come sometime during Summer 2008, right when I'm taking the bar exam and right before I start work at the big evil law firm.

Thus, I'd like the baby to come sooner if at all possible. :)

P.S. Your elaborate master plan puts mine to shame! :p

Em, I totally get the planning. We're trying to work on some sort of plan as well. At least for my schoolwork its a bit easier to make the decision, I have 2 labs left that should both be done this year so it makes no sense to get pregnant this year. Next year I'll only have one, possibly two classes a quarter so it would be a good time to be pregnant.

Now we've just working on a plan to get everything in order for hubby to get his reversal done at a decent time. He really doesn't want to be waiting for our first baby and his first social security check at the same time, so we want to get the baby making underway.

We are too, Missy...apparently seeing his grandchild (eeek!) makes him want to have a baby now. Weird, but yeah. I'm not sure when we're going to get the surgery done, but we've been in contact with a place and we're talking about it! I'm kind of hoping that an engagement will take place first! *crosses fingers*

lj, I'm beginning to think guys are just weird when it comes to seeing their grandkids. Everytime hubby's granddaughter is over here he talks more about having a baby of our own. I don't get it, but oh well. Thats exciting that you're talking about it, I know I was thrilled when hubby finally started seriously considering it.

Missy and LJ, keep me posted about the reversal! That is really exciting news. By the way, you will be happy to know that hubby just got his most recent test results and his count is completely back to normal. It's as if he never had the vasectomy at all. :eek:

OH wow! That makes me totally excited, Emzak...I can't wait until we really set down a date to get it done. :D I'm totally excited!!!

Because if I don't get pregnant until next semester (i.e. Fall 2007), then the baby will come sometime during Summer 2008, right when I'm taking the bar exam and right before I start work at the big evil law firm.


okay, just to play devils advocate, and I honestly mean no offense, it's just a pet peeve of mine (from years of working day care)
But, what happens to little Emzak or little Zakem when you DO go to work at the big evil law firm????

I understand the wanting kids (cause I do too!!) and I understand the wanting a career (again, cause I do too!!!) BUT how do you do both at the same time???

Missy and LJ, keep me posted about the reversal! That is really exciting news. By the way, you will be happy to know that hubby just got his most recent test results and his count is completely back to normal. It's as if he never had the vasectomy at all. :eek:

Mazel on the numbers!!!
It was funny, when my Dad and stepmom got married she wanted him to reverse his vasectomy!! It's wierd to think that that kid would be 15 now!!!
I can't imagine having a teenage sibling!!! And my parents lives would be VERY different!!! (no nomadic life in thier RV!!)

I understand the wanting kids (cause I do too!!) and I understand the wanting a career (again, cause I do too!!!) BUT how do you do both at the same time???
Wait a sec...Em IS married. Isn't that why there are two parents usually??:rolleyes: She's not on her own in this situation. Zakem is more than a sperm donor. :)

I think planning is ok, for whatever the reason is. I think for us the right time would be sometime between july 2008 and september 2011, that is when he will be done with ex-wife's money but while he is still active duty so we can benefit from health care coverage. We also want to have at least a year for just ourselves to enjoy being together, and settling in as a family of two before we become a family of three :p

It will mostly depend on my situation tho, what i am doing, what i want to do and how i am adjusting to my new life there but...we are more than open to have a baby sooner. Though i think it will be about end 2008 anyway :)

I hope you all guys make it happen soon, cant wait to see all the mtag baby pics next year :D :D

Wait a sec...Em IS married. Isn't that why there are two parents usually??:rolleyes: She's not on her own in this situation. Zakem is more than a sperm donor. :)

I didn't mean to imply that Zakem wasn't involved. But is he working? or is he going to be a stay-at-home-Dad??
I have issues, from my own experiance both in day care and working day care. And while I totally believe that women should work outside the home IF they want to, and if they HAVE to. BUT if you can afford it, and if two parents are involved, than ONE parent SHOULD be home, at least for the first couple of years. (working is okay once the kid is in Pre-school, around age 3).

And of course, I'm the opposite of Chiky here and think its more important to be home with kids when they are more likely to be under the influence of their PEERS, during their vital development stages. ;) LOL. Preschools suck, yes, but there are alternatives for working parents. Au Paires. Nannies. That kind of thing. And if she's working for the big evil law firm with long hours, she should be looking into a live in au paire about... now. ;)

By the time the kid is 8 or 9 she'll be burnt to hell on her job and want to be home with her kid anyway. LOL!

~phos

OH wow! That makes me totally excited, Emzak...I can't wait until we really set down a date to get it done. :D I'm totally excited!!!
Make sure you get a top surgeon who specializes in reversals (yes, there are doctors who do nothing but reverse vasectomies). That's the key! Do not go to your local urologist, even if he performed the original vasectomy.

okay, just to play devils advocate, and I honestly mean no offense, it's just a pet peeve of mine (from years of working day care)
But, what happens to little Emzak or little Zakem when you DO go to work at the big evil law firm????

I understand the wanting kids (cause I do too!!) and I understand the wanting a career (again, cause I do too!!!) BUT how do you do both at the same time???
I haven't quite figured that out yet. Zakem is willing to be a stay-at-home dad, but our finances may not permit it.

He and I have a fundamentally different approach when it comes to problem solving--I like to think about all the options in advance, whereas he wants to wait until after I get pregnant, i.e. when this actually becomes a reality.

I am envisioning a system where Zakem will scale back on his job hours to take care of the baby while I am at the big evil law firm, and we will supplement that with part-time daycare.

Every pregnancy is different.

I got pregnant with my oldest while still in college. I walked across the stage at graduation 8 months pregnant. I had a fairly easy pregnancy until the last few weeks when I developed PIH that turned into HELLP syndrome.

My second pregnancy was totally uneventful. No morning sickness, no real serious discomfort, I had low blood platelets towards the end, but it didn't seem to affect anything, labor and delivery were a breeze - au natural and he was 8 lbs 15 oz.

I had 4 losses betweeen the boys and the girls.

The girls were a twin pregnancy. The whole things was hard. I had a history of losses, so the first trimester was scary - lots of testing, etc. Then I had preterm labor in the second trimester, so I got put on bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy (13 weeks!) My platelets dropped down to a scary, dangerous level and I had to have a csection because of how the babies were positioned, so I had to have blood treatments. I also developed HELLP syndrome again and had to have an emergency csection. It got very dramatic towards the end. I carried them to full term, so I was bigger than you can possibly imagine. I also couldn't breathe hardly that last week because one of the babies was laying on my lungs. The other was constantly kicking me in the bladder. I call them "lungsmasher" and "bladderpeddler" now.

This new baby has been overall the worst as far as symptoms. I had bad morning sickness for the first 15 weeks. The second trimester was fine. The third triemster has been miserable - aches, pains, sciatica, and emotional rollecoasters. Plus he's a big baby, since the twins made plenty of room in there. I am having a repeat csection...

And of course, I'm the opposite of Chiky here and think its more important to be home with kids when they are more likely to be under the influence of their PEERS, during their vital development stages. ;) LOL. Preschools suck, yes, but there are alternatives for working parents. Au Paires. Nannies. That kind of thing. And if she's working for the big evil law firm with long hours, she should be looking into a live in au paire about... now. ;)

By the time the kid is 8 or 9 she'll be burnt to hell on her job and want to be home with her kid anyway. LOL!

~phos

Phos,
I don't mean that all mothers should work. It really depends on the kids and the parents, and absolutly at least ONE parent (prefereably both) need to be involved with the children. And Peers are evil. However, studies have shown that children who attend preschool (NOT A DAY CARE!!! AN ACTUAL ACADEMIC PRESCHOOL!!) are more likely to complete high school and attend college. They also tend to preform better in school.
Unlike a school I used to work for, I am a firm believer that children should have the fundamentals of language by age four. This means they know the alphabet and have SOME reading skills (I was reading the newspaper at 2!)
Sure some of this can be taught by parents, however there are social skills that can't be learned at home, particularly if the child is an only child. After about 2 years old it is good for children to be with kids of a similar age. They need the interaction!
Now they shouldn't be there full day, but half day schools are good.

And what is the point of having a child if you stick them in day care from sun-up to sun-down and with a nanny the rest of the time.
Here Nannies are not so good, while it is good for a child to be biligual, I have issues when kids grow up speaking the nanny's language and NOT thier parents. Sure, this is an extream example, but I've seen it happen!!

And what is the point of having a child if you stick them in day care from sun-up to sun-down and with a nanny the rest of the time.
Here Nannies are not so good, while it is good for a child to be biligual, I have issues when kids grow up speaking the nanny's language and NOT thier parents. Sure, this is an extream example, but I've seen it happen!!

What did you plan on doing with your child if you were artificially inseminated and raised him/her as a single mother?

What do you propose a woman does when she has a 2 year old and her husband is killed in an auto accident and she has to work full time to support them?

I think it's great you have ideals for yourself, but not all people are well off and even if they have to work they can still provide loving and stable homes to children.

I mean, is it better to have a child at home with a crack addict mother or is it better for the child to be in daycare while her loving parent is off at work trying to make a better life for them?

What did you plan on doing with your child if you were artificially inseminated and raised him/her as a single mother?

What do you propose a woman does when she has a 2 year old and her husband is killed in an auto accident and she has to work full time to support them?

I think it's great you have ideals for yourself, but not all people are well off and even if they have to work they can still provide loving and stable homes to children.

I mean, is it better to have a child at home with a crack addict mother or is it better for the child to be in daycare while her loving parent is off at work trying to make a better life for them?

of course there are circumstances that are different for everyone. My mother was the single mother of 5 kids, My father was a deadbeat, ran off when I was 7 (and the youngest was 3) My mom worked several jobs just to put food on the table. For those parents I understand that day care is not an opption. I also know that they try to spend every available minute with their children. My issue is with people who don't need to work (sometimes don't work) and leave thier kids in day care or with nannies because they can't be bothered. These were the people I saw when I taught Kindergarten (okay so it was a private school...)

as for me, If I am a single mother, I will have finished my coursework and will be at home writting my dissertation. And I'll probably be in Tennessee by that point (or Mississippi) where my family is. And I know they will help.

Thanks for clearing that up. Any topic having to do with children tends to upset me. Especially right now.

I think what Chiky means is that all things being equal, ME staying at home full-time for the first few years will be better for my baby than ME not staying home and leaving the baby with a nanny. And who could argue with that? I certainly can't.

Of course, me taking a few years off from my career would mean signifcant financial sacrifices, and I don't know if that will make things better or worse for my baby in the long run. I guess this is where the balancing test gets tricky. :eek:

It is a balanace.
it's a very TIGHT rope parents walk.
I just can't justify spending the money on a nanny, when Mom could be at home.

I think there is no right or wrong, it all depends on the needs of the family as a whole and not of just the baby.

I dont think it can be said that it is the best thing for all families have one of the parents stay at home. If one parent decides to stay at home for whatever the reason is then kudos to them, when both parents decide to keep on working wether it is for personal or economical reasons, it doesnt automatically mean the kids will be unattended or will feel the lack of the parents´ presence in the key years of their development.

When i was 1yo we had to move to another town cause i always got sick where we lived due to the humid weather. My mother had to stop working for 5 years, she was choking at home, unhappy, and depressed. I had her at home all those years but at what cost?It was not good for her and i doubt it was the best thing for us (my sister and i) either.

After that period she went back to work, we had to move again, and yet again she decided to accept a lower salary that implied less responsibilities and more time with us, while my father got promoted.

I was 21 when she finally got promoted, but it could have never happened, she chose time with her kids over carreer promotion, but she never had to choose between kids or carreer.

Having time for your kids is a matter of will many times, I am not trying to start the argument of quality vs quantity but there has to obviously be a balance.

I do think the indivual happiness of all family members counts towards the happiness of the family as a whole. A life of dedication to your kids will not make you a better mother or father, and I can tell your kids can percieve unhappiness from a very early age, because i did.

Planification can be a good way to conciliate laboral and familiar life, not forcing couples to give up their carreers and the main source of income, allowing parents and kids to be present in each others lives, and to take care of their parental duties and leisure moments.

I went a bit off topic sorry :p

Great post, Nasmah. I agree, the best thing for kids is to be part of a loving happy family, and if that includes the parents both working, so be it. Kids will survive, and having two loving parents that ENJOY their time with their kids rather than resent them (even subconsciously) is obviously better.

As for the original question, Em, I'd try to get through as much of your coursework earlier rather than later. Even if you do have morning sickness, I can't see it getting any easier later on into the pregnancy. Most people I know tend to get increasingly uncomfortable into the later months and I would think that your mindset will be more directed toward the baby than toward school, at that point as well.

Oh if I was home 24/7 with kids for 18 years, like my grandmothers were I'd just shoot myself in the head!!
once the kids are in school I'm going to work!!!

Skibunny, you make a very good point. A baby definitely should be top priority, and lately I've been feeling guilty because a part of me--the practical, overly logical part--do see childbearing as a "nuisance" in the schedule. This is where I envy MEN!!!

That said, I also don't want to be one of those parents who focus on their kids so much that they are essentially living vicariously through their kids. Being the Type-A personality that I am, I know that I run a high risk of forcing my own dreams and ambitions onto my child. :eek: :(

My mother worked. Not only because she had to, but because she wanted to. My mom stayed at home for about 3 years and drove us all crazy. Some people just cannot be at home everyday day in and day out. When I was little she HAD to work. If she didn't we wouldn't have been able to eat. She placed my bro and I with an awesome babysitter. We didn't have to go to daycare. Did I wish my mom had stayed home back then? Sometimes. However, two of my best friends had moms that stayed home. They had no life outside of their children and drove my friends batshit crazy. They were TOO involved in their lives. It's one thing to be a member of the PTA and know what's going on with your kids, but it's another ball of wax to have no life outside of your children. Both friends rebelled hard core. When those friends flew the nest both moms had no idea what to do with themselves.

I agree with Skibunny in the aspect that if you don't HAVE to work you should try staying home with your kid. Don't just go to work so you can have a lot of stuff. However, I think I will work whether I have to or not. Maybe not full time, but I will work. I do believe a SAHM works harder than most, but I really have no desire to be a SAHM. Some might say, "Well, you shouldn't have a child." Who says? Personally, I'm glad my mom worked. She was a great role model for me in that aspect. She was driven, but she maintained a balance. She was there 90% of the time for school functions, games, etc. She'd bake for bake sales. She MADE the time. I think she was exhausted a lot, but she felt productive and that made for a happy mom. In turn it made for a happier family.

I don't want to be the person that has no idea what to do with herself when her kids leave the nest. What if my SO died or left me? I would need up to date job skills and my own money. Honestly, that's what concerns me the most. We don't have a crystal ball. I want to be prepared in that aspect.

My best friend's son is four. She's been a SAHM to her son and three step kids for 6 years. She's done. Over it. She can't wait to go back to work. Her own mom stayed home and had nothing when the kids left. No hobbies (her fault), no job skills, etc.

Everyone is different though! Some moms open their own businesses, etc. when their kids fly the nest.

I guess I'm just saying that being a working mom isn't terrible. If you're never home and can't find that balance then, yes, it's highly detrimental. If you can find that balance and make it work for YOU... awesome.

:)

Skibunny, you make a very good point. A baby definitely should be top priority, and lately I've been feeling guilty because a part of me--the practical, overly logical part--do see childbearing as a "nuisance" in the schedule. This is where I envy MEN!!!

That said, I also don't want to be one of those parents who focus on their kids so much that they are essentially living vicariously through their kids. Being the Type-A personality that I am, I know that I run a high risk of forcing my own dreams and ambitions onto my child. :eek: :(

If you pursue your own dreams and ambitions then that won't happen. It's the people who don't that sometimes live vicariously through their children. A mother who's maintained her independence and autonomy, as well as balancing being a parent, is much healthier for mother and child. Some stay-at-home moms can do that and some can't. Some working mothers can do it and some can't. It's a delicate balancing act.

The fact that you are so sensitive to your own needs as well as the needs of your future children, is a good indication that you will balance things well. And even, at times, when the scales tip, you'll do what needs to be done in the best interests of mother, father, and children. Plus, you've got a wonderful husband who will be right beside you working on what's best for everybody.....

My mom was a SAHM and everyone thought she was the "Cool" Mom, cuz she was. She didn't just stay home and go batshit crazy, either. She would take us out painting at the park, she's have us sit for her while she drew or painted or sculpted likenesses of us, we'd go for long drives and sing our lungs out.

My mother instilled a love of art in all of us. My sister got a degree in painting, then went on to become a very successful computer animator - living my mothers childhood dreams. :eek: I got a degree in sculpture and my brother is a carpenter and did set design in hollyweird for years. Yet, we also all have a deep love of family and closeness and prioritizing what is most important. :D

I LOVED that my mother stayed home until I was well into HS and then went to work part-time and later full-time for my father (thus saving their marriage at a truly crucial point in it!!!)

Did she struggle with it? Of course. I think every choice a person makes in life, whether its to stay home or work, is a struggle. Nothing in life is EASY. Sacrifices are made on either side of the coin. But, if I could choose, I would choose to be home. It's not a choice for me at this point, but I would definitely choose it if it was.

I am very thankful that my mother can be home with my kids and be there for them and have influence over them like she did with us. I know how valuable her influence truly IS, too. And I hope that I can have my life together enough that when my kids have kids, I can do for them what my mother has done for me. :)

~phos

Good luck! My experience is that you never know how it will go from one child to the other. Don't plan just enjoy the ride. Happy Baby making!

Good luck! My experience is that you never know how it will go from one child to the other. Don't plan just enjoy the ride. Happy Baby making!

She's pregnant!:D