My bfs kids

We have 2 kids 2-gether 2 and 9 months. (boy&girl)
My bf has 2 bkids and 2 step daughters.
He never been married but he raised them when they was babies.
They are 22-21 and his kids is 18-16. (girl&boy)

He has a long back ground with his kids. He dosent know his kids that very well because he was in the army for 8 yrs. 2 or 3 yrs after that they split. Guess what she done after she split? She gave up the 4 kids for a baby rapper. So, My bf tried to get them back but he couldnt because of the other 2 kids father's wouldnt let him. They forced him to signed his rights to his 2 kids. Plus he couldnt split the family up because they was all one house. My bf put the kids at the mothers dads house. Now, They all grown and have thier own lifes. But Eric is still in a foster care and no one dont know where hes at.
Its a sad story.

I have mat Samantha and Eric when we started going out 3 an half yrs ago. Thats the last time we saw Eric. I mat Samantha once and 3 yrs after that she got out of the kidding jail. She started coming around.

Anyways, When Sam started coming around she thinks she could run our home as a drug house. I keep on telling my bf to tell her not to do that shit because I have kids to think about. One day her friends came in and started selling drugs. So, I got mad and told Dave Sam is still your daughter you need to stand up to her. He didnt. So, I left. I came back he told me Sam said to tell me to come infrout to her. So, The next day I did and she didnt say nothing. But after that she quit coming around with drugs. She do this all the time at her moms and she thinks she could do it at her dads. Her mom dosent have kids but her dad dose. We are not living her wild life.

As for step mom. The only one that call me step mom is his oldest step daughter. One day she called me mom out in public. I told not to call me that because we are so close in age. I will never be her mom. She already know who her mother is. Now, She dont have nothing to do with us nomore because of her bf.







How you deal with your sos kids when they think they could run the house?

:eek: :eek: :eek:

Wow, your situation sounds so complicated. That must be frustrating sometimes.

How you deal with your sos kids when they think they could run the house?

Luckily, my stepkids are still very young (15 and 12), so we don't have that problem just yet. ;)

Well, to be honest, I feel for you, but don't really have any concrete advice. When I married my daughter's father, he had a son 3,000 miles away and had helped raise his son's mother's 5 other kids. She got arrested (the mom) and all the kids ended up in foster care.

All I can really say about foster care is it is REALLY damaging to kids. In a major psychological and spiritual way. I met and spent considerable time with 3 of the 6 kids (it took us 6 months to get HIS son out of foster care and back home with us) and got to know the other 3 who we couldn't really help in any way.

It took almost 5 years for the kids to be reunited with their mother, but they have all been effected in very bad ways.

I think, if it were me in your shoes, I would not be inclined to tell my step-daughter NOT to call me Mom. Sure, you aren't her biological mom, but if she takes the step to feel comfortable enough with you to CALL you that? Geez, that's HUGE. Not something to reject, hon. By rejecting the name, you rejected the closeness that was there and she has pulled back.

It seems to me those kids have had a lifetime of rejection and disappointment. I would recommend apologizing to the step-daughter about the rejection of the Mom moniker and try to work towards forming a relationship where you CAN counsel and advise her on making the right decisions in her own life (like... ah... not selling drugs?)

Reach out. Try to be firm in your belief's, but supportive of them as individuals and accepting that they are a part of your life and family.

I think one of the hardest things in life is being a step-parent and loving those kids as IF they were yours (and not ever denying them that closeness). It's HARD. It hurts when they screw up and the easy out is to say "Well, they're not MY kids." Sure, they're not... but they ARE at the same time.

Good luck, hon. I know you'll need it.
~phos

Ye the system will mess up a kid head. They get move around too much and the kids think they could do anything. Sam ranaway like 3 or 5 times. Thats why she in up in the kidding jail. I didnt know she runaway when I mat her. She ranaway because her step grandma beat her. But they court didnt believe Sam. They believe the step grandpa. 6 months after she got put in the kidding jail Eric got moved because he got beat by the step grandma. His grandpa was in the old folks home at the time because she put him there. So, The grandpa couldnt do nothing to keep Eric there. Erics mother and his sister followed who ever had Eric. And the person that had Eric let them in her house to visit him. This person was going to appeted Eric but he dont want to be appeted and change his name. He is a special person. He has a 8 yr old mind. So, I dont think he could make his own mind up with his family around. His family put shit in his head. So, Over a year after he stayed with this person she just gave him up to another foster home.

His step daughter Amber called me her new friend and then step mom infrout of her friends and her mom. Which I think that was cool. Well, She called me mom some where that no one dont know us. But still I dont want to be make fun of.

The mom dont give a damn what her kids do. As long her and her bf get something free got of it. She do drugs and drinks too. But at the same time the kids are using her too.

Well, Sam is getting worse. She drinks and do drugs every single night. That is on her. She wont listen to no one shes going to do whatever she wants or make her happy. Well, She called this one time and said some one is coming over our house to look for her. Dave said dont bring your drama over here, because I wont deal with it. So, Dave moved the car on the other side of the street. It dosent matter the car is not here. They still going to knock but no one didnt come.
Just 2 nights ago She called like 2:00 in the morning and she asked she could use the car because some one broke thier arm. I said no because I dont trust her or her friends. All she have to do is call 911. Then At 10:00 in the morning she called again and asked she could use the car to go to Wal-mart. I still said no to that. I think thats kinda odd. Because Dave called her back and told her he could take her, but she said she dont need to go. So, I think she was lying when she called 2:00 in the morning.
I dont think its her but her friends is getting her worser.





Sorry so long.

The whole situation sounds terrible. As far as Sam goes, as hard as it is, you are doing the right thing making her stay away and not enabling her by allowing her to take the car and bring drugs into your home. All you can do is let her know you love her but not her behaviour and protect your young children from it.

As sad as it is to say, sounds like she has gotten herself into a bad spot and I would be afraid if she took the car, she'd sell it to pay off a drug dealer and claim it was stolen or something.

She thniks she could do anything. She dont like living under people rules. Theres rules every where you go. She wants everyone pay attation to her only. Dave said she just a teenager. Shes having fun. Dave was like that when he was young but he had the respect for people. Plus, Dave is that kind a guy that dont worry about nothing accept his owm problems. Hes way to nice. He let people walk all over him . When someone asked us for something he dose it but he dont realize when we asked them to do something for us they wont do it. Dave thinks Im trying to keep her away. Ye, When she tried to bring drugs in our house. I do want her get to know her brother and sister but it seems like she dont care about life. My kids still dont know her. She cant even remember whats thier b-days are. Alisa b-day is only 2 days ahead of hers. The drugs is already getting to her. She only comes around when she wants something. Like her friends. They called and asked Dave to drive them some where. Dave asked me because the car is underneath my name. He dont have no DL. Why its always up to me. Some times I let him go and some times not.

I did not read this until now, and i really dont want to sound rude, but you need to do something for your own kids' sake.

Come this point, there is not much you can do for his children but for yours, you can support him in whatever he does, but it is ultimately him who has to deal with his kids, and you certainly should not tolerate dealing with drugs at home, or any behavior of the kind.

As i said i dont want to be rude, but i would not let my kids live in suck a fucked up environment, i understand you love Dave very much, but your kids should go first.

It should be him taking care of his problems, not you, and you say he doesnt even care for anything besides his own problems. I guess the main problem is the kids come from a totally desestructured family, it is not their fault, but it is not your kids that have to pay for that.

Their situation and future does not sound very promising, and it may be hard, but there are times you cannot do anything for someone and have to start focusing on yourself and your own family.

I am sorry if you dont like what you read, but i am not trying to be mean, unsupportive or anything and this is just my opinion.

Thats all cool. Its not rude.

But what I meant by him taking care of his problems is his now family. (Us 4)
Like I said When Samantha started come around & her friends bring drugs for 2 weeks, I keep on telling Dave to stand up to his daughter. He wouldnt do it. So, One day I got mad & left. I mean She shouldnt treat her dad as she treats her mother. He didnt do shit to her.

Dave said he wont do nothing for Samantha because she only calls when she wants something. Now, He realize that. I really dont care what they do.

I have no problems with his 2 step kids.

His second step Holly is living aross the street from us. Sometimes we let our kids play 2-gether. Our oldest kids are a year & 10 days apart. Our youngest kids are 3 days apart. This is her first time living on her own and trying to get away from everybodys drama. Shes in her own little world.

As for Amber. She has one kid and one coming on its way. She travels with her bf. She dosent talk to us because her bf gets jealous when she talked to any one. Shes in it for the money. Amber & I used to talk alot and she watched Blake when he was a baby all the time.

Yes, I do want the best for my kids but Dave dont want to keep his kids away from our 2 kids. I dont want to be cruel but Samantha is a bad person to hang around with. But I think she will know what life is all about when she has kids. I really dont want my kids look up to thier sister and brother. I want them to depend on themselfs not on some body else. Im sure my kids will stick up for each other.





Anyways

His kids like drama & I think they all jealous.