No Rules of Thumb

I have read too many posts on this site by members (including Crackerjack) scolding themselves for still feeling a sense of loss over a relationship which has ended, believing they should be beyond those feelings, or for slipping up and contacting an ex when they believe they should have had more restraint. But I am coming to realize that there are no universal, reliable rules of thumb in the matter oof recovering from an ended relationship. I read one formula in a book yesterday that, whatever the length of a relationship, it takes half that time to get over a lost love. Baloney!!! In my case it's going to take twice as long at least, and that relationship was for only two months. Sometimes the progress of the process is more like two steps forward and one step back. It does not necessarily get easier with the passing of time. It can get harder! There are good days and bad, and bad days that sneak up on you when you think there should be no more bad days.

Heaven knows we are but flesh and blood human beings, not automatons, and each one different, and each relationship different, and the circumstances of the break-up different. And there is often a disconnect between the head and the heart. And the longings of the heart can be much stronger than reason and common sense. This isn't a vent. It's an appeal. Some members of this community are in real pain and the last thing they should be doing is being harsh and impatient with themselves (Crackerjack included).

:eek: Good post, Crackerjack. Everyone IS different. We all have different needs, mourn loss differently, react to stress differently. That's what makes the human species so interesting and beautiful.

You will heal when you heal and nothin' can change that. No need to kick yourself, that's for sure. ;)

~phos

I agree 100%.

Moon, Mouse, Romina--are you reading this???

http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/aktion/action-smiley-065.gif

read one formula in a book yesterday that, whatever the length of a relationship, it takes half that time to get over a lost love.

Oh lordy! I better not take that long!!!

CJ - you are right, we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves. (((hug)))

In fact some people never get over a love that was lost.

As Emily Dickinson said, if you believe time heals all wounds...then indeed you were never wounded in the first place...

...or something like that.

In fact some people never get over a love that was lost.


Oh great, now i'm really screwed.

SOME people....most I think do find hapiness again. :)

Some members of this community are in real pain and the last thing they should be doing is being harsh and impatient with themselves (Crackerjack included).

That's right, I agree. At least in my case I feel like my friends are pushing me to forget him, (and yes, I push myself too) so there's pressure and I really don't feel like I'm *forgetting* him.

In fact some people never get over a love that was lost.

As Emily Dickinson said, if you believe time heals all wounds...then indeed you were never wounded in the first place...

...or something like that.

Hmmm, are you trying to impress someone by any chance?

ROTFLMAO!!!!!! :D

Ok guys, if I don't log on tomorrow, it will be because Sierra has tossed my mutilated body into the Hudson River. :eek:

HA HA...Emzak. I would never ever toss your mutilated body in the Hudson river....I'd go with the East River because the undertow would hold you down long enough that you wouldn't float back up until spring when the water got warmer, than then you'd be so decomposed they'd write you down as a Holiday suicide and I'd be off scott free...

Ok...I know what you are thinking....wow, that's just plain ol' creepy, that Sierra would know how to dispose of a body AND she lives in Spumoni Gardens Brooklyn....but, you gotta read this book, called Work and Other Sins by Charlie LeDuff where he does a chapter on the NYPD East River Dead Body Unit....http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/... (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0143034944/qid=1141056153/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-5403745-1480139?s=books&v=glance&n=283155)

No but seriously...my finance Bill...who's a wonderful wonderful man in many respects....reads WAY too much Emily Dickinson. I think he's facinated by the fact that someone could know SO much, without ever leaving their house. And he secretly wishes he had the balls to be a recluse.

Well Sierra, being a plumber and having worked on lots of sewer repairs and replacements I can tell you that there are lots of ways to hide a body underground. As I used ot tell my daughters b/f's mess with her and they will never find your body.;)

[QUOTE=SierraNevada]
Ok...I know what you are thinking....wow, that's just plain ol' creepy, that Sierra would know how to dispose of a body AND she lives in Spumoni Gardens Brooklyn....
QUOTE]


So where is Jimmy Hoffa? huh?

I had lunch with Junior in Florida. Well, I was just tagging along and happened to be at the same table as him. I really didn't have anything to say to Hoffa's kid.

Rumor is...he's buried at the Meadowlands. Which really wouldn't shock me.

Problem with the ground is...I don't have access to any ground. I could wait until my super is on one of his benders and haul Emzak's body down there.

LOL! Sorry Em...I really don't mean to creep you out. All you have to say is...

~WOW~

You totally hijacked Crackerjack's thread! He's gonna be mad at you. :D

God, I know...I didn't mean to. I took broken hearts to dead bodies. I should get therapy!

I've been catching up on reading threads here and this is a good one....the part about recovering from a broken heart....not disposing of dead bodies...although if I could get my hands on the last guy who broke my heart I might need a way to dispose of the body.....:D

Seriously, regarding said dead body, I mean guy.....I may be one of those people who never really gets over it. My broken heart happened in December '04....Tuesday, the 28th to be exact....at 7:23PM MST....now when one can remember the exact day, date and time....that may be a clear indication that they are so NOT over it. If the formula is right, I should be good to go around June or July....but I have a different theory....I think you're over it when you realize you can fall in love again...when you meet someone who actually makes you think you might take a risk all over again. Then you realize you're either over it, hopelessly romantic, or crazy.....Maybe it's a little of all of them.

I agree. Not necessarily that you have someone else...but that you are willing to look for someone else, because thoughts of the first have stopped consuming you.

This may sound trite, but ever see that movie Swingers? Its got such a great ending.

Trish, that question itself would make for an interesting thread. You know you are over it/him/her when... For instance, I might add that you know you are over someone when you realize, if the two were put side-by-side and given the chance, you would choose the new someone over the old someone.

Ohhhh....that's an excellent way to know, CJ!

Well, I just had a major epiphany! I'm SOOO over it! :p ;)

I've never seen the movie "Swingers", SN....but I'm a sucker for a happy ending! :D

You'd like it! It culminates in a similar epiphany momement!