MTaG Official Joke Thread

Splinters

A woman from Los Angeles, who was a tree hugger and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.

In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"

He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area. I'm sorry, but they turned me down."

LOL I like that one Fos

A blonde reads a headline in a newspaper that says 12 BRAZILIAN CITIZENS KILLED.
She shakes her head, then turns to a man sitting next to her and says, "Excuse me, but how many is a brazilian, again?"

A man is driving down the street and needs a parking place. He looks up and says, "Lord, if you provide me with a spot, I'll swear off booze."
Just then an open space appears.
The man looks up and says, "Never mind- I found one."

A man is driving down the street and needs a parking place. He looks up and says, "Lord, if you provide me with a spot, I'll swear off booze."
Just then an open space appears.
The man looks up and says, "Never mind- I found one."

ROFLAO!!! I'll have to try this. ;)

Ok, this one is dirty. Don't say I didn't warn you if you don't like it...

A guy and a girl are messing around. She says "put a finger in me". So the guy does. A bit later the girls says "put your hand in there." The guy is a bit taken back, but he goes ahead and does it. A bit later the girl says "put your other hand in there". The guy is shocked, but thinks "what the hell?". After a bit the girls says "clap". They guy looks at her and says "uh, I can't". The girls says "Tight, huh?"

*Rim shot*