Age gap pros and cons

What do you like most about your age gap relationship?

What do you like least?

What is your biggest fear/anxiety about being with an older/younger partner?

What do I like most? It's just like any other relationship, only cuz we're the right match, its better. Age is irrelevant to the quality of our relating.

Least? Well, its kind of annoying when I get a wave of anxiety or insecurity over feelings so OLD... ( :eek: ) Or worrying that he'll leave me... but, we usually talk about it and I end up feeling a lot better lickity quick.

Fear? Losing him to some hot young thing or him getting bored with me and leaving me, y'know?

That is all.
~phos

I feel that even though I am 21 and my bf is 38, we are like on the same level. I don't feel on the same plane as guys who are 21.

I don't really feel anything bad I don't care what other people think.

argh... i'm 54, husband is 36

what i love about the relationship is the energy he brings to it, and i in turn bring experience

the fears... with phos, that some young thing is gonna turn his head. but that is just a past bad experience fear that gets talked through when the demon rears

Isn't it interesting how regardless of whether you're the older or younger partner, we still have the same fear of LOSING our sweetie. For the older partner, you fear losing him to a younger woman. And for the younger partner, we fear losing him to the Grim Reaper. Or at least that's MY biggest fear. :(

Yeah, Emzak (BTW...Hi!) I have the same fear as you :( . I worry about his health too much, even though I know he's healthy.

And he worries that I'll get bored or tired of him and find someone younger.

Also, b/c we work together sometimes, I worry about what other people that we work with think (yep..I know...my skin is too thin).

Hehe...I forgot to say what I like the most....hmmm: it's not necessarily age-gap related but he's had the time to make mistakes in other relationships and he says he's learned to be more romantic and open about feelings because of these. And it's true - he's the sweetest, most caring, romantic and giving guy I have ever been with!

There are 25 years between me and my sweetie. The hardest thing is my family. They are not very accepting of us. I've always been close to my family, so this is rather hard.
However, my BF and I get along so well despite the age gap. He have the same interests and we enjoy being in eachothers company. I think that as long as I am happy and as long as he is happy, that is all that matters.

Pros....Alec still has a banging body for an OM. (oh wait...i'm not sure that counts) *grin*

Let me try this again...

PROS

I've got a man with tons of experience who's already been trained. *grin*

I've got this wonderful man who I love tons!

CONS

My man can be a little stubborn and set in his ways.

I worry constantly about his health. All the time. I'm so terrified that I'll lose him earlier than I should.

I worry way too much about our relationship...so I would give that a con too.

My family. I just want them to accept our relationship and to love Alec as much as I do.

Nadine.

oh goodness do we have the baby gap here with 11 years?


i'm 11 years older than my husband. i'm only 8 yrs younger than my MIL... i like that... she's my buddy.

Sometimes Brian talks about things that he read in history books... I remember them (men walking on the moon and such)...

also i hate that i'm back to raising children, my boys are grown...

my biggest fear is that we will never celebrate a big milestone anniversary like 25 years or longer...

First of all...I worry about my man's health all the time. He's gonna be 59 in April, I'm 25. Ya just get worried ya know?

He's the worst about taking care of himself too.

I work with him. The best I can do is try not to come in his office and bug him too much. Although he'll tell ya that I do bug him too much!

Everyone we work with is pretty supportive of it. They think its sweet really He announced our engagement at the office Christmas party, but the memory of the reaction is a little vague to me. I was into the Knob Creek Small Batch Bourbon by then, and if I wasn't on the table, I was soon to be....it was all a little fuzzy. But I think they were happy!

my biggest fear is that we will never celebrate a big milestone anniversary like 25 years or longer...

Me too. :( My husband's parents celebrated their 56th wedding anniversary before his mom passed away last year. For us to have a 56th anniversary, Hubby would have to make it to 105 yrs old! :eek:

I love my relation with my OM.....Im 32, he's 67.

Health is the issue. Death is a huge one for me. Hate to be so blunt but we are dealing with major health issues right now (for the second time).

To all of you who posted about health concerns. Please take this thought with you from me:

If your OM does not have health issues right now, don't think about it, worry about it or have concern about it. Life is so short and I spent so much time worrying about what would happen if my OM became sick.......then it happened. I wish I would have spent my time together with him without the constant worry of "what if".... Now I spend every moment thinking "What crazy and outrageous thing can we do today." We are going away for the night soon...the only thing going through my head is "spend the night like it's our last because I don't know what tomorrow will bring now and I need to show him, tell him and in every way, let him know that I love him more than he will ever know. Life is to be enjoyed, just now am I trying to make it perfect when I should have been doing that all the way along.

Oh CeeJay.....I don't even know what to say....I think you are living my biggest nightmare. I wish you two the best and hope you have a wonderful night away.

Thanks for sharing your experience...I will definately keep your advice in mind and try to quit worrying and just ENJOY what we have.

Thank you for your support. We go day to day.......some days are fantastic, some days are a little teary.......but it's all in what you make of it. We enjoy our life and the bond we created. My OM is not an "OLD" 67, he actually looks like he's in hi 40's.

We look for no sympathy and we don't dare ponder the every day real issues. Focusing on everything we have said, done and shared.....along with all the other memories we have created in 3 years keeps the heart strong and the mind playful everyday.

My OM always tells me that when I'm in my 60's I will look back and enjoy such wonderful memories of all of our time together. I always stop the conversation there and say I don't care about when I'm 60, I just want to care about right now and make it last a lifetime. (He always wondered why the movie Bridges of Madison County leaves me in tears.....lol) I'm not an emotional person but I know that sooner than later I will only be able to reflect.

My words that I shared earlier are just to enjoy today no matter what it brings and don't "want for" the memories of tomorrow....

Thanks Annie!

Wow CeeJay, I had no idea your bf is having health issues. So sorry to hear that! ((((((((HUGS))))))))

ceejay...thank you for sharing what is important!

thoughts and prayers for you both

Pros:
- laid back
- more apt to share feelings
- more open to new ways of doing things, seeing as his old ways got him where he was before.
- ROMANCE!
- Humor. You know, you learn to laugh so much more as you age because you see the things you stressed so hard about when you were young were funny. You find that laughter does you better than stress.
- Peace. He loves me. He knows me. He's here to help me. He's not going anywhere. And, anywhere I'm going, he's already been.

Cons:
- other people. You know, it shrinks your social circle with an age gap. I'm a socialite and I miss that :(
- Family. Mine is accepting and seems to really care about Leigh, but I'll never be like my other cousins with "young brides" and "new fellows".
- Children. Depsite the fact we'll have to go through alot to have our own, He'll only be around for half their life. I'm not sorry about that for me, I'm sorry about that for them.
- Health. As much as I say it's not an issue, it is. Right now though, we're bothing making some positive changes in our lives to ensure we get the most milage out of our bodies.

Alanna:o

CeeJay...my thoughts and prayers and hugs are with you and your OM at this time.

I've been talking a lot about organ donation lately with Alec...(i'm working on a project for one of my classes about this subject) and last night I asked him if he'd want his organs donated.

He told me with a laugh that his organs probably wouldn't be any good...he'll have used them all up. *smile*

My heart got so heavy and sad...I made him promise that he wouldn't go before me. Of course thats not a promise he can make and keep...none of us know when our time is up...but he did tell me that he would do everything in his power to stay with me.

The sadness just hit me like a mack truck though...it was so strange.

I guess we really do just have to cherish every single day we get to spend with our loved ones.

Nadine.

The sadness just hit me like a mack truck though...it was so strange.

I get sad like that too. It's not strange at all. Sometimes I'd be doing something random and suddenly an image will pop into my head--like Hubby being hurt in a car accident and his blood splashed all over the dashboard--and it would totally freak me out. Luckily, these days I'm too busy with school and stuff that my mind doesn't wander as much as it used to. Thank god for that because I don't like the places that my mind apparently likes to go! :(

On a side note, Hubby told me on Christmas Day :confused: that he bought plots for us in a local cemetary. Now, on a practical level, this is totally something I would do because I think about long-term stuff like that, so I wasn't really bothered by it. That said, I still like to tease him about it because LAST year on Christmas Day, he asked me to marry him. Apparently, the only way to top asking someone to spend a lifetime with him is to ask someone to spend ETERNITY with him! :D

Yeah...that happens to me too! Thankfully like you said...I'm back in school and starting to have a life...so it happens much less.

My newest fear is trains now...cuz our local news station keeps running these train safety commercials...and it's so sad and scary at the same time. So everytime I drive across the tracks (which I do daily) I envision horrible things happening. Rats.

*grin* I think cemetary plots are romantic! :D

Nadine.

I agree. I know so many people that are young and sick...it can happen to anyone at any age. Yeah, his health probably will decline before mine...but...who knows? If he's healthy at his age (57), than chances are pretty good he'll stay healthy for a long time.

I always think...better 10 good years with a man I truly love than 50 with someone I settled for!

Since women tend to live longer, and advantage for a ym in a relationship with an ow is you're not as likely to leave her alone for years after your death.

Hmm, I don't know. I tried answering those questions but my answers have nothing to do with the age gap. Maybe it's because our number is on the smaller side, but I don't even really think about age much. Anway I'll try to answer...

The best thing is that it's the best relationship I've ever been in, period. After my *sorry, TMI?* little sexual abuse episode when I was younger, it's nice finding a man that I actually feel really and truly comfortable with. I've never felt that before. Besides that I love Matt as a person and feel lucky as Hell that I know him.

The worst thing is just the distance. Again not an age problem, a geography problem. I hate it. I miss him so much. Occasionally there'll be a day, or even 2-4, where I don't hear from him, and it drives me crazy. We're both busy and since we're so far apart, with a 5 hour time difference, it's hard to coordinate our schedules to talk.

My biggest anxiety about being with someone older always has been, and always will be, other people. I don't have to worry necessarily about him getting older and shutting down before I do, because of the small number between us. But since we started dating when I was around 18ish, of course plenty of people had to butt in with their two cents on how wrong it was. Even now as a 20 year old dating a 27 year old, it kind of astonishes me that some people still have something to say about it. It's weird.

What do I like the most? Well, he treats me well, we're totally compatible, he's a brilliant musician with a great sense of humour and a keen intelligence. Oh wait...that has nothing to do with age. There's really nothing here that's "ooo he's older so therefore he's...X." What I like is that we have a wonderful relationship. His being 12 1/2 years older is really meaningless.

The least? Well, there isn't anything...unless you count the lack of space in our apartment because there are over 30 typewriters and a ton of musical instruments in it (mostly his). But that's because we live in an apartment. Again, there's nothing specific to age that I don't like, except that he keeps calling himself old (and he's not!).

My biggest fear is fairly common. I'm afraid of losing him. But I'm more afraid of losing him at a younger age than others might be afraid of. My boyfriend is diabetic and I know the complications of that disease. So far he's healthy -- and even healthier as we've both been working out and losing weight. But you just don't know when all those scary complications can happen (nerve damage, kidney disease, heart problems). I'm hoping he can stay as healthy as possible for as long as possible, but I'm always afraid of the disease.

~Crysania

What do you like most about your age gap relationship?

What I like most about my relationship doesn't have much to do with his age. I like the fact that we are so alike and that we click together so well with each other. The only thing I think I can loosely relate to age is that since he is older he is not interested in going clubbing. Then again, neither of us has ever been interested in it even when we were surrounded by peers who were.

What do you like least?

What I like the least is how the age gap makes my fiance so insecure at times. I was also going to add worrying he will die first, but there is always that risk of a partner dying even in non-age-gap relationships. Who knows whether someone could get hit by a car or suddenly catch some fatal disease? So I chose not to add that as I feel death of a partner is a fear that can exist in any relationship.

Another thing I like the least is to do with the Canadian rules, my parents being poor and my future in-laws being stubborn and inconsiderate of my parents' feelings. All of this screws up our plans for marriage and puts us in an extremely difficult and stressful situation. That has nothing to do with the age gap, but it is something I hate having in this relationship as it is very frustrating for the both of us.

What is your biggest fear/anxiety about being with an older/younger partner?

My biggest fear is not to do with the age gap, but more with the Canadian rules. I am afraid that I will overstay on my passport for just a few days because we couldn't afford the flight ($2,000 a year, $4,000 if my fiance decides to accompany me) and had to book at the last minute (which meant moving it forward a little) and that somehow we get found out and I will not be allowed to come back to Canada.

My next biggest fear is that I get very ill or become injured and because I don't have permanent residence I will just be left to die (if all the hospitals refused me for an operation, why would they help me with that?).

Yet another one is that I will be stuck forever in Canada flying back and forth, with no doctor, no dentist, no anything and not being able to get a job because of my stubborn in-laws and poor parents. If we can't get married, I can't get permanent residence and my situation will never change.

The last one is that we go ahead and get married alone although my in-laws insisted on being there or that we fly all the way to the Netherlands and get married in an airport just for them (even if my parents cannot afford to come to Canada or the Netherlands). It would be unfair to get married with my in-laws there and not my own parents! My parents understand if we want to get married alone and then have an actual wedding ceremony another time when they can afford to come, but the in-laws don't. I am afraid of going ahead with this even though it will lift a great weight off of our shoulders because I do not want to make my in-laws hate me, or think that I am another manipulative girlfriend like his exes were and that they blame me for the entire thing. On the other hand, I don't want to go ahead and get married with just the in-laws there and hurt my parents and make them hate the in-laws for being so insensitive.

What do you like most about your age gap relationship? Everything, I can't picture myself with a man my own age, I see them as immature little kids, we have lots of things in common

What do you like least? I think, the fact that he's very overprotective with me as if I where 10 years old.

What is your biggest fear/anxiety about being with an older/younger partner? Loosing him, but at the moment, he's even healthier than me, he's a cardiologist and a cardio surgeon as well, he takes care of himself, but yes, I'm afraid of loosing here, I can't see myself aloen without him as I will not last much

Heh...it's cool to see new replies in this thread, and to read what I said over a year ago!

As for now, I think the pros are pretty much the same, except I want to add that he has more understanding for where I'm at and what I'm going through careerwise, than someone my own age would likely have. It's nice to have that.

And for cons, I want to add that he's got baggage that interferes sometimes in our relationship. I've grown to really dislike his ex because her past action are indirectly affecting me and our relationship. I wish he could move past all of that and start fresh. But, this can happen at any age - I do think though, that as we get older, we do get a little more set in our ways.

The pros are just so tremendous.Virtually everything is a first
for her and for me it's as though I'm going through some
of it for the first time as well,by seeing through her eyes.
Remember,this is her first serious relationship since college.
She is so tremendously in love with me and shows it all the time,
She is so wonderfully happy. You can imagine that for me,
it turns back the clock and sort of erases a lot of bad things
that time has brought to me.
I am very happy.
The cons are ironically, also some of the above,having to live up
to expectations.etc. Although just in my imagination,I suppose,
as there are not ant real expectations. On the other hand,for her parents,the expectations are huge ,I am sure,as there have never been any guys that failed ,to compare to.
To CeeJay:
My prayers and thought are with you.
any

Well....Well...Well

Does anybody know he or she will live tomorrow ??

So might as well pray for each other's long happy healthy lives taking best and due care mutually :)

Sometimes I get hung up on the age thing too...if my BF is 25 years older than me, theoretically he would die 25 years sooner...

BUT for all I know either of us could walk across the street and get hit by a bus tomorrow...there are things that could end either of our lives that are totally un-related to age...so I try not to worry about it so much...I'm scared to death of losing him tomorrow or in 20 or 50 years, but that's normal in any relationship I think.

Don't know if any of you have ever thought about that, but it helps me a little.

if my BF is 25 years older than me, theoretically he would die 25 years sooner...

The operative word here is "theoretically". ;)