I'm a newbie--here's my story! :-)

Hello all-

I found this site when googling 'age-gap relationships.' I think this is just what I need! I'm only 2 months into my first age-gap relationship. I'm 10 days shy of being 28 and my boyfriend is 47. We live in NYC.

Just to give you a little history-- I met him on match.com. On his profile he shaved 6 years off of his age, so when I first met him I thought he was 41! We clicked immediately on our first date. From that point on we were seeing each other as often as possible and emailing back and forth all day. It wasn't until a month after we were together that he confessed to me that he was infact 47.

The odd thing was that I wasn't even mad at him! I talked it over with my mom (she's in an age gap relationship w/ a 34 year old guy.) and she said that if that I really cared about him and that I think he's been honest w/ me (aside from the age thing) that I should give him a chance. The thing is if he had been honest with me, he's right, I wouldn't have given him a chance. I would've just thought the gap was too much and sent him a 'thanks but no thanks' email. So as terrible as it sounds, w/o that lie, we wouldn't be together. Not that I advocate lying!!! I think being so close to my mother and watching how she's struggled with her age delimma made me more empathetic when dealing with my boyfriend's initial deception.

Ok, enough history! (Have you all fallen asleep yet!?) ;)

At present, Enrique and I are completely smitten. We are so in sync, it's amazing. I have never felt so completely connected to someone in my life. He is everything I always wanted but never thought I would actually find. He is chivalrous, soulful and always anticipating my needs. This is a real shock to me...in the two relationships prior to this one I always ended up feeling like the guy's mommy (not because of age but because they wouldn't take good care of themselves.) So to have a guy who is actually looking out for me is the most wonderfully foreign feeling. I truly feel like we are equals.

This past weekend he and I somehow reached a new level of closeness. I can't really explain it except to say that there was definitely an extra something there. I realized yesterday, that I have already fallen in love with him. This is very scary to me because I haven't really had much of a taste of the challenges we will face. I know there's no turning back for me now. So any advice would be greatly appreciated!

I'm definitely going to need advice as far as how to integrate your much older partner with my much younger friends. He hasn't met any of my friends yet (not intentional--it just hasn't worked out yet scheduling-wise) but my birthday is next week so he's going to meet all of them at once. EEK!

Also I wondered if anyone else in an age-gap relationship was also dealing with race/cultural differences. I'm a midwestern caucasian girl and he's Mexican. He and I just started talking about the race issue last week. To me, it is a non-issue and I don't even think about it. I guess he's been discriminated against in a past relationship with a caucasian girl and he's worried that I'm not prepared for the fact that we may be the target of negative remarks. I don't know how to reassure him that I couldn't care less about his ethnicity (meaning it's not a problem-not that I'm not intersted in learning about it) and I certainly don't care about anyone who would have something bad to say about us for it.

Ok, sorry to go on and on. I just wanted to lay it all out there. I promise I don't always talk this much! :)

I look forward to getting to know everyone!

Audrey

:welcome:

Love your Avatar....beautiful!

It sounds as if your head is squarely between your shoulders! It's wonderful for you (& Enrique) that you are so close to your mom and that she's in a similar situation. What a wonderful source of support and wealth of knowledge for you.:D

As for the "other people" issues....meh. There will always be some who, for whatever reason, will not agree with your decision(s) whether it be ya'lls age/race difference or other things. What are ya gonna do...can't spend your time worrying about what "others" think.

Wow! All the friends at once! Brave man he is. I hope that your friends are just that....friends. I hope that they see how in love and happy you are and rejoice in that for you. For those that don't, hopefully despite their reasons for disapproval w/ your choice(s) they will continue to be supportive of you.

Again, :welcome: and an early :bdaysong:

http://bestsmileys.com/welcome/10.gif

Hi Audrey! :welcome:

I am in an interracial relationship--I am Asian and hubby (Zakem, also a member on MTaG) is Caucasian. Interestingly, HE is the one who feels discriminated against and he's always worried that he won't fit in. :hmm:

Anyway, I'll be working in NYC this summer so we should meet up! :)

Welcome Audrey,

My birthday is next week as well :) It sounds as though you have great family support and have found yourself a wonderful man!

Can't wait to get to know you better!!

Wow, thanks everyone I DO feel welcome. :-)

I knew I would find positive encouragement here, but I didn't realize how truly good it would make me feel to read your kind words. So thanks. :-)

MyLife you're totally right about my friends--I do actually think they'll be accepting. I think I'm more worried about how we'll all mix together. My friends are very into the indie music scene here, etc and my boyfriend doesn't even know who Coldplay is. Not saying that I'm unhappy about that at all...quite the contrary! I love that he isn't obsessed with pop culture. Guess I'm just afraid he won't be able to relate to them and vice versa.

Yes, I do feel VERY lucky to have a mother who can help me understand what he might be going through and who basically will love whomever I love.

I looked back at some of the posts you guys have made and realized that several of you have 19 year gaps too! :-) Yea, so nice to know we're so nearly on the same page.

Thanks for the message Em. Good to know others are doing the age-gap and interracial thing too. Thank goodness society has mellowed, but I guess it's always good to be prepared incase ignorance rears its ugly head. Also, I would love to meet up this summer! :-)

When is your birthday Malani? Ooo, that means you and your baby will have very close birthdays. :-)

Also, if anyone is interested, I added Mind the Age Gap to my myspace page so if anyone's on there, hopefully I'll get to know more about you guys via that site. I'd love to get to know more of you and add you as friends.

www.myspace.com/audrey_grace

Thanks again everyone! :-)

HI:party: (I've been just dieing to use that one)

~Jenna

Welcome aboard. You'll find this to be a great group of supportive folks. If you need advice, ask Trish, she's like a female King Solomon (without the distraction of a harem, unless there is a harem, and then Trish I wanna know how I join :D). Em's the lovely and benevolent master of the domain, she keeps this place running and is always making improvments to keep things interesting. Poll is our resident stalker, but he's a nice stalker. Vicky is our sweety from Russia, and is like the cyber sister you never had. I could go on, but I really got to get back to software development. Good to have you here.

Hi! :hello:


:welcome:

I look forward to seeing your posts!!

:welcome:

I'm a white bred girl and my ex-husband is part Mexican and part Apache. We never had any issues with racial prejudice and I live in a very rural and backwards area. I think you should be fine with that. Good luck and once again, welcome.


Shan

Welcome! Gorgeous avatar!:)

Yay!Welcome Audrey :)

Is it your real name?I love it.

I am Spanish and my now husband who also posts here is American, not a visible 'racial difference' i would say(or that i can notice, maybe others can), but there sure are some cultural differences :)

Welcome to the site, you sound like a really nice woman!You should get your mom to post too :D

:hug:

Hi and :welcome:
I'm also in AGR, me 22, him 41. He's American, I'm Russian, both caucasian but sure there are some culture differences. But very few.
I'm sure you will like it here, it's a very supportive community :)

Hello all-

The odd thing was that I wasn't even mad at him! I talked it over with my mom (she's in an age gap relationship w/ a 34 year old guy.) and she said that if that I really cared about him and that I think he's been honest w/ me (aside from the age thing) that I should give him a chance. The thing is if he had been honest with me, he's right, I wouldn't have given him a chance. I would've just thought the gap was too much and sent him a 'thanks but no thanks' email. So as terrible as it sounds, w/o that lie, we wouldn't be together. Not that I advocate lying!!! I think being so close to my mother and watching how she's struggled with her age delimma made me more empathetic when dealing with my boyfriend's initial deception.




Audrey


Hi there! I'm Laura. I loved reading your story and it was very similar to mine.

I met Tony my freshman year of college, and when we first started talking, he led me to believe he was 28, when he was really 34 at the time. I only asked him once what his age was, I truthfully forgot how old he had said he was. I knew from the first moment we talked that this had incredible potential. We would talk for hours and hours, and he would make me laugh so hard. I admit, even at the time, a ten year difference seemed like a big deal to me, and Tony and I got so serious so quick it scared me a little bit, but we were both so perfect for each other.
When I found out his real age, I asked him about it and he admitted it to me. I can truthfully understand why he told me what he did, although I was very angry with him about the lying. The truth was, I was already in love with him. And would I normally have gone for a 34 year old guy in Iraq who sent me a message online one day? Probably not. But because I responded, and got to know him, I'm now the happiest woman in the world (well, except for the fact that at the moment we're international long distance...).
As far as friends go, I would REALLY encourage you to let your relationship develop maybe one or two more months. My friends heard me on the phone with Tony, they saw me when I came back from weekends with him- they knew I was in an incredible loving relationship with a great guy. One evening I sat them all down and told him how old he was- and they were all incredibly supportive. All my college friends adore him, think he's hilarious, and most importantly- have realized that this man is the one for me and that he treats me so well. Let your relationship develop until you're confident. I wanted to be positive and let a few months go by so that if anyone DID try to talk me out of it, Tony and I would have enough time/love under our belt to know that this was right for me.
And it worked out so well. My mother met Tony, and loves him. My mother's boyfriend met Tony, and loves him. My little brother met Tony. You guessed it- he loved him.

Let your friends get to know the guy as a person through you before you do the introduction. Every single one of my friends said 'If he makes you happy, that's all we care about.' It was such a relief, because the age difference wasn't a big deal to me, but I really didn't want to hear negative comments from other people.
And let me tell you, it gets easier. Allow your friends/family to see the good things that you love about your man- how he makes you happy, treats you, what you have in common. Most good people will realize that a strong relationship that makes you happy is what matters. I'm so glad your mother understands.


Good luck, and I COMPLETELY understand what you're saying about his lying. I was angry with Tony for lying, but at the same time, I wouldn't have gotten to know this incredible man otherwise!

When is your birthday Malani? Ooo, that means you and your baby will have very close birthdays. :-)

My birthday is the 26th, all I want this year is for the baby to be born :)

:welcome:

Great to have you here! Looking forward to getting to know you better. :D

This is the Great Bappaditya Pal, the Emperor of India.
In India, it is usual and socially accepted for the women to be at least a decade younger than the man.
Males with older wife face a lot of stigma and social discomfort even in urban areas. Such relationships can not be sustained in rural areas as the community will ostracize you.
to Hello all-

I found this site when googling 'age-gap relationships.' I think this is just what I need! I'm only 2 months into my first age-gap relationship. I'm 10 days shy of being 28 and my boyfriend is 47. We live in NYC.

Just to give you a little history-- I met him on match.com. On his profile he shaved 6 years off of his age, so when I first met him I thought he was 41! We clicked immediately on our first date. From that point on we were seeing each other as often as possible and emailing back and forth all day. It wasn't until a month after we were together that he confessed to me that he was infact 47.

The odd thing was that I wasn't even mad at him! I talked it over with my mom (she's in an age gap relationship w/ a 34 year old guy.) and she said that if that I really cared about him and that I think he's been honest w/ me (aside from the age thing) that I should give him a chance. The thing is if he had been honest with me, he's right, I wouldn't have given him a chance. I would've just thought the gap was too much and sent him a 'thanks but no thanks' email. So as terrible as it sounds, w/o that lie, we wouldn't be together. Not that I advocate lying!!! I think being so close to my mother and watching how she's struggled with her age delimma made me more empathetic when dealing with my boyfriend's initial deception.

Ok, enough history! (Have you all fallen asleep yet!?) ;)

At present, Enrique and I are completely smitten. We are so in sync, it's amazing. I have never felt so completely connected to someone in my life. He is everything I always wanted but never thought I would actually find. He is chivalrous, soulful and always anticipating my needs. This is a real shock to me...in the two relationships prior to this one I always ended up feeling like the guy's mommy (not because of age but because they wouldn't take good care of themselves.) So to have a guy who is actually looking out for me is the most wonderfully foreign feeling. I truly feel like we are equals.

This past weekend he and I somehow reached a new level of closeness. I can't really explain it except to say that there was definitely an extra something there. I realized yesterday, that I have already fallen in love with him. This is very scary to me because I haven't really had much of a taste of the challenges we will face. I know there's no turning back for me now. So any advice would be greatly appreciated!

I'm definitely going to need advice as far as how to integrate your much older partner with my much younger friends. He hasn't met any of my friends yet (not intentional--it just hasn't worked out yet scheduling-wise) but my birthday is next week so he's going to meet all of them at once. EEK!

Also I wondered if anyone else in an age-gap relationship was also dealing with race/cultural differences. I'm a midwestern caucasian girl and he's Mexican. He and I just started talking about the race issue last week. To me, it is a non-issue and I don't even think about it. I guess he's been discriminated against in a past relationship with a caucasian girl and he's worried that I'm not prepared for the fact that we may be the target of negative remarks. I don't know how to reassure him that I couldn't care less about his ethnicity (meaning it's not a problem-not that I'm not intersted in learning about it) and I certainly don't care about anyone who would have something bad to say about us for it.

Ok, sorry to go on and on. I just wanted to lay it all out there. I promise I don't always talk this much! :)

I look forward to getting to know everyone!

Audrey

:welcome:

Thanks for sharing your story.

This is the Great Bappaditya Pal, the Emperor of India.
In India, it is usual and socially accepted for the women to be at least a decade younger than the man.
Males with older wife face a lot of stigma and social discomfort even in urban areas. Such relationships can not be sustained in rural areas as the community will ostracize you.
to


I guess I am not the only one curious about this post, am I? :D

No, you're not, but it is the internet, so who knows.

I guess I am not the only one curious about this post, am I? :D

I was going to mention it, but like Blino said it's the net. *shrug*

Hi Everyone-- sorry I was MIA for awhile. The past few weeks have been crazy at work and that's when I usually online. I'm back now though--and look forward to becoming more involved and getting to know everyone better. :-)

Just to give a little update:

This past weekend was a big relationship milestone for my SO and I. He FINALLY met most of my friends (who LOVED him) and we also had our first really big fight. I'm happy to say that I think we emerged from both experiences (the meeting of the friends AND the fight) closer and more resolved than before. Thanks to everyone who wished me well when I expressed nervousness about him meeting my friends.

:yay: - For the emergence of both situations a stronger couple.

Welcome back. Don't stay away so long next time.

I love your name by the way. My daughter has a variation: Aubrey

This past weekend was a big relationship milestone for my SO and I. He FINALLY met most of my friends (who LOVED him) and we also had our first really big fight. I'm happy to say that I think we emerged from both experiences (the meeting of the friends AND the fight) closer and more resolved than before. Thanks to everyone who wished me well when I expressed nervousness about him meeting my friends.

I'm so happy to hear that he met your friends and it went well. Sorry about the fight though--it happens even in the best of relationships. I should know. ;) :D