So I think I got dumped...

I'm in shock. Who would wanna dump me? I was like...are you serious?

If anyone should dump anyone, I should dump you. You're the one that treats me like crap. So...well...you dumping me...is just FUNNY! Puh-lease...

ARE you serious? is HE serious? I would NEVER dump you!

Seriously?


OMG get over the shock and send the asshole a thank you note.


Hon, just from what i've seen you post in the past few days... you can do better.

God...I didn't even realize I was dumpable. I thought I was going to be the first human being to get through life NEVER being seriously dumped. Ok...so, my prom date at the Junior High School prom dumped me...in 7th grade. But I don't think that counts.

Yeah...I think he's serious. He wants my ass out. At least thats what he said. But then he kissed me on the forehead and made me coffee :confused:

But I think he wants me out.

EDIT: OMG what I great idea Nessa. I should seriously send him a thank you note. With a couple of chinsy flowers or something. I'm afraid it will make him feel bad.

did he even say why, sorry:(

He said I deserve someone better than him, and I have my whole life ahead of me, and there's something in him that won't let him stop treating me like an asshole basically. He can't live with the pain or guilt of that anymore...or something like that. I was like...wow...these are all things you could have brought to my attention like 5 years ago. And before you put a ring on my finger...LOL!

Geesh...

You know, I gotta agree with Nessa here. He has been being a complete jerk to you lately, and it does all sort of add up for someone who is definitely acting NOT RIGHT. Now... ummm... I thought the apartment was yours and he moved in with you. :confused: Or did you ditch your place to move in there with him? I can't remember. But ya know, since apartments are not easy to come by, I'd tell him to go live in that nice old house he's got upstate and kiss your ass, cuz you ain't going anywhere. :eek: THAT's just me, though. LOL.

~phos

wow, 5 years down the drain over something he could told ya early on. yeah i agree with fos, i saw another post where u said he didnt want you have to male friends because it made him "feel" bad?if R ever told me that he would be out the door by now.. lol thats all i have is male friends, friends are hard to come by male or female.

He said I deserve someone better than him, and I have my whole life ahead of me, and there's something in him that won't let him stop treating me like an asshole basically. He can't live with the pain or guilt of that anymore...or something like that. I was like...wow...these are all things you could have brought to my attention like 5 years ago. And before you put a ring on my finger...LOL!

Geesh...


you say YES your right I do deserve better.

WTF????? Are you serious????? What the hell happened?????

:confused:

Naw...I ditched my apartment to find one with him. We got this apartment together. In 2001...*sigh*. I was paying $775 to live by myself on the ass end of Brooklyn (last stop on the L) so it made more sense for us to get an apartment together and to pay $1050 each (utilities included) 3 stops from Manhattan, 7 stops from work. The 2 hour subway commute was starting to wear on me! So if I stay here, I'd have to find a roomate this month anyway, although I can go into my savings and cover the rent for a while.

He won't move back north yet either because of work. Grrrr....

I'll take a lay off for a while until some of this blows over! At least I'm in the Unenjoyment Insurance $405 club (maximum benefit in New York State)

Craigslist is a little sparse. If you're going to dump someone and ask them to move out, the least you could do is do it before the end of the month, not 2 days into the next month. Slim pickins in the classifieds right now. Plus...I have a DOG! Ugh. Finding an apartment is hard enough. Finding an apartment with a DOG is like a thousand times worse.

Oh yeah..on the friends thing...like I said, he never asked me to do that. I just wanted to take the path of least resistance so to speak...

and Em...I'm not really sure what the hell happened. Everything was fine...and then last night he gives me the whole speech about how there's something in him that can't make me happy. That can't even really be nice to me. He thinks I should find someone who treats me better. He's got too many people in his life right now apparently (meaning his kids and grandkids) that he has to take care of...and he doesn't have time or room to take care of me.

:eek: Well, hon... I think you need to tell him HE needs to get out. Find a roommate to pick up the other half. Finding a roommate where you're livin' ain't gonna be hard, me thinks. And ya got the dog. He doesn't. When ya go home, tell him NO. You want out, get the fuck out. Your problem, not mine. And plant your ass.

When people want to get out of a relationship, THEY need to be the ones doing the moving. Fucking retards. :rolleyes:

(((((HUGS)))))) to you hon. What's this about work? You'd quit working there cuza him?
~phos

Fos is right tell him SEE YA don't let the door hit you on the way out....

actually try "I'm so sorry you feel this way, i'll help you pack."


and I HATE it when someone does the whole "I'm not good enough for you" bullshit.... WHAT A CROCK..... even if it's true it's not what he means.

Wow...I don't know what to say...:eek:

Yeah...what the hell is the I'm not good enough for you thing? What the hell does that even mean. That's all he keeps saying. I love you more than you know...I always will love you, but you deserve someone better than me. Does that me he's totally not happy in this relationship and he really doesn't love me and wants out? I mean...he could just say that. When you are dumping someone, is not the time to spare their feelings :confused:

If I tried to get him to leave, he totally wouldn't. I'd have to call the cops...his name is on the lease too :( He's lazy that way. And I definetly have to take some time off work, but I can get unemployement. I definetly can't see his face everyday while all this is going on. He's like...a monky monk with 25 years of service. I'm just a peon with 5 years of service that can be easily replaced. He says I don't have to take time off obviously...but I want to.

EDIT: WAIT!!! Do you think he's seeing someone else? I know his email password. Should I check it??? Just to make sure.

EDIT: WAIT!!! Do you think he's seeing someone else? I know his email password. Should I check it??? Just to make sure.


do YOU think he is??

If my guy were, I would DEFINITELY have a hunch. Any sudden absences or clues?


You're a much stronger chick than I am... I've never been dumped either, and with our arguments lately, I have been pondering how I would react if we broke up... and I would be a mess... stay strong!

Oh man...ya know. I don't know if I have a hunch. I'm not sure. When he was married he was in love with another woman for years (why he told me that, I'm not sure) so its definetly possible. Most of his absences I've always written off to the fact that he was out getting bombed until 4 AM. I never really thought that he may be with someone. But now that I've been freakin dumped...its like...there's gotta be a reason...outside of "You deserve someone better" of course.

EDIT: Geesh...he deletes his email off the server! What crapola! Who does that? I let my emails pile up! Goodness gracious. Now I'm really paranoid.

Well, I still think you should sit tight. YOUR name is on the lease, too. He could fucking RETIRE, rather then let you lose FIVE YEARS of service. Hon, do NOT give him the satisfaction of fucking up your life. :eek: Oh dear God, no!!!

I say be a stubborn, patient bitch. Now's the perfect time. You should NOT move if he wants out of the relationship. You should NOT quit your job. In fact, you should thank him everytime you see him at work. "Hey, thanks Bill! I'm really glad to have my friends back in my life and am really having a great time! THANKS!"

Come on. You're definitely stronger enough to stick this one out. No way would I ever let a man run me out of MY job of FIVE FREAKIN' YEARS.

*hands SN a big ole cup of liquid STRENGTH.*

~phos

OH HELL YES

LIVING WELL is the best revenge..

sit tight
go to work
live well
call your old friends and go out and have a life

and thank him every time you see him for letting you have your life back.

I don't know if I want to antagonize him...I really just want this done as smoothly and as quickly as possible.

I really don't feel bad. I don't really feel like crying or anything. I just feel like I've kinda hit rock bottom...and I'm actually finding comfort in that fact.

I'm actually kinda of...excited. Looking forward to the future, living alone again....the frills and thrills of dating. Etc. Etc. I'm apparently the easiest person in the world to dump.

Sorry to hear all this SN.....

How do you know a relationship is over?
You feel a sense of relief.

That speaks volumes. It's one thing to antagonize, and another to simply not be willing to do the dirty work. Explain to him that he HAS somewhere else to go (you don't) and if he doesn't like seeing you at work, he could always retire. Then smile and walk away.

And then, pick up the phone, call your old guy friends and go have a good time. If I could, I'd come up just to have a drink with you... cept I think I'm allergic to New York. :eek: No, I know I am. LOL. ;)

~phos

I sent a goodbye letter to his family...whom we are much closer to than mine. I told my family. They are pretty pissed. But his kids and nephew are like...what? This means you'll still be around for summer vacation right? And you're still coming to the Derby right?

Ugh...now I have to call them and tell them...no, that's not what it means. Not in the slightest.

Well damn Sierra. I guess I won't say I'm sorry if you are actually feeling excited about it. But what an ass. And I agree that you should not be too quick to quit your job and that he should definitely be the one to move.

But I do understand wanting to just get it over with as quickly as possible - so do whatever it takes to make that happen.

(((((hug)))))

Geez!! Sierra, I am sorry you're going through all this...even though it's probably for the best if you're feeling the way you are. BUT, I get the sense you're likely still in shock about it all (I think I'm in shock...so you MUST be). Phos has some great advice...I know you want to make it easier for him, but you have to think about yourself and your future too.

Yeah...I think I agree with the shock part. Sadness...starting to set in...hard. :(

Yeah...I think I agree with the shock part. Sadness...starting to set in...hard.

(((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))

It's going to alright Sierra. We're here for you.

Wow...I can't believe that!!!

What a f-ing rip off! What a dang cop out. I'm mad on your behalf SN.

You're keeping the ring ...right? *grin*

I agree with everyone else totally...you shouldn't have to move a single muscle...he wants to cut you out of his life cuz he already has enough people to "take care of"...then you let him fix his own life.

The way I see it...your name is on the lease too...so why should you have to move? You got the job on your own right? So why should you have to try and get a new job?

Blah...this whole situation just sucks. I'm sorry hun. (((((((((HUGE HUGS)))))))))

Nadine.

Sorry about all this :(

SIERRA!! :eek: *slap slap slap* Snap out of it! Girl! Buck up chipmunk and kick his ass out! It's the cardinal rule, like Phos said, that if he wants out of the relationship, then HE needs to get OUT. I promise girl, you'll regret leaving your job and your apartment, and you'll be bitter that he's still there and wasn't inconvenienced at all. I know you're in shock, and shock is starting to turn into hurt, but think about you. For the first time in a long time, think about YOU.

After saying all that, I will tell you that I have done the same thing as you. I dated a guy from my church and we were 3 MONTHS from getting married and he did the "it's me not you...you deserve better" shit. I was so mortified and crushed (he had proposed to me in a Sunday morning service in front of a church of 500) that I left. I let him have our new place, I let him stay at the church we'd BOTH gone to and left. To this day, I regret it. I feel like I had to leave everything that was comfortable and that he got away scott free. Now that he's moved out of the place, he even got the deposit back wich I PAID FOR. :mad: For experience hun, don't do this. Stand up for yourself and hold you ground.


Lastly, and this is only my experience, my ex-fiance was seeing someone else. She moved in right behind me. Hun, protect yourself.

Now for the best part ((((((((((((((((((Sierra)))))))))))))))))))) Girl, you're incredible and any man would be lucky to have you! You've got so much to offer, intelligence, heart, passion, drive, and yes, be excited! A new chapter in your life is opening! But give yourself some time to grieve the loss of this relationship. You're in my thoughts :o

Alanna

You probably don't want to hear this right now because this all just happened right?....but....

When somebody dumps you they're doing you a FAVOR. It's an opportunity to find someone BETTER suited for you, someone that will make you HAPPIER.

Try to remember that. Hugs to ya.

I don't think he should be bashed. Sounds like this guy has had a pretty rough life.

I hear ya. I don't want to bash him. I love him. People will always give me plently of good reasons why I shouldn't...but...I know why I do and always will.

I would really just like to know...why. Seriously. Not the "you deserve something better" thing. I just want the truth. Even though, I probably know I'll never get it.

Oh well...*shrugs*

((((((((((SN))))))))))!!!!!!!!!!!

I agree with everyone else, Honey. He's the one who needs to move. I also understand your wanting to make things as smooth as possible. But right now you need to get mad and fight for yourself. If (and I'm saying "if" because I think this may not be over) you don't work things out, then you are going to go through all the stages of grief....shock (where you are now), denial, sorrow....and then after you repeat those steps a few thousand times, you get to acceptance. But after a life that you shared with someone, for five years (that's how long my marriage lasted), it takes a long time to get to the acceptance stage.

In the meantime, you have to take very good care of yourself and think logically (which you always do). Get out the negotiator in you and bargain yourself a deal that's going to benefit you.

When my husband wanted our divorce, I rolled up and died....and 30 years later the SOB still owns the home we bought together.

Don't give up the apartment which you have every right to live in, or the job you've worked so hard at. It's not right, or fair, that he's doing this and you're expected to be the one to make all the changes.

Just in the few things I've read, this man has some serious issues...his drinking, the PTSD from Viet Nam....don't let this mess of a man ruin your life. If you choose to stay with him and work things out, he needs serious help....counseling and maybe a 12-step program.

Edited to say: I don't think he should be bashed either. It sounds like he's had a lot of grief and sorrow in his life.

Holy moly crap! I'm in shock. You are the last person with the exception of Phos that I expected this to happen to.

Girl, you are super intelligent and you'll pull through this brilliantly. I just know you will. I'm with Trish though, I'm not truly convinced it's over. But if it is take care of yourself first and don't make it easy on him.

(((((((SN)))))))

Shan

it just doesn't make sense...

we're here for you SN... *H*

I agree with everyone here. Make HIM move. He wants to get out that bad? Well, let him! YOU have no place to go. HE, on the other hand, can go sleep on his daughter's couch. If he refuses to leave, I personally would just toss all his stuff into the hallway and change the locks while he's at work. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned! :mad:

aww Sierra,i would say i am sorry but no!you actually deserve something better.

you seem to be a very sensitive and smart woman,i am sure everything will be fine in this new life you are about to begin (in your current apartment! :p )tho i know it has to be hard

well,you can look for another job,but dont quit yours right now unless it is something you cannot stand

you know,

apartment $2100
chocolate ice cream + tissues + <insert ramdom love film with a not very happy end> $20 ? (not sure about prices there :D )

watching his dumb face EVERY DAY at work,wondering why he let such a nice woman go,while you have a fresh start...PRICELESS!

/hugs

aww Sierra,i would say i am sorry but no!you actually deserve something better.

you seem to be a very sensitive and smart woman,i am sure everything will be fine in this new life you are about to begin (in your current apartment! :p )tho i know it has to be hard

well,you can look for another job,but dont quit yours right now unless it is something you cannot stand

you know,

apartment $2100
chocolate ice cream + tissues + <insert ramdom love film with a not very happy end> $20 ? (not sure about prices there :D )

watching his dumb face EVERY DAY at work,wondering why he let such a nice woman go,while you have a fresh start...PRICELESS!

/hugs

LOL! That was good, Nasmah!

SN,

Ladies have given you some very good advises.

So, all I will do is give you a hug.

((((((((((SN)))))))))))


I was not aware that things were getting rocky with you. I thought that things were great between you and your man.

SN,

Ladies have given you some very good advises.

So, all I will do is give you a hug.

((((((((((SN)))))))))))


I was not aware that things were getting rocky with you. I thought that things were great between you and your man.

Actually....I thought so too...we had our normal relationship problems, like everyone does. But I really never believed he thought it bad enough to ask me to move out.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and support!

I love you all!

Actually....I thought so too...we had our normal relationship problems, like everyone does. But I really never believed he thought it bad enough to ask me to move out.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and support!

I love you all!

Maybe he's just reacting to his problems and taking them out on the person he feels closest to and trusts the most, SN. Please don't blame yourself....

I love you all!

We love you too!!!

If there's anything I can do...please let me know.

You know...I've been trying to get Alec to commit a crime with me so that our pictures can be on the news together. AND I've been watching a lot of CSI...so if ya need some work done....you just let us know. *GRIN*

Nadine.

Actually....I thought so too...we had our normal relationship problems, like everyone does. But I really never believed he thought it bad enough to ask me to move out.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and support!

I love you all!

But, why should you move out? He is the man. He should move out. You are a damsel in distress. You need the shelter.

Anyway, that is how I would approach if I were him.

But, why should you move out? He is the man. He should move out. You are a damsel in distress. You need the shelter.

Anyway, that is how I would approach if I were him.
Too late. She's packed and gone.

That was so cruel of him.

SN,

When you log in again, know that I'm thinking of you. Hope all is reasonably well, and that you are safe.

Kat

SN,

When you log in again, know that I'm thinking of you. Hope all is reasonably well, and that you are safe.

Kat

Ditto what Kat said....I've been thinking of you and I hope you're alright.
I know you don't believe in God but you're in my prayers anyway, cuz hey, at a time like this....whatever works!

Big hugs, Honey!

Oh yeah...I forgot. I'M FUCKING BROKE!!!! I want to leave. I'd like to leave. But after I reserved this car, I went there and found out I have no money. I tried to pay for it with my debit/checking account, but apparently they frown upon that and put a $400 hold on your account over and above the 3 somthing one has to pay to rent a car for the weekend in New York City. BLAH! Which would have left me a big fat 80 bucks in the checking account for gas. Nice. Great. I could clean out our miniscule savings account. The rest of my money is tied up in an IRA and another pension plan. Great. Every other penny I've put into his stupid house and his stupid gambling problem. None of which I'll ever see a cent back from. I could have used my credit card, but I use it for reimbursible work stuff only like plane tickets which I can pay off in full by the end of the month. I spent too long digging myself out of my college credit hole to go back there again over some asshole guy.

He's staying with his daughters. Surpise surpise. He's got a whole house with a brand new bathroom, kitchen, living room and master bedroom thanks to my help but he doesn't want to go there. He'd rather sleep on the couch at the tiny apartment where his daughters live until I find "some place else." Well, I gotta save up some unenjoyment money. No one's gonna rent an apartment because I am cool. We did talk though. I told him that the only POSSIBLE way we could work this out....and I do mean POSSIBLE, its by no means a guarantee...is if he enters counseling for his anger problem, his flashback problem, and his drinking problem. I don't need him to stop drinking entirely, I need to stop drinking when he feels that he can't retain his self control if he has another sip.

And guess what he said? Guess...go ahead....guess. NO FUCKING WAY!

Ha, I'm shocked.

If you want to throw away me...for the bottle. Fine. Go ahead seriously. I've given that man everything for 5 years. If he wants to take control of himself, and make an effort so he doesn't lose me, he's more than welcome to. If he wants me back so he can pull this shit again in two weeks. Well...then, have a nice life.

Oh SN....I'm so sorry....tell him he can keep sleeping on his daughter's couch.

I didn't want to bash him before but he's a jackass!!!! Five years is a long time to be with someone but it's possible to move on and have a much better life, and, eventually, a much better relationship. If he isn't willing to fix his problems then he isn't worth your time.

In my long life, after a few failed relationships, I've learned that no relationship is better than a lousy relationship. There are far worse things than being alone. And one of them is being with someone who would choose alcohol over a wonderful, bright, kind, compassionate woman.

God, he's a jackass.....:mad: But he was right about one thing....you do deserve someone better than him.

:eek: Yep, what Trish said. :eek:

(((HUGS))) hon. I'm glad to hear you're at least a live. ;) AND he's staying elsewhere. Take your time. :p on him.
~phos

i am seeing a LONG LONG search for a new place to live in your future.


:hug: sweetie...

And let us know when you're gonna disappear woman...we were worried about ya! *smile*

I agree with everyone....I just wanted to give you a hug.

What a sucky situation. (((((((HUG))))))))

Nadine.

SN... good to hear from you, and good to hear you are angry! a good motivator!
umm...tell him to fuck off about the apartment!! you sunk money into his house, and unless you get that money back, you're not going anywhere. even if i got money back, hell i still wouldn't go anywhere.
change the locks..
deals over...he left the apartment. works in divorces...

take care of yourself... we all care about you *H*

Yeah what the hell. I like Brooklyn. I LOVE Brooklyn and New York City. I had to fight like dog to get here...why should I leave over some guy?

*nodding* absolutely NO reason for you to leave...and if you want some more reason...i assume he earns more then you, can afford to find another place, pay those expenses, plus he has a house, move there! enjoy your new kitchen!!

change the locks!!

((((SN)))). I was thinking along the same lines as Christina. Um, you poured your time and money into that house, for one of his daughters right? Well....like the breakdown of any marriage, you deserve something out of this. I don't know what common law marriage is in the US, but I would think that this would classify as one? Don't just walk away....you deserve something for all your work and money.

SN,

I had a husband of twelve years and a kid with him, who was willing to give it all up for the privilege of continuing to drink every night and never look in any depth at his life and the effect his lifestyle was having on his marriage. Guess what he did? He married someone with the same habits...way to step up to the plate, dude!!

Stay put, don't give your life away, and leave if and when you're ready.
XXOO Kat

So...he's going to see a shrink. I told a friend of the family all about him (he's a psychaitrist and neurologist in Boston, but used to work down here in the city) and I got a phone number for him to call to set up an evaluation for him. I gave him the number. We'll see if he calls it today.

((((SN)))). I was thinking along the same lines as Christina. Um, you poured your time and money into that house, for one of his daughters right? Well....like the breakdown of any marriage, you deserve something out of this. I don't know what common law marriage is in the US, but I would think that this would classify as one? Don't just walk away....you deserve something for all your work and money.

Sadly, that is not the law in NY. Unless they had a written agreement regarding the house renovation, it will be pretty damn impossible to convince a judge that the money SN spent on the house was meant as an investment (meaning she expects to see a return on it), as opposed to a gift. Most courts will presume that it is a gift due to the nature of their relationship (finance/fiancee).

Sierra, I'm glad to hear that Bill changed his mind about seeing the shrink. It will be the best thing for him--and for you too. Even if the relationship doesn't work out, at least this will help you get some closure. ((((((HUGS)))))

SN,

I am delighted to see you alive and well. Life sucks but still it is too damn short.

Best of luck!!!!!!!!

<hugs>

Hey SN, any updates with your situation?

Are you guys still talking?

Did he ever go see that therapist?

How are you doing?

(((((SN)))))

Sending tons of good thoughts to you....