So what is too much?...

What age gap difference do you think is just too much for it to truly work and be a good relationship for both involved?

I HONESTLY think that if both people are willing to come to terms with what may happen, that no gap is too large as long as both are adults.

I don't know if I'D be comfortable with much more than what we have (19 years) because I already worry about spending part of my life without him... but if someone is willing to deal with that, and their intentions are decent, then I don't think there is a gap that is too big.

BUT, if an 18 year old is with an 80 year old, I would definitely QUESTION the intentions of BOTH parties.

I HONESTLY think that if both people are willing to come to terms with what may happen, that no gap is too large as long as both are adults.
but if someone is willing to deal with that, and their intentions are decent, then I don't think there is a gap that is too big.
BUT, if an 18 year old is with an 80 year old, I would definitely QUESTION the intentions of BOTH parties.
I'm currently in a 30 year age gap, and I dont think I could be in a larger gap just because of the risk of being without him for so long. But I do believe it all depends on the people in the relationship. Some can handle a huge age difference and some cant, although I have never seen an 18 year old with an 80 year old that was actually a true attempt at a loving relationship.

we have an 11 year gap.... and you know what it's like no gap at all.

Here's what I think:

10-year gap--not even worth mentioning.
20-year gap--becoming increasingly blase these days thanks to Hollywood.
30-year gap--kinda pushing it but those up for a challenge can pull it off with great success.
40-year gap and over--I think this is where the challenges start to become insurmountable.

Here's what I think:

10-year gap--not even worth mentioning.
20-year gap--becoming increasingly blase these days thanks to Hollywood.
30-year gap--kinda pushing it but those up for a challenge can pull it off with great success.
40-year gap and over--I think this is where the challenges start to become insurmountable.

I totally concur. *grin*

Nadine.

Mouse, when you say "mean kids" are you talking about people your age not getting your age gap relationship?

I don't know the right number, but to me at some point it just gets to unhealthy and quite silly to think it is worth it. I don't blink at my 14 yr difference. But when I hear 30 or so I just think "can that really work?"

Mouse,
Yeah friends my age were really freaked out at first...my nickname w/them was anna nicole;) but eventually they got to know Griffin as a person and actually like him and accept our relationship. Now some of them even have an open mind about dating older themselves.

Then there's the acquaintances and 'friends of friends'...they are the worst
and have asked soooo many rude questions including...

what do you guys do for fun, go to AARP meetings?

My answer...Oh yes, but only if it doesn't interfere w/our bingo nights

Wow, Is Griffin really rich?
First of all I think it's sad that people think $$$ over we might really love each other. I guess they think that's the only way an older guy could hook up with a younger girl or something:confused:

then there's the

Do You have a dad?

My answer: Yes. I have two dads. My natural father and my Sugar Daddy...that one gets them embarrassed every time.

and last but not least....

You are half his age!!!

My answer: No, actually I won't be half his age until I am 29 but thanks for asking.

You really have to have a sense of humor about this stuff and just laugh it off:D

I have a 22 year age gap...and at times it is a big scary number to me. But then I think about it, and when I'm 25, my boyfriend will be 47...and for some reason, that just doesn't seem so bad. Although the one that freaks me out is when he's 90..I'll only be 68. That's kind of freaky. But we are so perfect for eachother...and we NEVER ever notice the age gap...and I've never even heard him mention it unless I do first. We are best friends...and even my girlfriends like him(well LIKED him...after our big hairy breakup, they kind of got pissed at him.) Even though I wish we were the same age, for obvious reasons, age means absolutely nothing if you have a connection, IMHO.

lj

Some people get into relationships, not with the intention of being able to spend a lifetime with someone, but just because they want to spend whatever time they can with that someone. My friend got involved with a guy who was 22 and had cancer... he died 6 months later. She knew there was that chance, but wanted to be with him for whatever time she could.

SO, like I said, if the intentions ARE genuine... I don't think anyy gap is too much if both can deal with the outcome.

Your 50 and you carry her books to school for her. Think that might be a little stretch to think it would work, besides being illegal.:p

Do You have a dad?

My answer: Yes. I have two dads. My natural father and my Sugar Daddy...that one gets them embarrassed every time.


LOL...thanks Sabinne, I'm going to remember that line! :)

"You are half his age!!!"

I am not. He's twice mine. :p

I'm in a 34 year age gap relationship. It works well.

Ya can't help who you fall in love with.

Ya can't help who you fall in love with.

nope!

nope!


you can't help who you fall in love with but you do have control over what you do about it.

I don't know the right number, but to me at some point it just gets to unhealthy and quite silly to think it is worth it.

I agree 110%. Once there was a 25-yr-old woman on Ageless who posted about whether or not to hook up with some 74-yr-old guy. I said the same thing you did and was crucified by dear ol' Wallypop. :rolleyes:

You really have to have a sense of humor about this stuff and just laugh it off:D

Sabinne, you have a great attitude about this! Sometimes I think the only way to shut people up is to use sharp humor.

I agree 110%. Once there was a 25-yr-old woman on Ageless who posted about whether or not to hook up with some 74-yr-old guy. I said the same thing you did and was crucified by dear ol' Wallypop. :rolleyes:

Ohhh man...I totally remember that! I think the dude was 75 though! :D

I have a hard time dealing with some other people's age gap relationships...i'm not sure why. But too big like that....and it's like DANG.

Of course...i'm not a big fan of my sister's age gap either...and it's like nothing...she's 18...he's 23. lol. *grin*

Nadine.

Geez, I wish I only had a 5 year age gap!! :o

you can't help who you fall in love with but you do have control over what you do about it.
I dont think you should let an age difference make you decide to give up on a relationship with the one you do fall in love with.

here is my bad thought


I think older women and younger men are fine... don't ask of course a 50 yr old woman who lusts after a 20 yr old is having a LATE mid-life crisis....

but ladies I always have and always will have a weird feeling with older men and younger women with larger gaps. 10 years NO biggie... but 20 or more to me that's creepy... until you get say past 50 or so. then 50 yr old woman and 70 yr old man is fine. I know i'm weird.

and yet my dad at 71 looks about 60 something and is in better shape than I am. he walks 3 miles A DAY he goes to the gym, he plays golf 4-6 times a week. He travels, he has culture and joy. And his GF is 6 months OLDER than he is and wears a freaking bikini still. I don't think of them as OLD but i'm sure a bunch of you do......


AND i really don't like these people that say OH I ONLY DATE OLDER OR YOUNGER... sorry that's targeting and I find that awful... except of course I guess it's the same as saying I only date Jewish or I only date Indian or whatever....

who knows it's early and I haven't had coffee.... and i'm cranky.

[QUOTE=ladybugnessa]
AND i really don't like these people that say OH I ONLY DATE OLDER OR YOUNGER... sorry that's targeting and I find that awful...
QUOTE]
I agree with that, age should not be the first requirement of a partner.
As far as older men and younger women, of course everyone is intitled to their own opinion, but I think it all depends on the people in the relationship. There are some relationships that are just down right creepy, they seem from the outside more like a parent-child type thing than is healthy. BUT, I think there are larger age gaps that for all intents and purposes are as healthy as any other relationship. My OM is 50, but he looks and acts no more than 30, in fact most people who have met him think his is in his early 30s. Maybe I'm just alittle defensive because I think the relationship I have with my husband is the best, most loving relationship I could be in, despite the 30 year age difference.

there are EXCEPTIONS to every rule....

AND i really don't like these people that say OH I ONLY DATE OLDER OR YOUNGER... sorry that's targeting and I find that awful... except of course I guess it's the same as saying I only date Jewish or I only date Indian or whatever....

I definitely agree with that. I also don't like it when people say they only date people of a certain race, religion, etc. I understand that we all have our preferences, which is fine, but to blatantly and categorically make a statement like that is just too "in-your-face" for my liking.

here is my bad thought


I think older women and younger men are fine... don't ask of course a 50 yr old woman who lusts after a 20 yr old is having a LATE mid-life crisis....

but ladies I always have and always will have a weird feeling with older men and younger women with larger gaps. 10 years NO biggie... but 20 or more to me that's creepy... until you get say past 50 or so. then 50 yr old woman and 70 yr old man is fine. I know i'm weird.

and yet my dad at 71 looks about 60 something and is in better shape than I am. he walks 3 miles A DAY he goes to the gym, he plays golf 4-6 times a week. He travels, he has culture and joy. And his GF is 6 months OLDER than he is and wears a freaking bikini still. I don't think of them as OLD but i'm sure a bunch of you do......


AND i really don't like these people that say OH I ONLY DATE OLDER OR YOUNGER... sorry that's targeting and I find that awful... except of course I guess it's the same as saying I only date Jewish or I only date Indian or whatever....

who knows it's early and I haven't had coffee.... and i'm cranky.


Ok, I so do NOT want to sound defensive, but I am going to.

I know you say there are exceptions... and I definitely think my boyfriend and I are one.

First of all, my boyfriend LOVED his ex girlfriend SO much, and she was 12 years older... so my age is not the draw...

physically... he is healthier than I am and much more physically fit... he LOVES working out, I force myself...

He has never been married, doesn't have kids.

He has no money...

I chased him...

We get along VERY well, and no one makes comments about our age difference (or hasnt in the 2.5 years we have been together) because most people don't know about it. It's not one of those obvious, gaping things. People who find out are usually pretty shocked.


I think the stereotypical older man/younger woman relationship IS creepy... The older man who preys on young women and uses money and gifts to get her and she eats it all up because he has money and is worldly, etc... I certainly do NOT condone all older man/younger woman relationships.

you know i spoke my mind because here I can.

we are a bunch of grown ups here. it's different.




grow up over there.


if i offended anyone it was not my intent.

I was not offended--- I was just responding. I don't think what you said is at all off base, and like I said... I was trying NOT to sound defensive because I didn't mean it in that way... but I knew I would come across like that!

no worries, I really wasn't trying to attack or start anything.

it's all cool SB... it's all cool.

Blah...I'm the same way...I tend to think of our relationship as the exception to the rule. *grin*

I definately think the stereotypical OM/YW relationship is kinda creepy.

Actually...I usually think it's creepy until I get to know the person. Like yall on here...i don't think yall have creepy relationships. Does that make any sense? I'm not sure it does. lol.

Nadine.

it makes perfect sense it's a bad case of "your ok for a jewish girl" kind of thing. "I don't hate jews some of my best friends are jews, i just don't want them living in my neighborhood'


of course we aren't weird because you know us.


it's like all those people that think that swingers are warped and needy and have bad marriages... excpet this one fat swinger chick i know who's jewish (not that I have anything against jews) and has a college education but she's married to this redneck guy with no teeth who dropped out of high school... and no it's not normal but they seem very happy....


go figure.

it's like all those people that think that swingers are warped and needy and have bad marriages... excpet this one fat swinger chick i know who's jewish (not that I have anything against jews) and has a college education but she's married to this redneck guy with no teeth who dropped out of high school... and no it's not normal but they seem very happy....


go figure.

Thats just like people in D/s relationships or who are into BDSM. They think we're all weird and wear black leather and have relationship issues. *grin*

Nadine.

Thats just like people in D/s relationships or who are into BDSM. They think we're all weird and wear black leather and have relationship issues. *grin*

Nadine.



YOU Mean YOUR NOT????



LOL

YOU Mean YOUR NOT????



LOL

LOL!!! Nope! :D

We don't even own any black leather!!! Can you believe it? :D

Nadine.

i have one or two things....


and some lovely tactile toys.....

Thats just like people in D/s relationships or who are into BDSM. They think we're all weird and wear black leather and have relationship issues. *grin*

Hmmmm, "we"???????

Do you have something you want to tell us? :D

Should I move this over to Sex Q&A? :eek:

you know i spoke my mind because here I can.

we are a bunch of grown ups here. it's different.




grow up over there.


if i offended anyone it was not my intent.
I wasnt offended either. I'm sorry if I came across as overly defensive, I was still mad at myself for locking the keys to my chem lab IN the chem lab.

I wasnt offended either. I'm sorry if I came across as overly defensive, I was still mad at myself for locking the keys to my chem lab IN the chem lab.


oh don't you HATE that. did you get them?

No such luck. My partners werent going to be in today, I just had to run a standard, fortunately I hadnt left any nasty chemicals out. I guess I'll get them back when I see Laura since she's kind of leading our group.

There is 23 years between Shane and I. He's 51, I'm 28. My Dad says he's too old for me (both of my parents are 55), but he also knows that I don't particularly care what he (my father) thinks, and I'm the best person to decide what is best for me.
My grandmother thinks that Shane is after me for her money (but she's going to think that of any guy I date, which is funny, cause I don't want her money!)
All of our friends accept it (we have a lot of the same friends). When I told my best friend's reaction was "does he have a British accent?" (i've always had a thing for middle-aged Brits!)

Any reservations I had, I got over relatively quickly.
Shane's reservations are more along the lines of what is fair to me. (he doesn't want to leave me widowed at 30 with little kids, I keep telling him that's not going to happen, he's in GREAT shape!)

Hmmmm, "we"???????

Do you have something you want to tell us? :D

Should I move this over to Sex Q&A? :eek:


LOL...I didn't realize it was a secret!!! We're pretty open about it and I talk about it all the time over on the other board. *grin*

Nadine.

Honestly, I really don't care who people date/marry/screw/love/play cards with. If they're happy (or seemingly so) then what real problem does that cause for anyone? (Unless the problem is spreading disease, neglecting one's children, yada yada...) We all have different needs and desires, and fulfill them in our own unique way.

That being said, I DO care what others think of ME. Wierd.

I might advise that someone with a tremendous age gap rethink the long term issues...but that's about it.

That being said, I DO care what others think of ME. Wierd.


I'm not saying we should always consider what others think, but we do need more of that in this world. It comes from self respect first.

LOL...I didn't realize it was a secret!!! We're pretty open about it and I talk about it all the time over on the other board. *grin*

Nadine.

What are you saying?

LOL...I didn't realize it was a secret!!! We're pretty open about it and I talk about it all the time over on the other board. *grin*


I didn't know that!!! Go over to Sex Q&A and start a thread about this RIGHT NOW!!! :D

Shane's reservations are more along the lines of what is fair to me. (he doesn't want to leave me widowed at 30 with little kids, I keep telling him that's not going to happen, he's in GREAT shape!)

Hmm, that's funny because my husband says the exact opposite. He keeps saying that he has a lot more to offer me than some guy my age because he's more mature, patient, financially stable, etc. I have a lot of close guy friends my age and Hubby doesn't even get jealous! :mad: :D

ah! See the financial situation really means a lot.
The problem that I have is when I tell people I'm in love with a man 23 years older than me, they AUTOMATICALLY think I'm after his money.
Here's the thing... HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY!!!!! (seriously, I've seen his tax return, I make more than he does!)

The poor guy works 2 jobs (one is as a live-in personal assistant for a disabled woman) and is desperatly trying to finish his masters. He's worked in off-shore oil, film production, was a freelance writer and was homeless at one point.

What I love is, he's not threatened by my ambition. I was never domestic, and never wanted to be a "housewife". I can work, he can stay home with the kids and do the domestic crap (which he actually likes) and write.

Here's the thing... HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY!!!!!


You're not alone, my dear...

Honestly, I really don't care who people date/marry/screw/love/play cards with. If they're happy (or seemingly so) then what real problem does that cause for anyone?

That being said, I DO care what others think of ME. Wierd.


LOL....I feel the exact same way! Whatever floats yer boat. But, I'm always scrutinizing people's reactions to me and my BF and worrying about what they are thinking. Well, actually I do that with everything....I guess I am a bit too hung up with what people think about me...hehe..I need some of Nessa's attitude! :D

Then there's the acquaintances and 'friends of friends'...they are the worst
and have asked soooo many rude questions including...

what do you guys do for fun, go to AARP meetings?

My answer...Oh yes, but only if it doesn't interfere w/our bingo nights

Wow, Is Griffin really rich?
First of all I think it's sad that people think $$$ over we might really love each other. I guess they think that's the only way an older guy could hook up with a younger girl or something:confused:

then there's the

Do You have a dad?

My answer: Yes. I have two dads. My natural father and my Sugar Daddy...that one gets them embarrassed every time.

and last but not least....

You are half his age!!!

My answer: No, actually I won't be half his age until I am 29 but thanks for asking.

You really have to have a sense of humor about this stuff and just laugh it off:D

HAHAHA if everyone did not get a laugh out of this, they don't have a good enough sense of humor! Hilarious and a great outlook on your situation at the same time. Glad to hear you don't let ignorant other people affect your happiness.
Keep it up :D