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Old 11-02-2008, 06:47 AM
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Question Age gaps and the Bible?

Hey everyone, my friend has an issue that my relationship is wrong because we are not close enough in age! He is a Christian and goes to the same church as me, now I have read the whole Bible and am yet to find some where, where it states that age gaps are wrong, it does not! Then why do the churches and my mate seem to think that I am not doing the right thing and as a result of that im gunna go to hell? Are there any other religious people out there in age gap relationships who can give me some input? I like church but I dont wanna go there if Im constantly judged! That by the way is a sin according to the Bible! Thanks guys!
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Old 11-02-2008, 07:21 AM
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Age gaps were much more common in Biblical times. Women married in their early teens, but many of them died in labour. The man would then remarry. Apparently, it was not at all uncommon for the man to be much older than his wife. AGRs where the man was younger was not common, but I guess this has to do with fertility and the ability to bear children, which was more of a criteria back then when getting married.

Besides, I don't believe age in a relationship is ever commented on in the New Testament, but it does say that women shouldn't be wearing men's clothing - now, does this friend of yours give his fellow congregational women in pants the same narrow minded BS as he is giving you?

Do not listen to this guy! Who is he to determine what sin is and who is going to hell? Let he who is without sin... etc! Judge not... etc! I used to be an active Christian and later a devout Catholic, but I had a revelation a couple of years ago which has left me no choice but to label myself agnostic.

This love that you and your lady share - where is the sin in that? How can love be a sin if God is love?

The only thing I will take from the Bible is: "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." Be nice - be respectful. I do miss the beauty and atmosphere of the Catholic Mass, but I won't go because it isn't what I believe. Instead I have surrendered to what I think is the biggest leap of faith - accepting that I don't know and living with that.
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Old 11-02-2008, 08:16 AM
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Hey everyone, my friend has an issue that my relationship is wrong because we are not close enough in age! He is a Christian and goes to the same church as me, now I have read the whole Bible and am yet to find some where, where it states that age gaps are wrong, it does not! Then why do the churches and my mate seem to think that I am not doing the right thing and as a result of that im gunna go to hell? Are there any other religious people out there in age gap relationships who can give me some input? I like church but I dont wanna go there if Im constantly judged! That by the way is a sin according to the Bible! Thanks guys!
Sounds to me like you need to find a new church. If your friend has an issue with your age gap, then it's his issue, not yours. Ask him to show you where it says in the Bible how old you and your spouse-to-be have to be before you get married. He won't find it. Sounds to me like you're being bound, not by the law, but by the traditions of men.

Paul says that we're not bound by the law, but we have a responsibility to other Christian by refraining to do things that would cause another Christian to stumble. To have someone put you down telling you that you are going to Hell for doing something is wrong. Who are they to put themselves as God to pronounce judgment on you? Jesus had his harshest criticism for people like that. There are biblical blessings that are ours if we follow the conditional prinicples, but we aren't bound by the law. If we were, we'd all be in big trouble.

The Bible I read says that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus- Romans 8:1. We're to live for Christ and not by the Law. As a Christian, you should seek God's will for your life, but you need to find that for yourself and not let others tell you what it is. You might also want to read Paul's epistle to the Galatians.

If you let others frame your world, they'll always make it too small.
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Old 11-02-2008, 08:40 AM
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Sounds to me like you need to find a new church. If your friend has an issue with your age gap, then it's his issue, not yours.
I agree with a lot of the things you say, GMR. But if it is his friend's issue, then what has that got to do with Outlaw having to find a new church? Why should Outlaw change churches?

Digressing - I find it interesting how people change churches to find somthing that suits their particular lifestyles. In general, we tend to pick and choose what we want to believe (what suits us) and then call it the truth. You say that "As a Christian, you should seek God's will for your life, but you need to find that for yourself and not let others tell you what it is.". It sounds perfect, but don't all Christians choose ministers who tell them what to believe?

We rely so much upon what Paul has written which has been included in the Bible. We see it as truths. We know he prosecuted early Christians prior to his conversion, but we are OK with this. Though I doubt anyone would listen if, say, a Taliban leader responsible for the death of Christians converted and tried to teach us about God's love. I'm all for forgiveness, but I just don't think it could happen.

Religion is weird.
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Old 11-02-2008, 09:50 AM
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Don't like what someone does with their life? Tell them the bible says you can't do it!

And the funniest part is, for some, it works.
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Old 11-02-2008, 11:31 AM
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I'm always annoyed by humans who look over God's shoulder.

Everyone's given you great, thoughtful responses.
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Old 11-02-2008, 12:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Outlaw View Post
Hey everyone, my friend has an issue that my relationship is wrong because we are not close enough in age! He is a Christian and goes to the same church as me, now I have read the whole Bible and am yet to find some where, where it states that age gaps are wrong, it does not! Then why do the churches and my mate seem to think that I am not doing the right thing and as a result of that im gunna go to hell? Are there any other religious people out there in age gap relationships who can give me some input? I like church but I dont wanna go there if Im constantly judged! That by the way is a sin according to the Bible! Thanks guys!
Would the god you know send you to hell for loving someone? Seriousely, you have an intellect. I'm not even trying to be fecetious or dismissive. Think about it!

As for your friend.......well, let me put it this way, I don't have any friends that would take issue with me for loving someone. I don't have a god that would send me to hell for that either.

Oh yeah, just a funny little question here. Aren't you in an AGR with God?
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Old 11-02-2008, 12:42 PM
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Then why do the churches and my mate seem to think that I am not doing the right thing and as a result of that im gunna go to hell?
It's been my experience that many Christians -- not all -- think people are going to hell for a variety of ridiculous, non-Biblical-based reasons. Why?

Because people unthinkingly judge that which they don't fully understand and/or that which they fear. The sad fact is that ageism as a prejudice isn't going anywhere, and it's one of the last social prejudices to be considered widely (and vocally) acceptable. If this were 40 years ago and you were dating someone of a different race, you'd probably get the same guff from your "mate" (quotes are for a reason -- is he really your mate?) and your church, even though there isn't anything in the Bible that talks about that.

Unfortunately, fear and misunderstanding breed illogical reactions to things. Even though there's nothing in the Bible about age gap relationships being bad, that doesn't stop people from taking something they're afraid of and searching for something to justify their bigotry instead of, say, taking the time to get to know you and your SO better as a couple. For some people, religion functions as a moral crutch (or scimitar) and so they'll take anything out-of-the-ordinary (or simply out of their sphere of usual thought) and immediately deem it "wrong".

As an individual in this situation, you have every right to exercise your free will and stand up to the people that are giving you a hard time. That doesn't mean you're disrespectful about it, but you ultimately need to decide what is the right thing to do for you and then do it.

God gave you an intellect; why let it be stunted by the narrow-mindedness of some of his other creations?
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Old 11-02-2008, 02:17 PM
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Then why do the churches and my mate seem to think that I am not doing the right thing and as a result of that im gunna go to hell?
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Originally Posted by Ratwoofer View Post
I agree with a lot of the things you say, GMR. But if it is his friend's issue, then what has that got to do with Outlaw having to find a new church? Why should Outlaw change churches?
I was responding to Outlaw's question asking why do the churches and his mate seem to think that he was not doing the right thing. I assumed that his church had a problem with it too. If not, Outlaw, I stand corrected.

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Originally Posted by Ratwoofer View Post

Digressing - I find it interesting how people change churches to find somthing that suits their particular lifestyles. In general, we tend to pick and choose what we want to believe (what suits us) and then call it the truth. You say that "As a Christian, you should seek God's will for your life, but you need to find that for yourself and not let others tell you what it is."
It doesn't matter what I believe or what anyone else believes truth to be. Many people seek truth through religion (thou shalt do this or thou shalt not do that). Christianity is founded, not on religion, but truth through a relationship with Jesus Christ. Many people think they can't become a Christian because they're not good enough. Jesus wants us just as we are, blemishes and all.

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It sounds perfect, but don't all Christians choose ministers who tell them what to believe?
Many do. There are a lot of churches that have ministers that speak to what people want to hear. Our church is based on the early New Testament church and we don't have a minister. Our church is made up of members who each have gifts of the Holy Spirit. We hold ourselves accountable to each other. I erased part of this response because I don't want to confuse anyone or cloud the issue at hand. An age gap relationship is something that is external (something that man looks at) and has nothing to do with the condition of our hearts, which is what God looks at.

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We rely so much upon what Paul has written which has been included in the Bible. We see it as truths. We know he prosecuted early Christians prior to his conversion, but we are OK with this. Though I doubt anyone would listen if, say, a Taliban leader responsible for the death of Christians converted and tried to teach us about God's love. I'm all for forgiveness, but I just don't think it could happen.

Religion is weird.
I studied the life of Paul during one of my classes this past summer. Saul of Tarsus, before his name was changed to Paul, was a devout Pharisee who persecuted Christians and even consented to the stoning of Stephen. When he converted to Christianity, many Christians did not trust him. It wasn't until they saw that he had changed and was no longer the same person he was before, that many changed their opinion of him.
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Old 11-02-2008, 02:23 PM
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Oh yeah, just a funny little question here. Aren't you in an AGR with God?
LOL. That's a good one, Upby!
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Old 11-02-2008, 02:24 PM
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Read the book of Ruth. Yep, King David's great great grandparents were in an age gap relationship. Genesis, I know it took adam awhile to name all the friggin animals in the world, thus Adam and Eve had an age gap. Joseph and Mary probably had about a 15 year age gap. Abraham and Sarah had a 10 year age gap.

Some people take 1st Timothy 5:1-3 and twist it to mean that age gaps are wrong, but then, by that standard, any marriage would be wrong, since you shouldn't marry your sister.
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Old 11-02-2008, 03:48 PM
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Wow! So many awesome responses, thanks heaps guys! Thats some real good food for thought right there! Cheers!
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