One of the biggest problems age gap couples face is opposition from family members, namely, The Parents.
Parental opposition can come in many forms, ranging from silent disapproval to flat-out disownment. Either way, the negativity and conflict can be very stressful for your relationship.
If you’re facing this problem right now, take heart! Things will get better eventually. In the meantime, here are some tips to stay sane:
1. Don’t Take It Personally
Your parents may be flipping out and calling your partner every rotten name in the book. “What would someone HIS age want with someone YOUR age???” they would rant and rave.
It’s going to take inhuman strength on your part but try not to let it shake you. And don’t bother trying to respond with logical counterargument — “No, Mom, he is NOT a pervert!” — because what you’re responding to often has no logical basis in the first place.
Unless your parents have actually met your partner and have good reason to be concerned, like if they feel your partner is controlling or maybe you’re just a bad match for reasons unrelated to age, your parents’ rantings are purely emotional.
2. Give Your Parents Time
Oftentimes parents flip out only because they’re worried about you and they don’t want to see you get hurt. No matter how old you are, you will always be their little baby and it can be hard for them to accept the fact that you are all grown up.
Once they get to know your partner and see just how great you are together, they will come around. But all this takes time. That’s why you should try to stay on good terms with them so that when they finally do come around, you won’t be so angry and resentful that you end up rejecting them.
3. Respect Your Relationship
Although you should respect your parents’ feelings about your relationship, you should also respect your relationship. There is a fine line between not rocking the boat with your parents and letting them walk all over your partner.
For example, your parents may refuse to acknowledge your relationship and pretend that your partner doesn’t exist. If you mention your partner in conversation, they will quickly change the topic. If they invite you to family events, they will not invite your partner even though everyone else will be bringing their significant others. Your parents may even try to set you up with someone else!
At some point, you have to draw the line. That means gently reminding your parents that you have a wonderful person in your life and they may as well get used to it. You and your partner come as a packaged deal!
Worst Case Scenario
If your parents are so freaked out that they threaten to disown you, you will have to decide if your relationship is worth the risk of losing your parents. Only you can make that decision.
In addition, if you’re still in school or if you’re in any way financially dependent on your parents, you’ll have to figure out how to make up the lost income once they withdraw their support. It’ll be really tough for a while — I won’t lie to you — but it will not be the end of the world. Your freedom is priceless.
Ultimately, regardless of what happens in your relationship, it is never a bad thing to become financially independent and self-reliant. After all, you want to show your parents that you’re an adult who is capable of making sound decisions, both in life and in love, so you may as well start now!
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m an 19yrsold female and my boyfriend is 26yrsold. We’re together for about 17months as of june2010. My bf has not yet graduated college since he stopped studying until 4thyr 1st semester. He still hasn’t find a job. My parents still have no idea that I have a bf. How will I introduce him to my family, especially parents, even though he’s 7years older than me, undergraduate and jobless? (we really love each other) I need a BIG HELP! I’ll wait for your advice. So much thanks in advance. God bless.
I’m 21 years old, and my boyfriend is 25 years older than me. I know that sounds crazy at first, but when we are together it really isn’t crazy at all!, and thats crazy!! Anyways, I’m so happy or atleast I think I am..we live together and all. Of course at first it was a big shocker for everyone, family, friends. But with time they have gotten to accept us, although you are right my parents will never bring him up, or invite him. but I dont care I always bring him around. My concern, is that I hope I dont get tired of having to fight for us. I hope that I always think it is worth it. I just need help trying to figure out the mess in my head. I hope you can kinda grasp my thought on this, I will be awaiting your advice. thanks so much :)
My husband is 14 years younger than me. For a long time I was unsure where I stood with his family. They helped pay some of the bills towards our wedding but then his mum wore black and cried throughout our wedding day. I have been getting some strong indications recently that they are hidding their true feelings. When we are all together they seem to make a point of babying him and if I say anything to him they critisise my comments and twist things to make it sound like I am bossing him.
My husband is still quite young and enjoys having warmth and security lavished upon him by his family. This can make my life kind of hard as I end up feeling like the third person in our relationship. I have explained this to him and he has listened to me and admits that while this is true, he was unaware of his actions.
I am keen to bridge the gap between his family and myself but am scared that they are going to walk all over me and that he will not be strong enough to stop them or even unaware of what they are doing.